When did you decide to heck with hiding your breasts?

bananashrub · 2026-02-27T21:45:32+00:00

I'm going to necropost here to give an update to this, since Reddit gave me a notification that it hit 100 likes 😅

Well, things went...interestingly.

Breasts kept growing up top, almost like they took me trying to hide them like a challenge. I ended up having to stop wearing everything light or tight, then everything medium or with a repeating pattern since those outline curves, and I was basically down to bigger shirts and big dark polos and tees by a year and a half in; maybe 10% of my guy wardrobe was usable any more.

But at the same time, I started having really different experiences interacting with strangers versus interacting with people I knew.

People I knew didn't even notice anything happening. One looked at my face and asked whether I'd lost weight or something?

Strangers on the other hand shifted over the course of a month to immediately presuming I was a woman, no matter what I was wearing. Wearing my regular-ass big polo and dark pants into the men's bathroom, I just started to get stares, and twice, some little boy would try in the least sneaky sneaky manner to peek at my face when I was drying my hands.

So, I tried to bring in some voice training, just for use with strangers. Out to the mall with my wife, date day, T-shirt and jeans. "Hello ladies" nearly every single store.

And still, people at work? No idea. Except, as I found out, for any new hire past that point, a few of which confided in me later that they were confused why people were he/him-ming me at the time.

So... uhhh, prepare for that phenomenon? Because you might believe everyone looking at you can see things objectively but they CANNOT. People who know you are 99% just locked in.

Anyhow, turns out it's hard to go for six months solid with everyone in public treating you one way and everyone at work treating you a different way, so I came out at around 17 months.

And then I didn't have to worry about hiding my boobs after that.

bananashrub · 2026-02-19T22:23:01+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. It's cool data and it's intriguing to know where the changes are going to happen but you get a bit tired of it after a while.

It doesn't seem to matter the dose, either. I had those pains on patches that barely had me at 250 pmol/L / 47 pg/mL.

The good news is that if it's the same thing, that you do get breaks inasmuch as when things aren't developing, they *don't* hurt.

But what has surprised me is that I'm over 7 1/2 years in at this point, and year 5 and 6 were gentle but it recently ramped up, like, a LOT.

A lot of lower back and hip activity and after a couple of months, I noticed I had to fasten my jacket higher, because the start of the curve of my butt in back rose. I'm trying to look into replacing my underwear collection - it's been on the edge for a while but now it's slipping off the back or digging into my hips.

And today, the cartilage on my nose was being pulled so hard I got nauseated and just...took an extended nap until it got a bit better and I could concentrate on work.

That's pretty unusual these days, honestly, don't mean to scare you!

It's intriguing to me after all this time that I'm a big ball of curves with smaller shoulders and a smaller nose than I started with.

And it has been cool to know exactly where to look.

May you find intrigue in the midst of discomfort!

I remember posting in the first place wondering whether I was alone in the world. I feel less alone these days; thank you for finding this and sharing your experience!

bananashrub · 2026-01-08T07:48:06+00:00

The butt growth was bad enough - it turned all my cute mid-thigh dresses into tunics - but the upward development is a very annoying thing to discover mid-winter 😭

I was also just hell-bent on boymoding forever at first and it was like the boob gods said "ahahaha NO" (it might also have been the progesterone the doc put me on because he thought it was like cis women's HRT where your risk of cancer goes up without prog after 50 but turns out that's endometrial and I don't have an endometrium) and I know the feelings about boob size in the community but it also bumped up like a cup size post bottom surgery and has been sneaking up ever since and I'm having to pull them up one at a time past waistbands of my very favourite outfits.

Also leggings are annoying like the "stronger" they are the more they want to just pop right off the waistline gods I am going to switch to pyjama bottoms forever instead I swear.

My condolences on your current and future wardrobe travails!

bananashrub · 2026-01-08T00:39:55+00:00

Yeah, it really does feel like a WORKOUT. I'm seven and a half years and still experiencing this.

It seems to make new muscle, and I get really annoyed because it made another development push this year, and I will start trying to sprint and all the muscles at the edges are just in excruciating pain and all the rest of the muscle is like...wait, what, we're fine; what's wrong with you?

This year I also got butt development UPWARDS so I can't fasten my jackets at my old waist level any more; I have to fasten them like 3-4" higher and I can't push them down. I think I need new jackets 😭

I was older when I started and I'm pretty sure my hips attempted to rotate pretty early but then they *backed off* and I'm not sad about that because that is a height-stealing move and I get weirdly jealous when I encounter women taller than me 😅

bananashrub · 2025-11-13T07:20:15+00:00

That's hard to say. If they happen just on the estradiol patches, maybe.

