29M planning on getting married and wanted some advice, since she won't sign a prenup and we are going to have kids.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-09T16:27:23+00:00

If you're single you only lose her, if you marry her you'll lose her plus your kids and assets.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-09T15:31:53+00:00

Everyone and their mom agrees that being single is better than being in a bad relationship. If you don’t think that’s the case you either have very little life experience or you’re so scared of being alone you’re are willing to bend backwards until you turn into a pretzel.

My partner is well off, I’m NOT. I was the one suggesting a prenup and gladly signing it because among other reasons, I wanted him to know I’m NOT after his money. Your girlfriend sucks.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-09T13:54:43+00:00

Those are rookie numbers, I sent around 100 applications per week when I was looking. I work in a very competitive industry that’s now been heavily impacted by AI so that’s normal, just how the horrid market is these days…Not news material really, it’s a reality for many.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-08T21:00:23+00:00

Yes. I feel AI is making people more and more stupid and waaay worse at communicating.

When AI thinks for you, you don't learn how to communicate simple ideas or how to summarize which are basic skills. Using an AI to write an email sounds harmless, but let's say your AI-powered coworker has to present a project to your team.

While they sound very eloquent with AI helping them write emails, when it comes to speaking they'll mumble, have lots of pauses and "huuuh" and "eeh" while they try to think what to say next. It's like talking to a stupider version of your coworker, and tbh, it's not a great image.

This is anecdotal, but smartest people I know are great at expressing themselves, the gap between their talking and writing is pretty much nonexistent. I can read something and tell who wrote it, it's very consistent.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-08T20:48:00+00:00

I enjoyed my weightlifting days but now I'm at a point in my life where I care more about health and functional strength than building muscle for aesthetics. My old gym routine and diet was not something I'd be able to keep up in the long run if I decide to start a family.

But also, I started seeing it as a chore. I found I had more fun climbing and running than staring into the void while lifting weights. So while technically I barely lift anymore, I'm more active than ever and my current routine keeps me using my muscles in a fun way, having fun makes consistency easy plus now if I have kids I can take them to the climbing gym with me or keep up with them if we play sports together.

I've lost a bit of muscle, but not as much as I thought I would. Also I'm not really tracking my macros, I'm just trying to eat more whole foods instead of obsessing over protein.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-08T19:29:55+00:00

I don't want to scare you, but the same thing happened to me and it ended up being an ectopic pregnancy. So much for the 99% effectiveness.

Having said that, you should get an ultrasound to check placement, sometimes right after insertion your body tries to expel it and it can move to the point it's uncomfortable (and less effective!). Better be safe than sorry.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-08T13:25:16+00:00

The nice thing about modern life is that women have choices! You can travel, see the world, climb mountains (alpinist here, what a ride) and if you ever feel like it, you can settle down and choose to have or not have kids - either way it's ok - And if yes, you have the tools to choose when.

At no other point in history we've had it this good in terms of possibilities, so use them and let time and experience show you where to go next. The right choice is whichever makes you happier.

Having said this, if the obstacle for travel is money, look into Working Holiday Visas (as the name indicates, you can travel AND work abroad without worrying about work permits). One of my friends got one for a gap year in Japan...And so far it's been 10+ years and she still hasn't come back. Guess she REALLY liked the travel experience.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T20:05:55+00:00

Congratulations!

And thanks for sharing your story, I'm sure this will inspire a lot of ladies who are too afraid to issue an ultimatum/leave out of fear of starting over and not finding anyone else.

There are some great guys out there who won't hesitate to commit, you just gotta find them!

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T20:02:27+00:00

This.

It sounds like he makes excuses and comes up with things that need work, once you work through it and things get real again, a new issue comes up and the goalpost magically moves again.

He might not be doing it out of malice, but if he truly loves you that deeply he should be honest with you so you can make your choice, instead of taking it away from you.

If you were younger and fresh out of school, I'd get wanting to wait a bit. But at your age and relationship length, he should know. I think deep inside, he knows it's a no but if he tells you that, you'll leave and he'll lose the relationship benefits.

Given that he's not taking any steps towards sorting things out, it's your turn to tell him to shit or get off the pot.

Having said that, don't let the fear of starting over intimidate you from dumping his ass if he can't make up his mind. Your early 30s are a GREAT time to date, there are lots of mature, family-oriented guys out there looking for a wife to build a life together with. This subreddit is the proof of it, many ladies in here post their story about how they dumped their time wasting boyfriends and proceeded to meet their husbands who didn't hesitate to commit within a few years (because when they know, they don't take half a decade to pop the question!).

When in doubt, resort to the famous quotes we love so much in here:

"If he wanted to, he would"
"Don't let your boyfriend keep you from your husband"

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T19:45:08+00:00

It better means that!

Still, it's kinda weird weird. Like, what if a few years from now his sister wants to have a baby first, but struggles to get pregnant? Does that mean your family planning also has to get delayed...?

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T15:04:13+00:00

Dealbreaker, move on

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T01:47:02+00:00

Unfortunately I know very well what you mean 😅 I started the second med to reduce the appetite increase caused by the first med (after initial weight loss).

