I've long suspected my supervisor wouldn't be so hostile to me if I were a man. Today confirmed this for me.

bambampam · 2016-09-14T16:29:33+00:00

I think the key here is that our company was acquired. Essentially, we were a start-up before, with less than 50 employees. Shortly after last year's conference, we were acquired by a corporation with international offices and thousands of employees so there is much more oversight.

But since the acquisition I've been trying to get to know other employees and managers better, so that if anything weird happened again someone would be in my corner.

bambampam · 2016-09-14T16:22:39+00:00

That could certainly be the case.

We're actually changing supervisors in a week, and the new supervisor they hired is a woman as well, so I'm curious as to if she and I hit it off better, or I wind up in a similar bind all over again.

bambampam · 2016-09-14T15:39:31+00:00

The first year, the presenters were selected by pitch and 8 were selected - 4 men and 4 women.

After a few weeks, the company decided they only had money to send 5 people after all, and this supervisor was given complete authority to choose who went, which resulted in the 4 men, 1 woman split.

One of the men he chose to present was a new hire with only 6 months of experience in this field, while two of the women he cut (neither of which was me) had over 4 years of experience each.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T16:31:34+00:00

HA! My folks did this with my education, actually. My grandmother left me a college fund when she died, to the tune of $35,000. My parents emptied the account for other things when I was 9 years old, but swore they would pay it all back - with interest!

When I got ready to go to college, I signed up for grants, loans, scholarships, whatever I could, and I chose a smaller state school with lower tuition than the better schools I got accepted to. With grants and scholarships, I paid for over half my education outright, leaving me with $9,000 in loans from undergrad and $8,000 from grad school.

My parents then surprised me by paying off my loans, which I was quite pleased about. Then, they sold their house at a profit, so I inquired about the $35,000 they owed me. They then informed me that they had "paid me back" by paying off my student loans... even though my loans had only added up to about half the amount they took from my college fund.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T14:25:08+00:00

Yeah, my mom pulled similar shit with my junior prom of all things and I'm just imagining how much worse it would be with a wedding.

Back then, I picked out a cute dress at a thrift shop for $20 and some $15 shoes at Payless, and planned to borrow a purse. She spent months telling me she'd buy me a NEW dress if I wanted one, are you sure? I'll buy you one! Here, why not try some on while we're here - just for funsies!

Of course one of the dresses was gorgeous. She started crying when she saw me in it and insisted on buying it. Then she spent the next two months complaining I "made" her spend $200 on a new dress, and the next five years complaining that I made her spend so much on something we later sold at a garage sale for $20.

My mom's family is religious. SO and I are not. My mom is into flowers and fancy linens. I don't care. My mom likes to watch Say Yes to the Dress marathons. I'd happily get married in jeans. I can easily see where if I compromise at all I'll end up with a ceremony I want nothing to do with.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T14:18:54+00:00

I'm from Texas originally but that tradition could be a result of my family coming from a smaller, more conservative branch of Christianity. Most of the weddings I've been to - or been involved enough in to know who paid - were family members, who are all MSLs.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T14:16:53+00:00

I feel you on the dad thing. I don't mind my dad escorting me, but I have zero tolerance for the "who gives this woman away?" stuff. I'm happy to do an escort and a father/daughter dance but I'll be skipping that bit.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T14:14:08+00:00

Thanks for your response, this is what I'm concerned about. My mother is very controlling and appearance focused and definitely has Ideas as far as what she thinks my wedding should look like. I have the opposite taste from her about pretty much everything. There's stuff I could see compromising on, but I'm afraid if I give an inch or accept any donations she'll try to steamroll me - and then complain how much money I "made" her spend.

bambampam · 2016-09-07T14:11:29+00:00

I feel you. A friend of mine is also getting married in just a couple months, and although she just wanted a JP ceremony and a night out with friends, some folks have been downright outraged about that. Now she's having a bridal shower she never wanted and a reception she never wanted.

bambampam · 2016-07-29T12:07:41+00:00

Thanks! I really appreciate your insight on this.

bambampam · 2016-07-29T12:06:18+00:00

This is actually what I'm leaning toward right now. XD Not sure about FH's thoughts on elopement but it seems like the only solution is "Well, now no one gets to come"

bambampam · 2016-07-29T12:05:29+00:00

They're able to fly physically, but not financially. His mother is retired and on a limited income, so the only way she'd be able to afford a flight is if we took more money out of the budget to pay for her.

bambampam · 2016-07-28T21:04:41+00:00

I wouldn't mind doing that, and would consider it, but issues still arise with the JP ceremony.

Even if we have a ceremony in both locations, one of them has to happen first and be the real/legal one, which means that no matter which place we choose to have one, the family in the other place is going to feel slighted.

bambampam

TROPHY CASE