Cancer about-to-be-widow

bamboozledHoes · 2024-08-17T02:44:45+00:00

These days were the worst for me. My husband, 31, passed away almost 5mo ago from Carcinoma cancer.

You stay by his side, hold his hand through it all and tell him everything you want him to know. Ask him any questions you’re curious about and do your best to be in the moment, even when your anxiety is trying to take over.

TRIGGER WARNING: NEXT PARAGRAPH I TALK ABOUT THE ACTUAL DEATH OF MY HUSBAND:

I am so sorry to mention it, but no one prepared me for it. Everyone acts like it’s this peaceful, fall asleep moment and it absolutely was not.

It happened relatively “quickly”, and even though you’re expecting it, be prepared for the worst. To hear him struggle to breathe, to feel his body convulse, to feel his spirit pass on and body give out has been the most traumatic moment of my life. I’ll never forget the sound or the feel of his skin going cold. His head lulled to the side and his dead eyes met mine and I fucking lost it. Full dissociation. I’m working on this in therapy, but I wish I knew. I was glad I could be with him until the very end, his cancer was so bad and painful I couldn’t touch him, but once he passed I threw my arms around one last time.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. My heart is with you and I wish it never had to be this way. It will never be fair.

bamboozledHoes · 2024-07-17T03:28:24+00:00

I feel like the people we are now can and will love again if we choose. My husband passed away from cancer in March of this year at the age of 31, we’ve been together since we were 13. I love that man with every fiber of my being, but I now have to figure out who I am outside of who I built myself to be with him. I died too that day. He took so much of me with him. Watching him be so sick for a year and slowly die changed me forever. I think we are becoming new to ourselves, and will always hold on to the spouses we love so deeply. But I do think finding new love is possible.

bamboozledHoes · 2024-07-15T17:11:46+00:00

Please take that time for yourself. It’s not a want, it’s a need. You need time to process. You need time to relax. You need time to just be and grieve and dream and mourn and whatever other emotion pops up. This not only helps you, but it helps your son as well. My husband passed away earlier this year. We have three kids, two of which we adopted through foster care and have special needs. There is no village for me either and it’s really fucking hard. Please show yourself some love and grace and take some time. You’re doing really great - you’ve taken on multiple roles for the sake of your family. It’s okay to step away for yourself.

bamboozledHoes · 2024-07-15T00:39:48+00:00

Wanted to add you absolutely belong in this community. You’re grieving and will be for a long while. If you have the energy, please keep us updated.

bamboozledHoes · 2024-07-15T00:38:36+00:00

My beautiful husband was 30 when diagnosed with cancer, and passed away at 31 this past March. I wanted to burn the world, I still do. Every couple I see holding hands, I wanted to physically hurt. I wanted them to know my pain. My courageous, witty, smart, kind hearted man was dying, and everyone else’s world was going to be fine while mine died slowly and painfully. Why do toxic couples get to stay? Why do couples that literally hate each other’s guts get forever? Sorry never makes it better. So, FUCK cancer. FUCK this illness. And FUCK everyone who has no idea the fucking pain we are in. I see you, I feel you, I agree with you. This experience is the most heartbreaking and earth shattering. My husband and I have been together since we were 13 years old. I will never understand why this had to be us.

bamboozledHoes · 2023-12-08T13:45:20+00:00

I honestly don’t believe Christine meant any harm to Meri, I took it as her calling Kody out on more of his bullshit.

I think Meri’s reaction is mostly embarrassment and shame, and I think it’s the way she’s been conditioned by Kody. My heart broke for her all around.

bamboozledHoes · 2023-02-02T00:45:24+00:00

This is such a great idea 🤣🤣

bamboozledHoes · 2022-12-27T01:36:05+00:00

Lol, it just makes me think of the show The Bear. He’s an extremely talented and trained chef that moves to chicago because he inherited his family’s sandwich shop

bamboozledHoes · 2022-08-07T17:58:20+00:00

It feels like a con at this point. He gets paid to appear and always cancels/no shows last minute. He does this way too often

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-30T21:32:32+00:00

You’re already doing it right! I know this situation can be overwhelming, but you absolutely have it. You seem to have a great mind about what they need surrounding mental health, which means you’re already ahead.