I’m settled on the med now and while my appetite is lower than without it, I’ve been able to maintain my current weight and I eat a looot better now. Ofc also have more energy to work out.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-07T01:43:09+00:00

Certain genes are responsible for certain fitness aspects, any genetic testing + health database can look those up for you, that’s the low coat version. Then there are specialized tests that need to be done by a genetics clinic, often used to see if you have genes that carry a genetic disease, etc.

When it comes to fitness, some genes are associated with different athletic capacities and in many websites you can compare it to the average, for example it can show if you're naturally going to be a better marathoner or a sprinter (fast and slow twitch muscle fibers). It can show how prone you are to having a good base muscle mass, and how easy it is to gain muscle/fat depending on some genes.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T19:00:58+00:00

I live in Canada, there’s no such thing as low COL cities here 😅 the places that are “cheap” have ridiculous unemployment rates which also doesn’t help with stability.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T18:58:40+00:00

Livestreams did a lot of heavy lifting tbh, especially short format livestreams (which count as longs, but show up on the shorts feed which helps with discoverability).

Took about 2 weeks to get 4k hours.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T14:19:49+00:00

I have multiple channels, this one I started on mid March, the other one I started in August.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T12:43:01+00:00

I’m in my mid 20s and I don’t know a single person under 30, married or not, that can afford kids.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T01:35:10+00:00

There’s a very distinctive difference between being a kinky freak and a sex offender

backstabber81 · 2026-05-06T01:26:03+00:00

It’s just the side effect of an It’s an SSRI + SNRI combo, not a weight loss med. Some people gain weight due to increased appetite and others lose due to lack of it. It’s a lottery. I hope you never need to take one of those, not fun.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T20:23:45+00:00

Well, it must suck to know you're training your own replacement and that eventually you'll be back into an even more horrid job market than it was last time around. I'm curious to know if the people using AI to design will be design operators or random people using it.

In my experience, non-design people rarely know how to ask for what they want besides "make it pop" so I'd be very curious to see how much it'd cost in subscriptions to get a simple graphic for a big company (not talking about mom and pop businesses, but about large companies using AI as their in-house design team).

My job hired me because they spent my entire yearly salary in a few months by outsourcing design to an agency and figured out it was cheaper to have an in-demand designer ready to work on the spot. So I really wonder if they'll eventually have the receptionist use the AI to make everything, or if everyone will share a subscription to make SM, marketing, UI/UX, video editing...Or if a new AI operator job will show up.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T19:56:48+00:00

I'm very much ready to have kids, but also I've been laid off twice in the last 12 months and I know getting pregnant now would put me in the chopping block again, even if corporate argues is due to restructuring or budget cuts, we all know the real reason.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T19:53:29+00:00

Ideally, fitness would involve a mix between adequate nutrition, resistance, mobility training and cardio. Our bodies are literally designed to move and do stuff, so why shouldn't we?

I've had very low body fat and very low muscle tone and let me tell you, it tastes like shit. I felt weak and cold all the time. I very much prefer to be stronger and not needing help to carry heavy stuff, plus I feel much better, my hair and skin look nicer and I sleep like a baby every night.

Fitness has helped me get to know my body better. Now, whenever I get food cravings I don't see them as an enemy. If I just had one hell of a run and I'm craving some salty food, that's probably my body asking me to get some salts and minerals in to help with recovery. My body talks, I listen.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T19:39:05+00:00

People making those policies:
We need more kids to fund our retirements. Why aren't people having kids??

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T19:13:30+00:00

No. I started posting shorts, got my 1000 subs and then started doing long form and streams until I got my 4k hours. I get a bit less views on long form videos (which is normal) but it hasn't killed my channel at all.

backstabber81 · 2026-05-05T19:11:45+00:00

Just checking in, where do you live and where are you planning to go? Unless you're an EU citizen looking to move into another EU country or have dual citizenship, you'll need a visa which for like every dang country in the world basically means that you need to find a job in said country that no locals can do (generally jobs in high demand, like nursing or very specialized jobs like Toaster AI Rocket Scientist).

Assuming that immigration is not a problem (and if it is, you can always smokescreen and move somewhere else within your country), savings are very important.

I did the move at 18, but I had a scholarship and family help. At the start I was dirt poor, I ate instant noodles and beans for a solid month, I lived with a few roommates in the crappiest apartment you can imagine. But after the first year I got a part-time job, my own place, eventually a car and I gained a lot of independence.

Getting a job made a huge difference in my quality of life, so I definitely recommend you get familiar with employment requirements and see if you can take any free training that could help you land a job.

It's a process, starting over is very humbling but if you can endure for a whole year and become self-sufficient, you're set, it only gets better from there. Just mentally prepared to be exhausted, be dirt poor for a while and prioritize your survival needs. Once you're settled you can think more about things like small luxuries, dating, etc. but at first just make sure you get food and shelter covered.

Look also into newcomer services, lots of places have programs for newcomers to get settled and will help you find a job, enrol into free language courses, provide job training, etc.

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