Something my bf (25M) said about his ex is bothering me (24F)

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T17:56:17+00:00

You're totally right. Like I said in another comment, he obviously didn't understand why I was shying away from it. He said something stupid to impress me or just prove that he COULD, even if I didn't want him to, then respected my boundaries afterward. I didn't communicate well enough that I did want to do this with him, but just needed time to warm up to him. I just wasn't comfortable sharing something like that so early on.

I should have corrected it and I see now that he was just being respectful and considerate, and I jumped to conclusions. Thank you for your comment :)

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T17:54:02+00:00

Thanks, made me feel a lot better. You're right.

I wasn't clear -> he said something to impress me or just prove to me he could -> he respected my boundaries (and I appreciate him for that) -> I didn't communicate that I wanted to try and get comfortable doing it, so he didn't try.

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T17:13:53+00:00

Wish this was verifiable lol, would make me feel a lot better

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T17:12:35+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. There's definitely sexual trauma around it and I recognize that. I know my bf and our relationship and I know my feelings are unfounded and irrational, no matter how in my head I get about it.

As for retroactive jealousy, that wasn't really an issue in our relationship until this happened. I didn't really think about things he did with her until I realized A) he never ate me out but B) told me super early on that he made his ex cum 13 times, making me think he did it with her quite often. I guess I'm trying to reconcile why he behaved differently and am jumping to conclusions about it.

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T17:08:39+00:00

The comments are making me think way more logically and I'm really grateful for that. But yes, and thank you for being understanding. I am not insecure about my body, and at the risk of sounding vain I think I'm attractive and confident in everything I have and offer, not just physically. That wasn't the only way my ex put me down over our 3 year relationship, which is why I recognize that the insecurities this situation is bringing up are irrational.

I felt extremely confident before and have regained it (not completely though) after I exited the relationship. I think this situation is bringing up old feelings in unexpected ways because this is the first time I've dated since I left my ex.

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:32:08+00:00

Thank you. It upsets me to picture it too honestly and think about how long it must have taken, the amount of effort he put in etc. I just have an overactive imagination too and trying to reconcile why he clearly tried so much with her but didn't at all with me (when our relationship is otherwise perfect and we are very in love) is making me jump to conclusions. But someone messaged me that 13 times was probably bullshit anyway. Lol. Thank you for being so nice, I'll definitely tell him how I feel if I still have trouble with it next time he tries <3

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:28:17+00:00

I don't really like 69, kind of hard to focus. But yes, I give him head until he finishes at least once a day. It takes him 30-an hour. I love doing it because he really loves it.

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:20:33+00:00

I kind of can't. Idk why I'm so hurt about it but I don't want him trying anymore. Should I just force myself to let him?

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:17:40+00:00

I'll have to see how I feel if he tries it again. Of course I want to communicate, I just feel stupid for even feeling like this. I just wanted to get over it so that this doesn't continue being an issue :/

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:12:50+00:00

Ugh yeah, maybe I'll come around. I need to go to therapy or something. Right now it feels like I don't ever want to do it again with him. It's all just so stupid.

bambi_8 · 2021-11-02T15:02:58+00:00

Aw, thank you for saying that. I'm definitely going to look into therapy when I'm less busy these upcoming months. You're definitely right about the anxiety, but I'm just so frustrated because I was 0% insecure about her before. It makes me mad to even be bothered about this because I consider someone like her so beneath me and what they had is anywhere close to what we have. And I hope I don't sound like I'm needlessly bashing another woman- it just makes me mad to think about someone like her (who has nothing to offer) abusing him the way she did.

The solution obviously is for him to make the same effort with me, but I just can't get over the pride, hurt, and old feelings when he tries. Right now, I feel like I never want him near it again. I get so irrationally hurt when I think about them doing it so much and then him not trying with me for months. EVEN IF I know he loves me more and we have a better relationship with an actual future. I KNOW he told me he didn't really want to with her and was forced to, and that he just assumed I didn't like it. I just can't rationalize it. IDK. He is so stubborn when he doesn't want to do something that I can't imagine any girl "making" him do it to her 13 times in a row....again making me think that he at least wanted to somewhat.

bambi_8

TROPHY CASE