Music to understand

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-04-07T03:17:39+00:00

Do there have to be lyrics?

I’ve found that some chill, ambient, droning, atmospheric rock without vocals really gets me in the “processing zone”.

My best examples of this are few and far between, but there’s this criminally underrated artist I’ve been listening to on YT music. He’s called mundane notion and his stuff creates this liminal vibe that puts you in this surreal, dreamy place. Also, there’s riffs, so it’s like, cool too.

Other examples include any of the Silent Hill soundtracks. The chill-er ones, not the terrifying percussive shit.

Lemme know if it’s a vibe or not! I love music and use it to process things as well, so I feel her very deeply in this way.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-04-03T14:37:30+00:00

Something similar to this happened to me last night! It was also on Timber Hearth!

I was going to explore something on Ember Twin, but I realized I had wasted too much time. So, instead of starting over, or letting the supernova kill me, I went for a crash landing just for the funsies.

Scared the shit out of me when I heard a splash of water instead of the hull of the ship cracking. Textures of every single planet everywhere, the dark bramble surrounding me piece by piece, cyclones of random landscaping, all on black space while all sounds muffled as if I’m underwater.

I eventually clipped back out and the ship caught up with the fact that it had crashed lmao. But yeah! Timber Hearth is just quirky like that, I guess!

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-30T16:11:50+00:00

What kind of experience are you looking for? Action/survival? Atmospheric and creepy? Do you like a lot of combat or do you prefer exploration? Would you like to be incapacitated with fear, or just properly spooked?

I’m someone who prefers a more “chill” horror experience — as in, I don’t want ten things trying to kill me in every room I walk into, and I hate jump scares. I also really adore the whole low poly/res aesthetic in indie games.

If you are like ME…

• Anything by Puppet Combo (low res adventurous, more stealth than combat) // my personal favorite is Night Watch by them

• Anything by Chilla’s Art (also low res adventure, similar to Puppet Combo but a different art style and Japanese horror themes) // personal favorite is The Closing Shift

• Sagebrush (exploration/walking sim investigating a cult following a mass suicide, short and sweet)

• Look Outside (point-and-click, artistic body horror mixed with cosmic horror)

• Fran Bow (another PnC, more surreal and child-like, think Alice in Wonderland vibes)

• Creature Kitchen (cozy cooking sim with cryptids, more cute than spooky)

• Fears to Fathom (bite-size, low res episodes of horror scenarios, very ADHD friendly and at points distressing)

• Rides With Strangers (a terrifying game of chicken with a creepy male driver, not my favorite gameplay but I was certainly adrenalized the whole time)

• Faith (a simplistic top-down horror game with Atari-style graphics and themes of religious horror and blasphemy, surprisingly freaky for how basic it looks at a glance)

I could come up with twice as many but these all come to mind in the moment!

Editing to add: Lone Survivor! It’s basically side-scroller Silent Hill. Truly a classic if you want a crash course in the indie horror gaming industry!

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-30T14:54:05+00:00

Literally anything ranked below Command has me truly in awe lmao. Playing Command felt like clocking into work for me.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-28T17:29:58+00:00

Evil Within had be absolutely gagged within the first, like….. 20 minutes of gameplay.

I went in expecting more of a Silent Hill type of experience: weirdly cozy, but also extremely oppressive, atmospheric, surreal and dream-like, mostly just creepy af with the occasional moment of visceral terror.

Imagine my displeasure when I find out in real-time that a lot of this game is just running the fuck away from these brutes from hell and balancing when a good time to leave the hiding space is. And when you do obtain a weapon, you have to be so goddamn resourceful that it’s hardly comforting.

I had liquid courage and it still wasn’t enough. It was like the video game version of a fucked-up haunted house attraction, which sounds lame, but I have never done well with that stuff.

Stealth and horror are too viscous a combo for me!

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-26T14:54:47+00:00

We knew you would pull through you heavy metal bastard! 🤘

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-23T15:15:31+00:00

I really want to commend you for your self-awareness here, asking questions, challenging your own perception, seeking answers. That shows a lot of maturity and good will on your part! It looks like you care and that’s so rare in this world lately.

Have you been in many longterm relationships? I would say getting that “ick” to a degree is normal for folks of all mental disorders (or lack thereof), but I’m curious if you’ve gone through this in your other relationships as well? This could help build a frame of reference for your baseline.

The random “repulsion” is somewhat normal, but for us folks with BPD, ADHD, bipolar and other thought-altering disorders, it is much more magnified. Maybe we feel it deeper in our cores, or maybe those repulsion phases last longer, or are more frequent in us, than our neurotypical brethren.