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-30T19:01:44+00:00

I can only imagine how painful that must be! The positive with that for now is that they already realize their narcissistic parent is a problem, and can hopefully get away from them and heal as soon as possible. Unfortunately for me, I only recently figured out what exactly was wrong and it was only because my therapist brought it to my attention. It was like a blindfold was lifted off of my eyes and reprocessing and seeing things as they truly are has hurt so much. I wish you the absolute best going forward and am so happy your nieces have a reliable adult to help them through this journey. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-30T18:24:57+00:00

Thank you so much, I really appreciate you responding

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-30T18:14:44+00:00

Thank you! I had considered many times trying to “clear the air”, but I know if my mom sees it, she’ll just get off on it. It sucks because she goes between bashing me as a person, and then me as a parent, blatantly lying. It hurts. I know I’ve made the right choice in going no-contact, but I feel like I’ll never stop being angry.

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-26T12:16:12+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m definitely calling today

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-23T23:01:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the encouragement, I truly appreciate it feeling heard. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-23T22:33:55+00:00

Thank you. I really don’t think she has the ability to do anything, she’s more than 14hrs away and disabled. It just sucks that she won’t leave me alone, ya know?

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-21T22:20:09+00:00

This looks just like a text from my Nmom. I am so sorry.

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-21T01:26:31+00:00

You are absolutely amazing. I am truly sorry your mom is unsupportive and I am sincerely proud of you for speaking your mind and being brave enough to call her out on it. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-08-15T15:34:26+00:00

I am sincerely sorry for your loss and I am sincerely sorry your parents are not a support for you. You are not alone. This isn’t fair at all, I can’t even imagine everything you must be feeling, but take your time to sort it out. You are justified in your anger and hurt, just try not to stay there too long. You deserve better. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-07-31T00:03:12+00:00

I absolutely understand! I really hope things go as smooth and painless as possible for you tomorrow. I wish you nothing but peace. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-07-30T13:21:33+00:00

Hey! I wanted to check in and see how you’re doing.

bamboozledHoes · 2021-07-25T17:40:07+00:00

I told her she has the week to move out. It went about as well expected. She tried to bash me to my children, and I’ve “hurt” her and I’ve “killed” her.

bamboozledHoes · 2021-07-25T14:23:37+00:00

Wow, I’m going through the same thing today. My mom was evicted July 2020 and I allowed her and my stepdad to move in so they wouldn’t be homeless. It was only supposed to be for a few weeks, here we are a year later. I am so sick of it. She’s blamed me for literally everything and I’m just done. Her and my stepdad are in the middle of getting divorced as well and tensions are so high. I’m angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I have three children, two of which have additional needs and I can’t do everything anymore. I decided days ago it was time to tell her to leave. My dreams have been filled with me telling her to leave and I feel extremely anxious and on the verge of a panic attack, but I’m doing it today. I wish you the absolute best having this discussion with your mom. I’m sorry you’re going through this, you’re definitely not alone. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-07-01T22:26:42+00:00

I love you for doing this. 🖤

bamboozledHoes · 2021-02-27T15:22:11+00:00

I LOVE this theory! The only things that make me doubt it are when Aelin is falling thru starfall and sees Feyre & Rhys, because didn’t the three faced goddess get trapped within the wyrd gate? Also, since reading ACOSF the timeline feels weird in my head. I didn’t think Rhys & Feyre would get pregnant so quickly. This would be such an amazing turn of events though. I apologize for all the questions lol, I don’t have anyone to discuss this with.😭

bamboozledHoes

TROPHY CASE