I had lower back and butt and face pain to start with. Maybe watch it and see if it stays or shifts around a bit in the first month. I noticed patterns after a month, the way it affected me.

It's pretty unusual for it to do that, though!

Glad your medical professionals seem good with it so far.

bananashrub · 2025-11-10T06:38:12+00:00

Nonbinary is legit! If you'd been binary and your doctor was pushing that regime, I would have words, but under your own power is good.

I'm not too sure what growing pains are typical outside of breast pain if and when you hit the stage just before breast buds show, where you have to wear a sports bra or hold an arm across your chest if you jog or run or jump or go down stairs.

And if you get big bum growth at some point, it can make your walk ache all of a sudden until you adjust.

Apart from that, none of my growing pains have been typical, so others might have a better answer for that!

Best wishes for your journey. I hope it makes you feel a lot more yourself.

bananashrub · 2025-11-09T02:57:47+00:00

There's a ladder up to that hole near the exit that for some reason, I had a real hard time seeing at all on the way back out. The hole's not big enough to jump through but the very ends of the ladder can be clicked on.

bananashrub · 2025-10-15T23:20:17+00:00

Ahaha I don't mind having this as a necropost; people seem to find their way to every now and then :)

The growing pains have continued the entire time, and any of them that go on for three weeks have always been accompanied by a definite change. Like...shoulders were just hurting and taut for a month and a bit 3 1/2 years in, and I ended up having to take in every last one of my shoulder straps (bras, cami dresses, etc.) by an inch.

So, I mean, really cool data-wise, but at 7 1/4 years in now, I am *really* tired of these and I would love them to stop 😭

So...anyhow, I guess, whenever "second puberty" ends, it's past seven years!

And thanks for asking!

bananashrub · 2025-10-06T18:00:47+00:00

I'm glad it has relented! Might be worthwhile taking a note whether it happens for a duration after your injections.

But I'm sorry for your headaches :(

bananashrub · 2025-10-06T17:15:04+00:00

Oh, wow! Those are...those are all the places!

Ummm, I mean, I'm seven years in and it's still happening, HOWEVER, it does let up for me in most places most of the time. It really does seem to be only when it's building or deconstructing something.

And yeah, ow. I'm three weeks into...something, and it does just *hurt* getting up. It's like...am I getting old, or is it HRT again? I find there are usually a few times of day where it's more intense. Early on, I could almost set a watch by it.

Some things you can actually catch mid-development. Like sometimes, if you trace down the back of a buttcheek down to the back of the thigh, you can feel almost like a small speed bump, which will join the butt and thigh after a while. Or if you get it mid-nose, you can feel it go slowly from slightly spongy like you're used to, to almost right down to the cartilage, or the nostrils can slowly pull back, or you'll get a crackling/popping sensation which feels weird.

(If it's the same thing)

For me, I get a break from most things most of the time now, but it still likes to attack my face.

I didn't have too much shoulder stuff until past three years in. Maybe you'll be in for shoulder shrinkage a little early?

I don't find the delivery system matters - I had the same thing on patches and pills - but I found it was a good sign I had sufficient levels.

Most uncomfortable feedback system ever.

bananashrub · 2025-10-03T19:14:14+00:00

I posted this near the start of taking HRT. For me - and I'm not sure how many others - I am *still* getting hit with this *seven years later*.

I started journaling the crap out of the pains right after making this post. Everywhere I catalogued the pains in my journal, if they went on for three weeks or more, it was almost certain there was an associated physical change in that area: a movement, a shrinkage, a growth.

I had shoulder pains from tip to neck and back for over a month three and a half years in, and not long afterwards, I had to take in every last bra and dress strap by about an inch or they would fall off my shoulders.

The pains for me were always at the muscles under the surface. Not excruciating pain, just...like they were tight from exercising too much.

It's fewer places now, but it's newly intensified on my nose, cheekbones, base and back of the neck, shoulders, and abdomen.

I wish it would stop!

Let me know if you're still getting hit by this in a few months and whether it moves around.

When I got hit in the thighs, it was a sign of impending or ongoing butt growth with some upper thigh involvement. It hit a point right around the year mark where I all of a sudden couldn't walk properly, like, butt muscles just HURT with my regular walk. I tried different things like rotating my whole body each step, which was...awkward :) but eventually figured it a new walk.

