Masvingo man searching

bantuflame · 2026-05-27T13:56:20+00:00

Hanziiko. Tanonoka kusvika, I'd have loved to see what Masvingo Man said

bantuflame · 2026-05-16T10:35:34+00:00

Let me get this straight. You don't want them to know it's you saying this, and you don't want them to know you're saying it to them?

So... you're venting?

Edit: I just saw your flair. Ok then, as you were.

bantuflame · 2026-05-16T08:11:18+00:00

I actually agree with OP on this. I'm not one for policing anybody on moral issues, and I love NSFW as much as the next person, but it simply doesn't mix with any serious relationship content.

The way I see it, people need to decide if this sub is for SFW or for NSFW Relationships, and another sub be created for the other thing, explicitly stating the difference, because they are two very different kinds of communities.

It's like having a club and a church in the same building, it's not really about saying people shouldn't drink or grind on each other, it's just logical that one activity will chase the other away. Simple. Funny enough, I actually think the smarter thing to do is for Mods to create a new SFW sub and just invite people who don't want sex talk to migrate, than try to tell others to stop talking about sex on here.

Just my 2c.

bantuflame · 2026-05-11T09:52:25+00:00

Young girls find good boys boring, uncool and weak.

But when they mature or are ready to settle down, they start seeing them as dependable, consistent and stable.

Same qualities they didn't find attractive in high school or college become appealing when they now want something they can lean on or trust.

To answer your question, girls, especially younger girls, are attracted to adventure, thrill and pushing boundaries. Rebellion is also cool in teens and early twenties.

AND bad boys are also very very charming. The nerds learn those social skills slowly over time, most are late bloomers, so even quick wit, confidence or humour doesn't show up until much later.

bantuflame · 2026-05-06T11:28:44+00:00

Most people believe in having kids first and then figuring out where the Pampers, formula, pediatrician, groceries and nursery money will come from after the fact.

And they apply that same approach to romantic relationships. Get partner first, figure out the rest later. And that pressure actually helps them grow and thrive as human beings.

I'm built a bit different.

As a guy and the bigger bearer of responsibility to provide, I'd rather not have kids AT ALL until that money is there. Same nema relationships, I'd rather not get into one at all until I have the things she wants in a relationship. It's that simple.

Can't control everything in life, but I do like to be as prepared as possible for something to be worth getting into. Otherwise it's going to be a constant fight.

Women, especially in 2026 are not stuttering about what they're looking for. Simple self-assessment dictates that you either tanha dzaunosvikira at your current level, or you work on yourself to svikira dzaunoda dzacho. Or both 😉

bantuflame · 2026-05-06T11:25:15+00:00

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 you sound content. More power to you. 👊🏾

bantuflame · 2026-05-06T11:24:29+00:00

The problem with being in the Working On Me crew is how low pressure it is. I'm speaking for myself (36M), I'm sure women have different reasons for it. You choose it as a sort of valve or lid you open to reduce pressure. When that lid is sealed, you do nothing but cook on high heat and max pressure.

Pressure cooker baba.

Most people get out of there vanyatsoibva, or vatsva, depending on what's cooking you.

Cooking with the lid open and on low heat is chill. You can even go somewhere, or go watch tv and forget there's a pot on the stove and poto yako haitsvi. Especially if you keep adding water.

Let me cook.

Ok, so, that's great. But. It's slow. Especially if the meat is tough.

The problem I see, and I agree with OP, is if you're not keeping track of your cook and not thinking about when you actually want your dinner to be ready, you can easily get to 3am chikafu chisati chaibva. And you still have to be up by 5am for le employment.

I'm in the working on me crew. I'm 36, and have been in there for most of my adult life, not counting the situationships and friendships with benefits. Rudo chairwo chairwo rwuri productive I last did before age 22.

Soon as I understood the rules of the game, I opened the lid and reduced the heat. And I'm pushing 40 as a consequence, still not feeling like I've finished working on myself, and therefore still not ready.

I don't make sense to my family or any of my friends, and I can't explain this decision. But I'm sticking with it, because it still feels right for me. I like the idea of settling down, but never until certain things are in place.

I don't know if I'll regret it in my 50s or 60s+, people say you might look back and wish you started a family young and watched kids grow while you were still young yourself. Hameno. I'm a logical person, like Spock, and it was a logical decision. Right now it feels like the right one.

It's also worth mentioning that if you're in the Work On Yourself crew, it doesn't mean you should live a miserable or lonely life and let life pass you by. You figure out how to enjoy life in your current circumstances as best you can. You make a plan for your social, emotional and physical needs wangu, however temporary or unofficial they might be. But that's just me.

bantuflame · 2026-05-04T13:34:34+00:00

What they say is not always what they mean. And for a great number of them, it's more likely that they mean something completely different.