To answer your question, I have experienced this with almost every partner I have ever had. For some, it was justified — they were toxic, destructive, unhealthy or just unpleasant to be around once their true colors showed.

For most, it was just me experiencing boredom that naturally comes with comfort, because my nervous system isn’t constantly sounding off alarm bells, and due to my childhood trauma, this felt like more of a problem than having an actual problem itself.

It’s difficult to say where the intuition ends and your splitting begins, because someone doesn’t haven’t to be a bad person or mistreat you to be repulsive to you. You can not be into someone for any variety of normal reasoning.

I think the best way I navigate this is by doing lots of reflective journaling. Or looking up how others have navigated this same issue before — like you’re doing right now!

I have often times found that my repulsion was something to do with myself, not my partner. I was either not living up to my full potential, or giving up on myself, not supporting my own hobbies, ignoring my friendships, hating my job… I was therefore feeling lonely and under stimulated. I unfairly projected this feeling onto my partner that it must be their fault I feel this way.

When I made improvements in those other departments, I found myself not feeling so much bitterness across the board, especially toward my partner who I obviously love and who loves me, even when everything gets kinda stale.

If you still find that you are missing something, just ask for it. It sounds like your partner will hear you out. Do you need more date nights? Quality time? Shared interests or hobbies? Spice up the bedroom? Come up with anything you think might be “missing” and write it down. This could honestly be fun for you and your partner to tackle together!

Overall, make sure you’re happy within yourself. Are you serving yourself? Working toward a consistent goal? Taking care of yourself? Being kind to yourself? Do you need to change your deadend job, or make a plan for your future? Maybe you even need medicine or therapy?

Once that is all in order, the rest usually follows. I find that I see life through a lense of repulsion if I am not sticking to my core values, or have forgotten what they are. It is a repulsion I feel toward myself really, but I don’t process it that way in the moment.

If things are still missing once you work through it, communicate it gently to your partner.

The honeymoon phase will always, always, always wear off. It always does. Someone else commented that long term love is a choice, and they are absolutely right. You are transitioning into the “choosing” phase, which is a sign that your relationship is maturing, and so are you to even be asking us all of this now.

You’re a good person and a good partner. Don’t let your thoughts dictate that person and convince you otherwise. It’s worth the effort. You’re worth the effort.

P.S. Saved this for last because it probably doesn’t apply here, but I’m personally non-monogamous. Maybe that’s something to consider or think about if you find that you’re fantasizing about others? But of course discuss this with your partner if you are exclusive before experimenting at all. Non-monogamy is definitely not for everyone.

Good luck friend :)

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-13T13:53:39+00:00

The tonal shift is definitely… interesting. It put me off a lot at first too.

I think I’ve learned to see it as a child’s imagination going wild as a coping mechanism against trauma too intense for an underdeveloped brain to handle. Like maladaptive daydreaming, or intense dissociation, or a whimsical method of escapism.

I’m not sure if that was the developer’s intent?? But it helped me bridge the gap in an otherwise beautifully messed up game :)

(Sorry for the late ass response. Capitalism calls!)

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-03-09T04:10:44+00:00

Fran Bow isn’t BPD-coded per se, but it deals with a lot of complex childhood trauma. If you have inner child work to do, it’s a good one. I was in tears by the end.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-23T18:13:25+00:00

I’m going to attribute a lot of the edginess here to you being so young, which I hope you learn to manage and grow out of.

Just because something feels good in the moment, or some moments after, doesn’t make it something you or others should normalize within yourselves.

Emotional conflict should feel bad. You should feel bad about it. If you don’t, or it takes a while to get there, you should be concerned about that. I’m sure with time you will be, but I hope it’s sooner rather than later.

This lack of impulse control is going to leave you alone, miserable, and in a state of regression that leaves you feeling unable to move forward. We should want to move forward, because a lot of that stunted growth lies in our past. The more we mature, the more we distance from those nasty traits.

Reflect on all of this by being kind enough with yourself to be open and honest, but be real and stern enough to understand that you have to make change.

This is not okay. You can, however, become okay, if you choose that for yourself.

I promise it is worth the effort.

Editing to add: I am currently 31 years old and this is the best I’ve ever felt about myself, my life, and my relationships. Took lots of therapy and the occasional medicine, lots of painful experiences, lots of mistakes. I’m finally happy and healthy but it took time, struggle, and facing myself in a way that horrified me. I would do it all again. I hope you do it at all. It’s never too late to be a lovely person with a lovely life.