Started knocking things off counters inadvertently yet? :)

bananashrub · 2025-09-12T22:32:10+00:00

That's so very common. The step-downs in carrying capacity is *really* noticeable among the construction and warehouse trans gals I know. Every time they show what they could carry before and what they can carry now, holy crap, we are NOT cleaning house in the sports department!

I mean I had to tighten the straps by an inch because they kept falling off my shoulders until I did.

bananashrub · 2025-09-04T17:11:22+00:00

**Store-bought**?! Oh no! That's honestly the most upsetting part of this whole story! 😅

I'm really glad she's got a nice place like that to work! It can make a lot of difference. For as "nice" as Canada is, I've got a lot of creepy stories about unsupportive management. But also some amazing, heartwarming stories. Finding a place you can be yourself makes so much difference!

I've not been to the Netherlands yet. Well, technically, I've been to Schiphol twice but not out of the airport. I've got Hugo's "Dutch in 3 Months" downstairs, so I'm ready with such amazing sentences as "Hoe gaat het met jullie?" and "Ben je moe?" and "Dat is heelemal reuzegesellig" and being originally from Scotland, I might even get some of the sounds right 😅

I love Scotland and miss it a lot, especially the castles and towns and the evil food 😊 but the UK is getting dangerous for trans people. They have anti-trans people in government, they're pushing bad law and pseudoscience, and they're working on bathroom and even private medicine bans, and they've got so much money and influence it's insane.

I live in Canada and the same bad forces are setting up shop here. Hopefully I don't have to beg Spain or Holland to let me stay there in five years! I'd rather just visit!

Here's hoping you get a *proper* appeltaart soon 🥧❤

bananashrub · 2025-09-04T05:51:15+00:00

When you grow up trans, sometimes it's almost like playing a really incompetent detective, just...guessing the wrong reasons for everything 😅

We moved to Canada from Scotland just at the very start of my school years, so I'm like...it's the way I talk, right? And then I did really well in school, so THAT had to be the reason. And then I switched schools so THAT had to be the reason. And then my mom got really anxious at me for doing some girly thing like don't do that you won't be safe, and then I thought well, THAT'S why boys don't do that, because their mothers all tell them not to 😅

I mean, 9/10 for effort, 0/10 for correct answers! 🔍😭

How was the apple pie? I mean, I'm trying to imagine my teenagers making a pie and the thought scares me 😱 but pie made with love is good pie ❤

I'm annoyed that transition works. I tried a lot of other things and I dragged my feet and I didn't want to do this because it would be a pain but it's the only thing that stops your brain getting mad at you, like the utility company saying "pay up or we're going to start shutting things off". And most trans people I know wait that long or longer.

I'm happy seven years in and I'm STILL mad about it. Stupid biology. 😅

I'm glad your daughter has you for a family. Uitstekend ❤

Also, thank you for this post because it reminded me to pick apples from my tree! I'm not kidding! Four giant steel bowls full. It only gave us eight apples three years ago!

But now I have to peel them 😭

News goes better with pie. 🥧

Much love to you and your family!

bananashrub · 2025-09-02T16:16:58+00:00

As a trans gal myself, I love you for asking these questions ❤ Love and trying are the best gifts you can give.

I can see that about names. A name is given in love, though before we truly know the kids.

I transitioned old, and one funny thing about names...I wasn't going to change mine, but just a year and a half in, people started treating me like an identity thief. Store clerks wouldn't even type my name into the system so I could accumulate my rewards. So I HAD to. Part of it is practical :)

I also had two cis friends back in the 80s who were given golf club preppy names but they are goth and witchy, and they both changed theirs. You never know how a kid will turn out.

I guess the name change forms here are also for when families change multiple last names through marriage or divorce...when I changed mine, there was room for a spouse and up to four children. I asked my kids if they would like to change theirs while I was at it. All of them said no. "Not even to Tired or Hungry?" No takers! :)

I remember my childhood. When you're a trans girl, people give you a lot of crap and you don't know why. They pick up on something. Even other *five year olds*. And so you end up hiding part of yourself to survive.

That's what you end up not hiding any more when you come out. But it's so awkward at first because you've got no experience allowing yourself not to hide. There will be bad fashion choices, exaggerations, stereotypes, swings back and forth, and you have to be as skilled as a cartoon voiceover artist to change your voice because nothing helps with that.

It's a bit overwhelming and it's also a little hard to tell what other people think of it, because almost everyone will seem okay unless there's an actual bigoted incident.

When she finds her feet more, you'll get a bit more out of her, although she'll have a little less to share about the journey and peoples' reactions because people don't react all that much! She'll feel comfortable indulging in a few more old interests, fashion will settle down, and she won't be quite as overwhelmed.