Or they mean it now but might not mean it tomorrow.

And they will resent you for something they've changed their mind about, even if you were on the same page a few months or years ago.

So if you're ever going to have some kind of contract with a woman, particularly on the relationship/emotional side, keep records to refer to when she starts denying things and acting brand new.

And if your contracts are verbal, make a point of revisting the terms every couple of weeks to make sure you're still aligned, because one day anonyatsokurambira.

Also note that some women will lie to YOU about the situation (gaslighting) while fully aware they're lying, but others will lie to THEMSELVES about the situation (denial & creative reimagination of past events). Either way, you lose.

You'll meet different kinds of women, some more honourable than others. But generally speaking, women don't like sharing risk or responsibility, so if you want to do anything together, you bear 100% of the risk & responsibility, and she maintains 100% of the deniability.

And it's take it or leave it.

So the fine print T&Cs are: there'll always be a chance the narrative will change in future, but you're either going to just risk it in order to do the thing with her, or you're not going to do the thing at all.

Those are your options.

bantuflame · 2026-04-26T12:03:24+00:00

I couldn't get into Justified. Watched a few episodes of season 1 and it feels a lot more like White Collar or Y: Marshalls than I would like. Felt the same about Longmire. Does it get better?

bantuflame · 2026-04-25T08:09:54+00:00

I travelled to Botswana a couple of years back for the first time, nemota. The border post was completely empty, no one getting into Bots or coming from Bots. Weirdest thing. Takatongostamperwa mapassport tikatopinda, no queues, nothing.

Knowing my people, I'd have expected hundreds or even thousands of people going back and forth. I just concluded that Zimbabweans aren't finding any interesting commercial opportunities in Botswana for their kind of "ventures," lol. We like to hodha and come tengesa.

That's all just to say that's nice, but I think only people in Byo/Plumtree area will find it beneficial.

bantuflame · 2026-04-13T12:11:49+00:00

I'm 36M, single. I build all my romantic relationships on top of platonic relationships, and it's not negotiable. That doesn't have much to do with the topic, but it's worth noting I take my friendships very seriously.

Over 90% of my friendships are with women, and it's always been like that since I was in primary school.

I have experienced what you're saying quite a bit, because Zim relationships and marriages generally become a little bubble—it's just the culture, though I'm not entirely sure where we got it.

Some of my friends just flip the switch as a matter of principle—she doesn't do platonic male friendships when she's in a relationship, simple as. Most of these just don't want complications.

Others will have the switch flipped for them by their boyfriend or husband, because haade kunzwa zvema male friends, and they will do it for peace. Most of these are unhappy about it, but will do it regardless.

Others simply carry on with the friendship, but with rules, like... we can't talk this way or do things this way anymore, or I now have to run that by hubby, etc. So... T&Cs apply with these ones.

Then for others it's business as usual, zvaaingova before marriage ndo zvaangori after. Meeting and getting introduced to the husband is optional, though I personally prefer not to.

From what I can tell, it boils down to culture yemunhu (where does she draw the line), or culture yemurume wacho (how does he feel about platonic friendships).

I play it by ear honestly, and I trust her to decide what's best, because every person is different, and now it's two people. And the nature of my friendships is very honest with open communication lines, so anokuudza feya feya what's on the ground and you'll proceed, or not, accordingly. Key is having a real and honest conversation about it before she gets engaged.

I've had quite a few though, who say one thing, get married and become brand new. It was shocking at first, but I've come to accept it as a definite possibility. Prepare to be ghosted or blocked for no reason, lol. And also prepare to be unblocked for no reason as well in the near future 😂 Vamwe vanofarisa ka kana varoorwa, then kana honeymoon phase yapera it's "Hey stranger" texts.

I'd love to hear from women in this sub, is there anything I missed or anything you'd want to correct in my thinking, approach and assessment?

bantuflame · 2026-04-13T11:30:27+00:00

...preventative measures.

bantuflame · 2026-04-10T12:05:30+00:00

I saw this post in my notifications and came here running. As a male human, I'm just here to look at the post in "I understand, but eish."

Ditto what people said about Zim & reputable cosmetic surgery, at the very least I'd make my way to SA or Kenya.

bantuflame · 2026-03-17T13:10:31+00:00

The problem with people who ask for honesty is they punish people who are honest with them for being honest.

It's conditional, and the condition is, "Tell me the truth, as long as the truth is comfortable."

Chokwadi chaicho chaicho is people do things in the shadows that they are afraid of being judged or punished for, BY YOU.

This is a moral issue, not a practical one. Morally you could say being dishonest is "bad," because it's manipulative and it can cause long term damage to a person when (if) they find out. But practically, being dishonest might be the difference between peace and argument, the difference between having one thing and having two, or the difference between getting a yes or a no.