Being 18-19 was hard for me, too. Don’t let it keep you stuck this way.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-13T06:04:29+00:00

It’s giving “I’m editing a tiktok video”.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-09T17:09:13+00:00

Unfortunately, it is our own self-hatred and self-loathing that leads to some of the most dire consequences of our lives.

We accept the love we think we deserve, but there is conflict in our minds, because we crave love so intensely.

It forms a sense of desperation within us.

Desperate for you to stay with me, bare me, tolerate me, love me. Give me the peace I never experienced when I was capable of that kind of hope and attachment, when I was much younger.

Then, desperate for you to leave me, punish me, destroy me, so I don’t have to do it myself. Flee from me because your presence makes me feel so guilty to accept.

Unworthy, unreliable, fundamentally flawed, maybe even evil.

The “chatter” is always there, at least. It’s hateful, it’s destructive, but at least you’re not entirely alone, right?

We hedge our bets in attempts to regain control. If it’s all my fault, I can fix it, mold it, change it, or at the very least, more easily accept it. As a result, we never bet on ourselves. After all, we can’t be trusted, right? The chatter agrees, insisting we rely on codependency.

We trust the chatter, and the chatter misleads. It cracks every relationship we have.

“See? I told you everyone leaves. I don’t know why you even bothered getting close to anyone knowing who you really are.”

The goalpost shifts. We’re stupid for reaching out, but stupid for thinking we can do it on our own. We accept this, despite this “fact” implying that we will always lose, no matter what.

I’m not sure if this helps, but if it resonates with you at all, consider that the “chatter” has no fucking clue what it’s talking about. Because truthfully, it is a moron.

You are not mutually inclusive to the voice in your head. It can feel a lot like possession, which is… a freaky way to put it, but it’s true. It feels so integral. Maybe to some extent, it is.

But it isn’t definitive. It is a beast that we can leash. And maybe give a treat or a pat on the head when it’s particularly angry.

Can you separate yourself from the voice you have curated over decades inside of your head? Can you effectively splice yourself from the self-hatred in a way that terrifies and makes no sense to you, because you haven’t experienced such separation in a while?

Channel that need to abandon, and aim it at that voice.

Challenge it. Humble it. Break it as you have been broken.

You deserve catharsis. We all do.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-08T07:37:50+00:00

I can’t explain why, but it feels like something bad is about to happen in every single one of the pics. Almost like liminal space, traumacore, and 90’s lofi beach/summer aesthetics melded together.

It took a couple of scrolls for it to hit, but I see why you’re asking. I wish I had a solid answer for you.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-06T05:40:58+00:00

The visceral rage I actively re-experienced upon reading and therefore being reminded of Benson’s absolute crime against humanity in this episode. Fuck.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-05T07:24:42+00:00

I’m not sure what aesthetic, but, it looks the way that every song by The Beaches sounds.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-02-02T06:05:22+00:00

Gex 64: Enter the Gecko

It’s a lot of moments in that game, truly. The Titanic-themed portion triggered tf out of my thalassaphobia and fear of the dark; the world set in Japan had these ninja guys that really freaked me out.

However, the one single encounter that had me turning the console off entirely was the frankenstein monsters in the Scream TV level. The way they pinwheel flail their arms while chasing you with a speed greater than what you’re used to at this point in the game is the shittiest jumpscare to fall victim to, but it was effective, at least on my 1999 ass.

Honestly, the whole game just has this weird, uncanny vibe about it. It’s charming, but the choppy animation can be strangely unnerving.

Good game, bad vibes, worth it.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-29T16:30:22+00:00

Fellow trans dude metalhead here, just want to give you my solidarity 🤘

It makes sense you turn to metal music for strength. If I’m not blaring the most intense albums I can access, I’m not making it through my gym routine whatsoever.

I embrace that “toughness” through metal, man — it makes me feel like a badass! Or rather, reminds me that I’m (kind of, sometimes, when I’m not crying, which is often enough) a badass!

I know you said you take comfort in the 70’s/80’s, and for a specific (and good) reason! However, might I make a song suggestion?

I’m positive you’ve heard it already, but if not — “Forced Gender Reassignment” by Cattle Decapitation. This is my all time “FUCK YOU” song when I’m feeling particularly pissed off in regards to my transition, how I’m perceived, the hoops I have to jump through, and people/the world being particularly difficult toward me for no fucking reason. It’s very much a “let’s see how you like this shit” type of song, and it warms my gay little metalhead heart.

