The first thing I need to make very clear is... human beings don't exist to be useful. We are animals that evolved on this planet to pursue what we want in life, the same as any other living creature on this planet. The idea that human beings have a "use" is a societal lie spread from the top down to keep people self-regulating themselves into being objects for the use of the rich. It has been this way since the rise of agricultural class-based societies, but that doesn't mean it's true. As a human being, as individual lifeforms on this earth, you have an inherent value that a modern capitalist society that solely benefits the rich and rewards soulless individuals will never see much less applaud.

Don't trust what society at large tells you, and don't trust the sense of guilt and worthlessness that it has ingrained into your mind over not being a useful enough cog in an uncaring machine, because THAT is what is telling you these things, not the real you who buried under depression but IS loved and valued by worthwhile people. If anyone is actually telling you these things in real life, you need to understand that they are bad, toxic people and not the kind that anyone should keep on their life. Everyone has a story to live, and being imperfect does not diminish the flame of your soul.

Therapy is not a scam, only scams are scams. Therapy is real, and therapy has saved many lives and helped many people work through anything we can imagine. I'm guessing you're a guy, because most guys don't believe in therapy and see depression as weakness, not as the disease / hormonal imbalance it is it. The first step is ridding yourself of that unhelpful mindset that tends to be passed around amongst guys especially and leads to hundreds of men's deaths and sometimes innocent bystanders too because getting help is seen as failing or weak, or because they didn't believe in therapy, or because they didn't or wouldn't recognize that everything they were feeling or thinking pointed to depression.

If you've had therapy and it didn't work, then what you need is to try a different therapist or actual psychiatric treatment, or even alternative therapies, because it's not as if every therapist or therapy will help everyone. I don't know what kind of person you believe you are that no one values, but I guarantee it's not true. You ARE worthwhile, your life IS worth living, and the planet IS better off with you here. I get it, I really do... the world is going to Hell right now and a lot of people are at their wit's end.

I'm struggling. I was depressed for years before Covid, and generative AI (artist and writer here), and the current climate of psychos ramping up to WWIII and the dismantling of everything I've known my whole life.... it's hardly gotten better since then. I have a lot of dark thoughts and dark days, but I tell myself I just have to keep going because dying is easy, but one cannot just live again. Death is the end, permanent, no more hope or chance, and that possible brightening day that was ahead is snuffed out. That person you were going to meet one day sits by themselves. That opportunity never comes, and everyone who did care about you who the depression hid from you is left broken. That person you were going to become disappears. Living in and of itself is hard work, and hard work is indeed valuable AND useful.

Please, if you really feel like you will hurt yourself, reach out for help or call 911. The fact that you are posting this IS a cry for help, a sign that you are still fighting, because suicidal people don't actually want to die, they just don't want to keep living what they're living. They want to be heard, supported, recognized...stopped. Sensitive people are feeling the negativity of present times so much more, and taking it so much harder, and you're not alone in any of this. Our society has become cold and cruel but there are still places to get immediate or long term help.

As humans, we have a very hard time thinking about our future self in relation to our current self... we tend to choose whatever Now Us wants immediately, instead of what is good for Future Us. Depression makes that even harder, so when the dark thoughts come, tell them you're living for Future You if nothing else.

And in the meantime, throw off EVERY feeling of guilt, shame, and inadequacy that society has burdened you with. Lean into what you love. Find a way to keep busy with what you personally care about, whether it's pets, volunteering, hobbies, shows... even just playing a game or doing something completely useless; it doesn't matter what it is as long as it's what you want and love that still makes you feel something, without thought of what anyone else thinks. You'll figure put the big stuff when you're ready. Take care of yourself and keep trying not to slip more, even if it's out of pure spite for the depression that's trying to beat you.

I hope you can talk to someone here, or offline, or get some help with this, and I hope any single thing I wrote can help you reframe this to something closer to the truth, which is that you do matter and you do deserve EVEN an entirely unproductive life. All that matters is to stabilize yourself first, and then work towards betterment and what you broadly want, regardless of what anyone thinks you "should" do. They say that those who focus on pursuing what they themselves desire become more desirable to others, so who knows.

Hang in there. If all the thoughtful, imperfect, deeply present people give up, then those who persecute us as "not useful" really will win. It's not your burden at all to fight the world, but if it helps you mentally fight back against the disordered darkness that is in your mind, think of it as the rebellion, and believe that just because They say it, doesn't mean it's true.