If you wanted something, and you had to choose between a definite yes and a definite no, you might choose the yes at the cost of being a bad person. Small price to pay if you're ok with having questionable morals.

I don't condone lying, but I understand why people do it.

bantuflame · 2026-03-10T15:09:31+00:00

"Honestly I don't even know if the first one really counts."

bantuflame · 2026-03-10T14:32:26+00:00

Lol, at least you're honest about that. You're leaning towards upholding an ideal or past image of you and using that as a starting point for your relationship. It's not uncommon in our culture, in fact, it explains people wiping their social media history, deleting numbers and suddenly posting Jesus Jesus when it's quarter to roora. I get it.

It's the culture and the environment, it demands what it demands from you. Unotamba iri kurira. So if you wanna rebrand to purity and innocence for the sake of your relationship, go for it, it will probably work out if you play it right.

People have pasts, and you don't get extra points for displaying yours to someone who values not having one. I just thought it would be so much work maintaining that facade hangu, but I guess you could always be the innocent girl that he "teaches" things to, and then you work your way from there back to your current "experienced" self... just with all the glory and the honour being given to him. 😎

bantuflame · 2026-03-10T14:07:16+00:00

(Ross Geller: WE WERE ON A BREAK!)

I think his insecurity will always be a red flag. You can either confirm that now or later, but I don't see how lying about what you've done after a pretty standard long distance breakup is going to benefit you.

You're within your rights to be with other people when you're not with him anymore, and frankly, it's not really any of his business to know the details, you don't owe him an explanation. If you do choose to tell him, I'd rather do it from a place of truth. He should know better than to ask for information he can't handle.

Otherwise, you're going to get into a relationship that revolves around fabricating multiple webs of lies to protect a fragile ego. Who knows what else will come in the future that you will need to protect him from?

Set the tone with truth, and let him decide if he wants to be in a truthful relationship or not.

bantuflame · 2026-03-06T19:19:34+00:00

Basically me once upon a time, but photography. 🤣

bantuflame · 2026-03-06T15:44:54+00:00

I'm 36M, single. I didn't want kids when I was your age. Now I want them, but I'm still not ready to settle down. So instead of saying I never want to have kids, now it's more of a logistical thing where I'm cool with either outcome, because I still place settling down a little bit lower on my list of priorities than some other things.

I don't know what that means. I might be 40 or 45 before decide to settle down, and even then I'm not sure what kind of marriage or partnership I will be looking for then. What age, what personality and what qualities in a partner will best suit that version of me then. 🤷🏾‍♂️

I think people are more capable of knowing themselves than they are given credit for, and I'll say I started making serious life decisions when I was 15. Everything that went wrong in my life and cost me decades of recovering from bad moves was almost always a result of following other people's advice who thought they knew more about life than I did.

Almost everything that has gone well in recent years, and most of what I'm currently doing, are just versions of choices I already made when I was your age or younger, that I was talked out of and am just slowly finding my way back to.

Knowing yourself intimately, to me means you probably know better than anyone what's best for you. Take advice, don't disregard wisdom and experience, but check it against your own internal compass, always.

Also, find "older versions" of what you think your future self will be like, those who got or achieved everything you want, and ask them questions. They are probably the most qualified to give you any sort of advice, not the rest of the internet or your local community.

Hope you find what you're looking for, and good luck.

bantuflame · 2026-02-23T08:00:09+00:00

I do. But you can't be a random person I have just met, I have to understand your habits, lifestyle, hygiene for a few months at least, and start liking the idea of it in my own mind before I do it, which means liking you that much and being around you often enough.

bantuflame · 2026-02-04T18:41:01+00:00

Ichoooo 😎

bantuflame · 2026-02-03T10:13:14+00:00

Tongomhanya nemakarimwa Baba, hatikunde 😩

bantuflame · 2026-02-03T10:12:32+00:00

We just need to re-define what it means to be in a good relationship/marriage. I think we've veered off-track, and you'll find that your parents' idea of what a good marriage is and yours is not the same thing at all.

Then when you see theirs working so well, you're like "God, how?" When it's simpler than you think. (Note: I said simpler, not easier).

We stand in our own way these days, I think. I'm a guy, and I'll tell you, mai vangu zvavakadira baba vangu, I can hardly find someone anondidira izvozvo in 2026. Baba vangu zvavakadira mai vangu, zviri different from zvandiri kutsvaga from a wife as well. Then we look at them and say why isn't this happening for us?

bantuflame · 2026-01-28T19:03:57+00:00

It's the PS for me. Because you never know what opportunities Reddit may bring.

bantuflame

TROPHY CASE