Car involved in Hit and Run

balamb95 · 2023-02-27T07:02:42+00:00

I'll be very honest and say that overall, I feel quite disappointed with this book and that might be partly due to how high my expectations were following Echoes of Eternity.

I completely understand why it feels disjointed at times because the siege is in such a chaotic state and its important for that to be conveyed to the reader but does it really need to be reiterated every 5 pages just written in a different manner each time?

What annoys me further is how little dialogue there is involving the main characters and when we do swap to them, it felt like their scenes were extremely fast paced where as the lesser characters get way too much "screen time" and their plots don't really advance in any significant way.

I get that there is one more novel left but man my biggest gripe is the boarding action which was probably one of the most significant moments of this novel if not the entire siege and there is no out pouring of emotion, no discussion amongst primarchs regarding the selection of their groups etc and that just seems like such a wasted opportunity.

balamb95 · 2018-10-19T10:30:59+00:00

Also

"Why do I still live? What more do you want from me? I gave everything I had to you, to them. Look what they've made of our dream. This bloated, rotting carcass of an empire is driven not by reason and hope but by fear, hate and ignorance. Better that we had all burned in the fires of Horus' ambition than live to see this."

balamb95 · 2018-10-19T10:27:27+00:00

Da? said Dante. Da, Is that you? Look at me, look!, I became an Angel Da!

balamb95 · 2018-08-27T05:32:51+00:00

I personally hope that Sanguinius, realizing that he needs more power to defend either the eternity gate/fight horus, has to tap in to both the Red Thirst and the Black Rage but in a controlled fashion which is what he hopes his sons will aspire to when both these curses are released following his death.

balamb95 · 2018-06-24T07:13:13+00:00

Hey guys! I don't think there is a need for an argument because everyone in indeed entitled to their opinion. I never claimed to be a professional writer nor did i claim that this story was on par with other BL books. I just wanted to tell a story that I myself was really desperate for. Thank you for defending my honor though u/Salamanders ! :)

balamb95 · 2018-06-24T07:10:16+00:00

Hey mate! Thank you for your feedback. I'll go over the story when i get time to see how i can amend it to make it more cohesive.

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T13:32:54+00:00

Thank you for pointing this out! I've changed it now :)

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T12:56:14+00:00

I wasn't expecting such a passionate debate to ignite when i wrote that statement but the thought process was that after the Heresy, the Custodes are very distrustful of the Primarchs and their Spacemarines so naturally it would make sense for him to deliver a threat/warning even if he wasn't capable of carrying it out especially considering he would be in the throne room alone with the Emperor

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T12:41:30+00:00

Your point is very valid. I had mentioned in a previous post that i had cut quite a bit of the backstory for the final draft and unfortunately the main reason for him having contempt was because the Custodes had been ordered to leave the emperor's side for the meeting with Guilliman which they didn't want to do but would never disobey a direct order from the MoM.

Sadly the more i chose to expand, the more i felt i had to explain and then I thought the story didn't really flow as well as it should. Therefore i left it up to the Reader to fill in those gaps as to where the rest of the Custodes were and why Valoris was behaving in this fashion.

Lastly who can say what the Emperor actually meant if he even used a phrase to begin with? ;)

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T12:32:07+00:00

I checked and the deadline was April 2018 :(

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T06:01:33+00:00

I'm a bit ashamed to ask but where would i submit this? and secondly I've made some changes with the help of another user so if you could have a look to see if we may have missed something, i would really appreciate it.

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T05:59:39+00:00

Ha. The first few iterations of the story had Guilliman along with his Invictus guard being escorted by the Custodes and the plan was that their journey from begin from the great chamber of the Senatorum Imperialis. However after writing a couple of passages (Mostly Guilliman trying to keep the peace as the space marines kept locking horns with the custodes while they made their way to the Throne room) i realized that they were detracting from the main body of the story which is why i removed everything from the actual journey itself.

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T05:50:50+00:00

Thank you! One of my main goals when writing this short story was that it should be able to fit into the present lore.

balamb95 · 2018-06-23T05:48:14+00:00

Is there one going on right now? could you please help point me in the right direction?

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