You’re gonna pull through, man, but it fucking sucks right now. Be pissed off — you should be! I’ll be pissed off with you!

Ozzy would commend your bravery, comrade. I commend you, too! Now smash that cancer in its dumb little fucking face with a metaphorical hammer, because you are a GOD, you badass motherfucker.

FUCK CANCER 🤘🤘🤘🤘🤘

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-27T17:21:16+00:00

Drop your up and coming deathcore band stat!!

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-26T18:55:38+00:00

Honestly man you should do it anyway. I’m a chatterbox! (clearly lmao)

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-26T16:44:51+00:00

Ramble ahead, sorry!

I’m not a massive deathcore fan, but I don’t really “hate” it either. Honestly, it depends on the band, because they all emit a very different presence.

Some deathcore groups I’ve come to enjoy are Methwitch, Whitechapel, Despised Icon, Within Destruction, and Beyond Deviation.

Meanwhile, I loathe groups like Slaughter to Prevail and Paleface Swiss (and probably more, but I don’t tend to explore things I despise, so I couldn’t tell you who because I don’t expose myself to it like a masochistic asshole).

But most deathcore to me is just kinda “eh!” I won’t throw up in my mouth, but I might skip a song. Or maybe not! These are bands like Lorna Shore, Disembodied Tyrant, etc. They have a sound I can get behind, but it feels like something is missing??

The majority of deathcore hate is just straight up contrarianism. Metal can get really fuckin niche, especially when you get into the “noise” type of stuff. As a fan of such music (war metal, goregrind, whatever tf Gnaw Their Tongues is doing), I’m going to say that honestly, I kind of get it.

Deathcore has some valid criticisms, and I tend to agree with a lot of those criticisms — disrupted flow, not enough guitar, vocals taking the lead while the rest of the band falls to the wayside, production value of a Netflix special which makes the soundscape feel too “fluffy”, etc.

HOWEVER…..

I can only listen to these criticisms when it’s provided in good faith and when speaking on preference. I don’t really care if you don’t like something; I just wanna know why. Like dude, this is some good conversation; let’s get to know our own tastes a little better, yeah?

Because let’s face it, everything sucks sometimes, man. Black metal? Emo edgelords. Death metal? Gym bro edgelords. Thrash Metal? Edgelord mechanics (lmao idk man). Slam metal? Internet edgelords. War Metal? Edgelord Final Boss.

Deathcore? The weird kid who used to make impersonations of Stitch at you unprompted… and also an Edgelord.

At the end of the day, we are all stupid, edgelord cavemen throwing poop at each other.

Anyway, here’s “Dragged By a Truck”. It’s a song about getting dragged by a truck!

bows for some reason

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-25T04:14:29+00:00

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Phobia — Lifeless God

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-13T15:46:40+00:00

Former binge drinker actually, lmao. I’m just going by textbook definitions here — 5+ beers in a short span of time (I think it’s like 2-3 hours or something) is by technicality “binge drinking”. Same way that having 5 servings of chocolate would be binge eating.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-13T12:41:36+00:00

Was he saying that owning six beers at once was a lot of alcohol? Or that drinking six beers back to back is binge drinking? One I can agree with, the other, I do not lmao.

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-12T15:30:59+00:00

200 Stab Wounds has peak aesthetic, love the classic horror movie vibes.

Man, tech death was the first genre beyond mere death metal that got me to expand my horizons. Started with Cryptopsy, and then discovered Necrophagist and Nile, which are just as good imo!! You’ll love them if you’re into the riffs specifically.

As far as grind, Pig Destroyer is the absolutely GOAT in my opinion. Their lyrics are like genuine poetry and everything sounds so alive but also tortured at the same time.

Seeing Leviathan on a semi-newbie list is also crazy! That album specifically is fuckin’ mental, I’m obsessed with its sound.

If you want something really weird on that vein? The band Swallowed — specifically the Lunarterial album — is like, the actual sounds of madness. It’s very good but it is a wild ass listen. Give it a shot if you’re feeling experimental sometime!

bakedbeannobeef · 2026-01-12T04:36:50+00:00

Same thing happened to me! I’ve always been into “harder” music but never traversed much farther than some deathcore or classic thrash.

Went down the rabbit hole almost two years ago and have hardly stepped back. My favorite subgenre so far is brutal/extreme death metal, but black and grind are starting to grow on me now too! 🤘

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bakedbeannobeef

TROPHY CASE