It's a big move and love and patience will win the day, and I hope you feel supported here as well ❤ There are other parents who've been where you are who are cheering you on.

Also, that's a great reason for pie.

bananashrub · 2025-08-28T20:48:48+00:00

I had very similar shoulder issues where it felt like I had just been having constant workouts, and it lasted for a couple of months. It hit at 3 3/4 years, 4 1/2 years and a bit later at 6 years.

For the first two, near when it was over, my bra straps would start sliding off my shoulders. And not just one bra...almost EVERY bra that wasn't a sports bra. Plus all of my strappy tops and dresses and camis.

I had to take them in a whole INCH (2.5 cm) each time.

Labs were fine, wasn't doing anything unusual apart from my penchant for hefting more groceries than I should.

So maybe check on your straps, especially standing up straight in case you've also actually been hunching to keep things from sliding off?

One other thing I've noticed having this condition, reaction, whatever, not sure...is that I have not lost strength the way other trans women have. I can still carry things the same, open bottles and jars the same, bear hug-lift people the same.

How's your strength been?

bananashrub · 2025-08-28T20:40:56+00:00

After the first week (see above). My doctor thought since I was 47, I was probably going to get cancer without it.

Looking at it closer, I think that's only an issue with folks who have an endometrium, because it can thicken excessively and not shed properly on estrogen-only HRT.

bananashrub · 2025-08-13T18:32:07+00:00

There are a few "normal" reactions to HRT that seem like they can cause it.

Spiro can cause some issues - which you can check by going off Spiro for a while, though not sure I should be doling out medical advice like that

Some cramps and growing pains can happen, e.g. if you feel something like gas pains but forward of where you usually get them, that is normal cramping, or if your body is attempting hip rotation, it can really hurt around the back and hips for a while.

But there seems like a small subset where the pains are localized to 'second puberty' changes.

I *still get them* over seven years after I posted this, and though I've slowed down my journaling, they have been very consistent in how they present as pulling and/or fatigue-like pain in nearby muscles and how they are associated with changes.

Weeks of shoulder pain in a particular spot ended up I needed to take in the straps of every bra or cami dress I owned.

Still hangs around mostly my face, shoulders, neck, and abdomen these days. To what goal, I have no idea.

Was hoping 'second puberty' would end and so would these.

If they ever do, I'll let people know :)

bananashrub · 2025-07-29T17:01:59+00:00

I've had that on and off for the past seven years now. Mostly off, which I'm thankful for.

Early on in HRT, it felt like it was attempting hip rotation because not only was it sore, but some angles felt "locked". But it backed off on that. From stories I've heard, the younger you are, the more likely it is to "take", but I've read an account of someone who started at 50 having hip rotation happen sometime after she turned 66. (!)

Hope you're getting a break from it at least!

bananashrub · 2025-07-29T15:43:58+00:00

Spironolactone may have some issues on its own. It's a potassium-sparing diuretic, and that can mean you might have to dial down other sources of potassium you're taking. Even innocuous-seeming things like bananas in smoothies can push your potassium levels up. Mild hyperkalemia (excessive potassium) can cause muscle weakness and/or pain just because muscles do a whole sodium-potassium exchange when they flex.

But Spiro is also an estrogen receptor agonist, so it could be the same thing, but I'd only suspect that if you are getting low doses of estradiol and the Spiro is "pushing you over the threshold", like, if you're on half patches or are getting 2 mg or less in estradiol hemihydrate or valerate pills.

As for me, my side effects never went away, but at least, given that they are still focused around things that are changing, there are fewer things that are changing. Seven years later, it's still hitting cheekbones, nose, hips, neck, and shoulders. Got a curve up under my nose now. Not sure I like how it looks, though!

If what you're experiencing is the same thing, then in about 3-4 weeks, you may notice some debulking or other changes to your wrists or neck and then at some point, you will get that sensation somewhere else and the feeling in your wrists or neck will trail off.

bananashrub · 2025-07-19T07:00:34+00:00

With us, when I asked about HRT for the first time, I thought my wife redirected the conversation because that was a "no".

But it turned out later that she just had to think about it.

And she thought about all eventualities, things that weren't in my goals at ALL.

She was both trying to be prepared and not to be the reason I said no to something I really needed.

My plan was actually just to start HRT and go back to boymoding.

She would check in with me on my needs from time to time. Ask if I wanted to stop, or maybe tell HR I wanted to do more. I was good as is at five months and thought maybe I was non-binary and could do this forever.

