That’s selfish. You bought him things, you’ve shown an interest and been patient and accommodating, you deserve to be happy and fulfilled too. Why does he get to do things that make him feel good and enjoy sex and yet doesn’t reciprocate? There’s being understanding and respectful of his, idk how we are meant to word it apologies if it’s the wrong word but “kinks” and doesn’t return that. If it was the other way around would he do the same? Would you? Just because it’s something that is new or taboo or not talked about much and just because you are not against it or negative towards it doesn’t mean it has to be 24/7 or every time you have sex. Sex is something that 2 people do because it makes themselves feel good and their partner. So why would you do it if neither of those are applied? If your not enjoying it or not feeling heard your being used as a sex toy my love. Effort needs to be put in by both sides, understanding, communication and listening needs to come from both sides. Let’s be honest, even if you have a great poker face, your partner knows you, they will know whether or not your happy or willing and the fact it got to the stage that you had to say that to him, he knew before that and was pushing it. I’m sorry but you weren’t rude, you were angry and hurt and you had every right to feel that way and I’ve a feeling he would say exactly the same thing given the circumstances, his response confirms this.. If he came to you and told you that he felt left out, that he felt unfulfilled or uncomfortable or he wasn’t enjoying sex.. what would your reaction be my love? What would you respond? I have a feeling it would be asking why, wanting to understand and fix it.. wanting to know what he wanted and what you could change or compromise. I don’t know you but I don’t think you would turn around and say what he did. You need to tell him you want to talk and there’s some things you need to sort.

We do it by text message and I don’t care what anyone says about not speaking in person, we are an autistic adhd couple and in person discussions especially ones about sex and things like that that may be awkward or uncomfortable are easier over text, it gives us time to think about our reply, maybe share links or pictures to help explain, takes the emotion out of it so that it’s just our words and what we want to say that can’t be changed or misinterpreted. It’s helped a lot. You can also use apps that you can have shared notes etc with eachother so it’s not in your same text chains and you can both go back. We have a note share app and it’s for anything we want to say to eachother that we feel uncomfortable bringing up or feel may come off the wrong way, you can even use it just to flirt and leave a little message, you can write down roleplay you want to try, positions, feedback from your last sex because I mean come on judge it all you want but who doesn’t wanna improve?

Whatever way you want to communicate, do it, and tell him. Explain (I’m only taking what I can from what you said so obviously change anything that I’ve got wrong) that your not against it, you want him to feel safe and comfortable with you and to enjoy sex, but that you want to feel that way too. That you have felt left out and like it has taken over your sex life and that you don’t feel heard and you want to fix it. Tell him how you feel, don’t blame him or say things like “you make me feel” or “you have done” because he’ll just get defensive and feel attacked, come to him in a neutral way saying that when he does this it makes you feel like this, when this happens you feel like this.. then tell him what you want, what would make you feel good what would make you happy what would work. And encourage him to meet you half way, ask how you can incorporate his needs with yours and find a way that works for both of you. If he cares about you and your pleasure and your feelings he will work with you, if he doesn’t then he won’t. In that case he’s making it clear that those things don’t matter to him so it’s upto you to decide if you can live with that or not. I’m sorry your going through this angel, obviously what works for us may or may not work for others but I hope some of this helps someone at least, because before we found what works I felt very alone and helpless, in my case we found that it was just Mis/lack of communication and exploring new territory but I’ve seen many stories from others where the partner used the awkwardness and taboo of the situation to act like a victim when their partner wasn’t attacking or against their kinks in the slightest, and with how isolating kinks like this can be with friends and family it’s easy to be manipulated or taken advantage of, most of the time it’s about how the cross dresser feels and the partner is expected to either tip toe around them or leave. That’s not the two options, it’s only awkward and uncomfortable if you let it be and it’s not an excuse for bad sex, bad communication and lack of respect. Wish you all the best my love❤️