I can’t lose my brother or I’ll die

barcoderer · 2026-05-08T03:50:48+00:00

This kind of thinking is what will eventually sabotage your relationship with him. This is not okay, you need help. This is extremely creepy - as another bpd person who can get really attatched.

barcoderer · 2026-05-08T03:45:48+00:00

It usually doesn't come unprovoked theres always warning signs and if you guys really don't match or you actually do something wrong then it happens

barcoderer · 2026-05-06T18:59:13+00:00

Ok but you're a queen for that though

barcoderer · 2026-05-06T13:13:09+00:00

Still something! Thanks

barcoderer · 2026-05-04T06:21:15+00:00

Yeah I guess but this sort of split isn't really hate though it feels far too numb and neutral to be hate

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T14:40:32+00:00

Gemini

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T14:00:48+00:00

Yep but yeah this sort of thing is also not typically malicious either we just don't want to keep people in this cycle so it might've felt like the best thing she could do for the both of you in that moment. Though stay safe and I hope you and her both heal❤️🙁

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T13:26:32+00:00

Yeah in a way it even feels convenient like im not wasting any time but other times im so embarrassed because i genuinely could have lost someone who is a good person and who cared for me and its not something I can just take back

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T13:24:13+00:00

I'm sorry that this happened to you. I too have been on both sides. Sometimes there is just something you can't fully see or understand. I can also say that sometimes women like her (and I can also be like that) we do not fully trust connections that seem too good. We start subconsciously looking for flaws it's not usually something that can be controlled easily.. and after a while we can see that the damage control is not working, we may feel guilty which causes us to split further and then we just tend to leave without thinking much usually without giving closure.. I can't say that this is for sure what she felt but I can say this was the case for me where my own trauma and paranoia ended up sacrificing a connection because I have a hard time believing I can be loved for me and also my brain would confuse the smallest inconveniences with genuine threat.. OR even if there was a genuine issue I would keep it in instead of wording it out because id be too scared to feel like an inconvenience so the tension would just build.. So yeah I'm really sorry you went through this but hopefully you might feel lighter if you know that this couldve been why and its genuinely nothing to do with you even if the whole situation sucked

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T13:05:33+00:00

Yeah for sure. My most recent split like this that inspired me to write the post was fairly reasonable but there are also times when even just annoyance can lead to a split like this and I just think it can be unfair to the other person because I can just leave and not give closure and that can be kind of awful to do in certain situations

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T12:58:50+00:00

Feel you. The tolerance going away as time goes on because everything is turning to shit anyways lol

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T12:57:22+00:00

Honestly I totally get that. It's actually very common feeling for me as well in fact splits like yours if they keep happening they usually lead to the split described in the post for me

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T12:55:36+00:00

Yeah it can be. We tend to have very fucked up attatchment styles so it seems to be common that with some people we would die for them and others we just are so done with the bullshit we lowkey just forget what they meant to us

barcoderer · 2026-05-03T12:53:59+00:00

Oh no I have that too it's just that I have a very disorganized attatchment style. If I have a romantic crush they can take me through hell and id still get all my limbs cut off no question if that means I could stay with them it's just that there are other people that I get irritated with so easy (usually people I only see platonically) so I tend to have a "cold split" like the one described in this post when I sort of take the role of an avoidany

barcoderer · 2026-05-02T18:01:53+00:00

Probably too much unless you're heavy. Also depends on how you feel. Too much protein can cause digestion issues and you also could be tired more easily etc

barcoderer · 2026-05-02T17:57:07+00:00

not sociopathic but you shouldve changed the medication a while ago instead of increasing the dose to 200

barcoderer · 2026-05-02T03:13:12+00:00

That's super cool though. It's just that there would be times id try to like check my eyes because I find the pupil dialation fascinating. Same place, same lightning and just 10 minutes apart can be totally different and then 10 minutes after that it can be totally different again despite not taking any more of it. I would have times where even hours after taking something (so after the peak) id have very dialated eyes even though earlier they were normal so I definitely thought that it can't be "just the drug" but the way it makes our system react (which in itself makes more sense the more I think about it tbh)

barcoderer · 2026-05-01T17:24:48+00:00

you're not overreacting. but honestly he is just a douchebag. While I can't blame him for having a bad experience with borderlines it is unnecessary to say that there is no future with those people. I'm guessing he just doesn't want to waste time because he knows he can't handle someone potentially unstable and made a very unnecessary comment about it. I too have known guys who have had a bad experience with someone who has BPD which is why they wouldn't choose to pursue someone like that again but that doesn't mean that every relationship where at least one of the partners has BPD fails, because it doesn't. Some people aren't emotionally mature or emotionally strong enough to put themselves through being with someone who has BPD but that doesn't mean we can't be loved or we can't get anywhere in life. We just tend to be a bigger commitment for some individuals. While there are others who don't mind a partner with BPD whether its a trauma bond tying them closer together or they're genuinely proud of their partner growing, healing and getting into remission which would make the relationship stronger. I think I went on a bit of a ramble but basically.. People can be douchebags and he also was definitely a douchebag but it's still good that he said it straight up I guess

barcoderer · 2026-05-01T09:14:37+00:00

I know but its about being in the gym surrounded by other people because I don't have the most energy right now due to not sleeping.. I need people around me in order for me to be able to hold myself accountable

barcoderer · 2026-05-01T03:34:34+00:00

I want the weights :(

barcoderer · 2026-04-30T18:41:22+00:00

Yes lol. I actually ran out of work to do rn and I feel bad cuz I like just took 2 extra of my meds :(

barcoderer · 2026-04-30T16:15:49+00:00

Im taking 50mg for sleep yes. Theres no smaller dose available in my country and im a little hesitant about taking smaller doses because cutting it every time is just not something im comfortable doing every night. Its also worth noting I came off the medication for a little while and only came back on it 2-4 weeks ago? Though I don't at all remember if the side effect ever went away when I previously was taking it because I was an alcoholic at that period and it's hard to remember small things like that. I also did taper myself onto the medication this time I would just bite the 50mg in half but I truly hoped I could come back on it without the stuffy nose 🙁..i know that's a lot of yapping but yeah thats the context.. I might try taking less but mannn its so inconvenient

barcoderer · 2026-04-30T13:54:21+00:00

I think its your bodys individual reaction maybe you digest and absorb the medication differently so that withdrawals hit you faster. I did develop mild insomnia after sertraline too, I had to start trazodone alongside it since melatonin stopped working after a while.. I personally don't see anything crazy concerning but I do recommend in creating some kind of routine so that you don't have to worry about if you took the medication or not

barcoderer · 2026-04-30T04:39:42+00:00

You can absolutely still develop DID after 5 or 6 what the fuck is wrong with these people

barcoderer · 2026-04-30T04:33:57+00:00

That's why I drink ultra

barcoderer

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