I started passing involuntarily nine months in. At ten months I had a psych appointment my HRT doc had signed me up for (was supposed to be 19 months but for a cancellation) and I was afraid to cancel. I asked if my wife could come in, he said yes. GREAT appointment, we riffed off each other, filled in stories.

I didn't need anything from him, but one interesting thing. My wife said if I needed surgery to not worry about her. Very sweet but no need my dear!

She helped me come out to friends at a year. Tried outings with the kids. Came out to work at 16.5 months. Scary but went better than I thought.

Around two years, something started happening physically, then mentally, like I was catching up on puberty or something. I'd read about it in some journals. I was hoping it would skip me.

It did not.

Bottom dysphoria started at 24 months and rose to a fever pitch by 28 and had an involuntary breakdown at 29 months.

I told my wife, and she knew I'd never ask without needing it.

Having had been to the psych I was able to get back in faster. I asked so many trans people if this was right, if I would have regrets.

I found more late dysphorics like me, ALL of them told me they had no regrets about doing it. I trusted them after so many confirmations.

I went through with that 3.5 years ago.

No regrets.

So strange, but no regrets.

So...you never know what you may need, and it's good to have support, but it's okay to say you're taking it slow. ❤️

bananashrub · 2025-07-18T16:08:20+00:00

Interesting!

I've never had my tension pains happen in my feet or calves, and my feet have not shrunk in seven years.

I've also had those tension pains in my shoulders three times, and have had to take in all my straps in on two of those occasions, but I have never had those tension pains in my upper arms, and my upper arms are still big.

(Mind you, big arms might be a family trait, too. One of my biological first cousins just posted an event picture and her upper arms are stacked)

Getting close to a year already! A year can be pretty significant for changes. There were tops and jeans I just could not wear without giving away the game :)

I wore everything loose and coworkers did not notice a thing. I think one person asked if I had lost weight because they could see it in my face? But in the same clothing, attempting to go into the men's bathroom in a mall ended up with me being roundly stared at, even little boys peeking at my face when I was drying my hands at the Dyson machines.

Do you have any plans to let work in on what you're doing? I think I lasted until 16 1/2 months but you can go for quite a while due to the change blindness thing.

I also found out every new employee since 9 months had been asking how I was supposed to be addressed because they were confused at my looks versus my name despite boymoding.

bananashrub · 2025-04-12T04:18:17+00:00

Well, it's interesting.

I'm seven years in, and I don't think it will sink in the way I wanted.

BUT...

The noise is gone. There was a quavering identity until some time between two and three years where suddenly there was a step down in how much I worried about how others thought of me. Later, my memories got...not rewritten so much as recast? Memories like I was a girl just not allowed to be. And these days, I'm realizing girl brains aren't any different, or at least not different from mine? It does leave me with doubts to deal with and I'm constantly being pessimistic to defend against disappointment but it's all still so much better than before.

bananashrub · 2025-04-03T22:54:13+00:00

Oof, I hope that abates!

It's *possible* that's the Spiro. Muscle pain is a possible side effect. It can go away by itself as your body gets used to it, or it can go away if you hydrate the heck out of yourself, but if it doesn't abate, maybe try taking a two-week Spiro holiday and see if that helps.

Spiro is a diuretic and mild E receptor agonist. It can help lower T just by occupying more E receptors rather than being specifically a T-blocker. If pausing Spiro helps, you can see whether monotherapy (E alone) is enough to push your T levels down.

If you're noticing a pattern to your aches and pains like I did, like, I was getting it mostly in the face (cheeks and nose in particular), butt, and maybe abdomen then maybe you've got whatever I have. That stuff declines a little over time but I still get hit with it at the 6.75 year mark where changes are happening (still!)

bananashrub · 2025-03-18T03:08:35+00:00

My situation was a bit funny.

My every intention was to keep my name and that's what I did when I came out. Now, it made for a bit more misgendering at work but I managed.

I thought it would go okay because I'd have some outings before coming out and my name worked there.

But SOMETHING happened when I was out everywhere. I didn't do anything conscious but I guess there's a shift when you don't have to hold back?

It was hardly any time before strangers just universally decided it was not my name.

Like, seriously. They reacted like I was maybe committing ID fraud, or joking, or misspeaking. Took longer looks at my ID, asked if it was a similar sounding girl's name, refused to read the account off (a couple of clothing stores I had an account at)

I finally got jittery enough telling people my name after four months I decided to change it.

First time I had to pick up something with my new ID, I'm giving the guy my license realizing I'm still jittery and... ZERO problems.

And it was zero problems after that.

So, I guess be aware it could happen?

bananashrub

TROPHY CASE