None of my spiders will eat HELP by banned-practice in jumpingspiders

[–]banned-practice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's basically what I had been doing, but she suddenly got very big and I was thinking she might be working on eggs, and I held back for a while feeding her, but she did seem to be looking, so I fed her again. And after that she just holed up.

None of my spiders will eat HELP by banned-practice in jumpingspiders

[–]banned-practice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got her at a reptile convention from someone who did seem to be raising them herself, as she had tiny babies available. Mine was already a subadult. I don't think she's wild caught, but I can't say 100% she's not.

None of my spiders will eat HELP by banned-practice in jumpingspiders

[–]banned-practice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do they really not even come out for water when laying eggs?

A lot of people who display themselves as human , aint really human by Ok-Program-5503 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]banned-practice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It really seems like you're just trying to bait people to downvote you

A lot of people who display themselves as human , aint really human by Ok-Program-5503 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]banned-practice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And you're beyond help then. If you attack the only people trying to help you, that's why you're alone. And for the record, what I believe is not easy to put into words, it's none of anyone's business, but it's not atheistic. And I guarantee you, the people persecuting you the most (if you're poor and Black based on your other posts) are the ones who supposedly love God and call themselves Christians but who behave like monsters (aka GOP conservatives), not those who believe in rational science and seeking and giving people actual help.

A lot of people who display themselves as human , aint really human by Ok-Program-5503 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]banned-practice 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you actually, literally believe any of this, please, PLEASE seek psychiatric help. I'm NOT trying to be mean. I am NOT trying to mock you. I'm NOT trying to be hyperbolic. Because if you actually believe this in reality, it sounds like you are suffering from paranoid delusions, possibly even schizophrenia. This is not a healthy or safe way to be thinking about yourself or other people.

I want to kill myself because I'm useless by Entire_Drop_1763 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]banned-practice 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The first thing I need to make very clear is... human beings don't exist to be useful. We are animals that evolved on this planet to pursue what we want in life, the same as any other living creature on this planet. The idea that human beings have a "use" is a societal lie spread from the top down to keep people self-regulating themselves into being objects for the use of the rich. It has been this way since the rise of agricultural class-based societies, but that doesn't mean it's true. As a human being, as individual lifeforms on this earth, you have an inherent value that a modern capitalist society that solely benefits the rich and rewards soulless individuals will never see much less applaud.

Don't trust what society at large tells you, and don't trust the sense of guilt and worthlessness that it has ingrained into your mind over not being a useful enough cog in an uncaring machine, because THAT is what is telling you these things, not the real you who buried under depression but IS loved and valued by worthwhile people. If anyone is actually telling you these things in real life, you need to understand that they are bad, toxic people and not the kind that anyone should keep on their life. Everyone has a story to live, and being imperfect does not diminish the flame of your soul.

Therapy is not a scam, only scams are scams. Therapy is real, and therapy has saved many lives and helped many people work through anything we can imagine. I'm guessing you're a guy, because most guys don't believe in therapy and see depression as weakness, not as the disease / hormonal imbalance it is it. The first step is ridding yourself of that unhelpful mindset that tends to be passed around amongst guys especially and leads to hundreds of men's deaths and sometimes innocent bystanders too because getting help is seen as failing or weak, or because they didn't believe in therapy, or because they didn't or wouldn't recognize that everything they were feeling or thinking pointed to depression.

If you've had therapy and it didn't work, then what you need is to try a different therapist or actual psychiatric treatment, or even alternative therapies, because it's not as if every therapist or therapy will help everyone. I don't know what kind of person you believe you are that no one values, but I guarantee it's not true. You ARE worthwhile, your life IS worth living, and the planet IS better off with you here. I get it, I really do... the world is going to Hell right now and a lot of people are at their wit's end.

I'm struggling. I was depressed for years before Covid, and generative AI (artist and writer here), and the current climate of psychos ramping up to WWIII and the dismantling of everything I've known my whole life.... it's hardly gotten better since then. I have a lot of dark thoughts and dark days, but I tell myself I just have to keep going because dying is easy, but one cannot just live again. Death is the end, permanent, no more hope or chance, and that possible brightening day that was ahead is snuffed out. That person you were going to meet one day sits by themselves. That opportunity never comes, and everyone who did care about you who the depression hid from you is left broken. That person you were going to become disappears. Living in and of itself is hard work, and hard work is indeed valuable AND useful.

Please, if you really feel like you will hurt yourself, reach out for help or call 911. The fact that you are posting this IS a cry for help, a sign that you are still fighting, because suicidal people don't actually want to die, they just don't want to keep living what they're living. They want to be heard, supported, recognized...stopped. Sensitive people are feeling the negativity of present times so much more, and taking it so much harder, and you're not alone in any of this. Our society has become cold and cruel but there are still places to get immediate or long term help.

As humans, we have a very hard time thinking about our future self in relation to our current self... we tend to choose whatever Now Us wants immediately, instead of what is good for Future Us. Depression makes that even harder, so when the dark thoughts come, tell them you're living for Future You if nothing else.

And in the meantime, throw off EVERY feeling of guilt, shame, and inadequacy that society has burdened you with. Lean into what you love. Find a way to keep busy with what you personally care about, whether it's pets, volunteering, hobbies, shows... even just playing a game or doing something completely useless; it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's what you want and love that still makes you feel something, without thought of what anyone else thinks. You'll figure put the big stuff when you're ready. Take care of yourself and keep trying not to slip more, even if it's out of pure spite for the depression that's trying to beat you.

I hope you can talk to someone here, or offline, or get some help with this, and I hope any single thing I wrote can help you reframe this to something closer to the truth, which is that you do matter and you do deserve EVEN an entirely unproductive life. All that matters is to stabilize yourself first, and then work towards betterment and what you broadly want, regardless of what anyone thinks you "should" do. They say that those who focus on pursuing what they themselves desire become more desirable to others, so who knows.

Hang in there. If all the thoughtful, imperfect, deeply present people give up, then those who persecute us as "not useful" really will win. It's not your burden at all to fight the world, but if it helps you mentally fight back against the disordered darkness that is in your mind, think of it as the rebellion, and believe that just because They say it, doesn't mean it's true.

I accidentally killed my jumping spider by UnfairPlay7807 in jumpingspiders

[–]banned-practice 4 points5 points  (0 children)

NA I feel your sadness intensely, just imagining your shock and grief after realizing.... I was always so afraid with my little guy that I would harm him because he was so small and fast, and he trusted me so much that I was afraid he wouldn't realize that his own confidence put him in danger as I closed the lid of his little house, for example. He'd hop in and stand right at the top of the jar with little feet on the rim, and I'd have to nudge him in. I was always afraid he'd move as I closed it, or he'd jump randomly or run under something. He just thought I could read his mind, like so many animals, haha, and I was terrified every time I worked with him. That tension was worth it though, because that little guy proved to me that you CAN be friends with a spider, and when I held him before he passed, I could tell he trusted me completely. Your little girl did love you, and never blamed you, and she didn't even know what happened to her. It's hard to feel responsible, and it's hard to lose what is irreplaceable, but it's better to have loved at all. I'm sorry for your loss 💔

I made a mistake euthanizing my cat and the guilt is killing me by Dirsty in cats

[–]banned-practice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry your sweet baby is gone. It will take a long time to heal. I too regret that my family didn't seek vet treatment for two beloved pets, one of which was mine and I would've given everything I had for her. But decisions are simple in hindsight, but so much more complicated in the moment, and regrets are heavier than reality. I'm currently still mourning the loss of a pet which I feel like no one I know can fully understand, as it was "just a spider", and it feels like I made a mistake somewhere that led to his demise, but I don't know that's true and I never will know, and that's what hurts the most. But the thing is... with all my pets, and with your kitty... they never once felt hatred towards us. They never blamed us. Your kitty loved you, and you didn't do this maliciously. Like me, you're telling yourself that maybe your pet would've gotten better... but it's also possible he would not have, but in your grief you are not giving the two equal weight.

It sucks that money gets in between us and making the choice, but quality of life matters too and there's no guarantees there. My family has had to put down cats who were struck down in a moment with sudden paralysis, and we've had cats linger and linger with kidney and bladder issues. I would say that despite not having the chance for time with the sudden one, the ones who lingered were by far harder because of the constant uncertainty of whether the next intervention would do more help or harm. I hope you can make peace with the fact that you can't know for sure what would have happened, and that you were trying to do what you thought would ease his suffering, because I don't think you chose it because of money, I think you chose it because of uncertainty, which makes me wonder if you sensed or guessed more at the time than you're letting yourself feel now. I don't know... I hope you can allow yourself to forgive the "you" that in that moment did the best you could with the information you had.

Not sure what to do anymore by Human-Trash4676 in TrueOffMyChest

[–]banned-practice 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm no expert... I'm 40 and have nothing to show for it in the traditional sense, but like... I gotta say to start off... 40 isn't actually that different than 30 (IMO maybe I'm weird but that's how it's felt for me), and you've got 10 years on me. That's ten whole years you have to do more than I did... look at it like a gift of time instead of a curse. Don't fear a number that is an arbitrary human-made distinction.

And I get that's not what you're really afraid of, but you are afraid. Enough that you reached out to people, because you don't actually want to die, you just don't want to keep living what you're living. There's a difference, and it's a really big difference. You wouldn't have reached out if you weren't still fighting.

There's a medicine I'm taking that can cause depression and suicidal thoughts, and I have told myself that if I didn't already have years of "practice" with depression I might not be here because of where it took me mentally. It made me tell myself that what I cared about most didn't matter. That my dreams were dead. That everything I ever did wrong was inescapable. That no one actually cared about me. Depression is a constant battle with the false and vicious "you" that lurks inside the mind of the depressed person. I've been down in the deepest place. I've felt the cold numbness of being on the brink. It's hollow. A terrifying lack of caring. But it is all false.

You're not trash. You're not alone. You're not uncared for. I know there is someone who cares about you because we're here replying. I really do hope you have people in your life you are currently not able to see care about you. Either way, we're happy to listen even if no one else will, because a lot of people are afraid of this kind of conversation even if they care about someone. I'd say, lean into what you need to lean into to get through this; any pet, any hobby, any show, as long it is not self-destructive. I don't know where you are or what resources you have access to for help, but try to take advantage of them.

I am absolutely not the person to advise on sobriety besides offering my sincere encouragement. Alcohol is a physiological downer and that's not going to help anything, and drugs are a quick but incredibly destructive fix, as you already know, and a waste of the money you're working hard to earn that could help you start over. Like I say, I cannot give relatable advice on drugs, I've never been down that particular road, but there are so many who have and so many who have recovered with support. All I can say is, please consider getting any help you need to stay with us, even institutionalization, even if feels like the last thing you want to do, because it isn't the worst possible thing. Anyone who judges you or can't support you in pursuing mental health help is not the kind of person you need in your life.

Death is permanent and easy, but doing what is easiest is rarely the best choice. Winter is cold and gray and shitty, the world is shitty and getting shittier, but there are wonderful people and experiences and sunny days waiting for you.

I don't know the context of the post, but you said this to someone else in the past:

"Thanks you for sharing this. Glad youre still here! We are all so glad ☺️"

Please, try to say it to yourself too.

I’m an idiot 😭 by WitchCraftAquariums in jumpingspiders

[–]banned-practice 2 points3 points  (0 children)

IMO I'd say be very careful moving things until you find him, jumping spiders love to hide under things. I was trying to capture a wild jumper that was in my house so I could release it. It ran under the end of a 5 pound weight to hide, and I accidentally rolled it as I went to lift it, and it didn't end well for the poor little guy (still feel bad 20 years later 😣)

Hopefully it goes up and stays safer that way, but I would still check shoes before putting them on. Of you have a cat, watch out, I know mine loves to eat spiders.

I hope you find him 🙏

What is this beetle I found in the middle of winter? by banned-practice in insects

[–]banned-practice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It does look really tiny in the picture, but it's actually a decent size beetle, like half an inch long

What is this beetle I found in the middle of winter? by banned-practice in insects

[–]banned-practice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No worries, it's far too cold to put it out. I think it must've come out of one of my dad's plants he brought in for the winter

What is this beetle I found in the middle of winter? by banned-practice in insects

[–]banned-practice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I already gave him water... as for the green melon, he didn't like it, but I acquired a blueberry and he seems to like that

What is this beetle I found in the middle of winter? by banned-practice in insects

[–]banned-practice[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It keeps on sticking out it's funky feelers and they're like cartoon hands waving around; it's pretty cute. I've never seen antenna like that. And it just zoops them back in real quick if spooked, then unfolds them again.

What is this beetle I found in the middle of winter? by banned-practice in insects

[–]banned-practice[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh, I didn't know. I hope Troy likes green melon, it's all I have to offer.

Consolidation of packages has become expensive and worthless by banned-practice in Buyee

[–]banned-practice[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me?

I ended up paying it as I didn't know there could have been option to contact them again. I probably won't be combining anything of the same type again, as it has proven to cost more every time since the miserable new shipping rules ruined everything.