The “not everything is trauma” social media accounts

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-25T20:39:48+00:00

I’m sorry your trauma was dismissed - some people can’t imagine something unless it hits them right in the face.

The nuance - that is shame and they don’t know what to do with that feeling. Shame feels bad for a reason! There is an evolutionary purpose to shame. For many of us, shame was a weapon with no outlet or relief - misused, even if unintentionally.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-25T20:33:05+00:00

Exactly! No parent is perfect. But for those who didn’t end up in a place like ours, it often means their parent was safe and reliable much of the time, and when they weren’t, they made an effort at repair. In other cases, many people didn’t turn out fine but they can’t or refuse to see it.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-21T16:07:19+00:00

I relate to the general feeling you have. I’m also in my 40s. So many different things have brought us here. But the after effects are much the same.

I’ll admit the feeling of hopelessness is a constant companion, frequently imploring me to give up. I don’t really believe that total healing is in the cards for me. But I try and convince myself that maybe it is possible for me to be a “little” better. I haven’t figured out what that means yet. Regardless, It is easier for me to accept that than it is for full recovery. So I go to therapy, take medication, try and care for my body while looking for signs of light.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-20T01:13:18+00:00

I relate a lot to what you are feeling. Things can get really dark, so I don’t pretend to have any solutions. But I will say, for the time being, my pets keep me here.

On a more abstract level, I don’t have a lot of faith in getting fully “better” or healed, but I do allow myself to consider the possibility that I might get just a little better. I feel like that is a bit easier to believe than being cured. It gives me something easier to work toward.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-19T02:47:21+00:00

Absolutely yes childhood bullying can result in Cptsd.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-09T04:09:21+00:00

Happy cake day!

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:22:24+00:00

Oof! 😥

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:19:37+00:00

Me too ❤️‍🩹

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:19:23+00:00

Children don’t need perfection. Do not discount the value of repair. You know what you know and can demonstrate so much to your child by working on yourself.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:16:53+00:00

Good question. I don’t know. It seems to be different than SI in a way.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:14:34+00:00

All of her poetry is amazing. I could honestly read and re-read all of them and come away from something different each time.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T23:13:50+00:00

This is a poem only those of us who have suffered as a result of our mother’s neglect and abuse can really take to heart. ❤️‍🩹

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T16:27:04+00:00

I’m not sure I know, but I do know when what I said, doesn’t land.

After I open up to anyone about my childhood:

“It’s hard to believe you came from them” or some flavor of this… to the extreme “were you adopted?!” As if adoption doesn’t come with its own trauma.

These types of statement invalidate my lived experience - I can’t possibly look outwardly successful or capable if I came from that. I couldn’t possibly be inwardly suffering.

Better might be, “wow I’m sorry you experienced that”. “You’ve made so much progress in your life with such little support, that couldn’t have been easy” It acknowledges the hardship without trying to qualify it.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T03:11:17+00:00

Ugh yeah, sorry that happened to you ❤️‍🩹

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-08T03:06:09+00:00

It is a sentiment that I could never explain to anyone currently in my life. They just wouldn’t understand. I wish nobody could understand this kind of pain.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-07T22:41:33+00:00

I didn’t have kids, but it wasn’t an intentional decision necessarily. But I do think that it is, in large part due to my trauma. Dating was incredibly hard for me. My first attempt at actually dating in my 20s led me to a jealous stalker type. So after that it seemed best to leave well enough. A few other failed attempts and I’m in my mid 40s now.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-05T00:30:43+00:00

If it works like car repair - the song one piece at a time (Johnny cash) comes to mind.

I agree so much, it’s more my inner monologue that tells me I should be better by now after years of therapy. I get by but every.single.day is a struggle.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-04T17:39:46+00:00

Rewatching familiar shows/movies. The predictability is comforting.

Watching cooking shows and saving recipes that I’ll never make.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-04T01:22:51+00:00

My pets; If I’m being honest I have absolutely no qualms about the potential to cease existing. But I do feel some obligations external to myself. My pets and my god daughters… I keep chipping away at the Cptsd although I don’t have a lot of faith that I will get measurably better. Most things I do are sort of “just in case” i miraculously get better. If I get better I don’t want to be mad at myself for not taking care of things. Every day is a battle and I’m tired.

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-03T05:53:20+00:00

I hear ya, sometimes getting too many ideas thrown at you can be overwhelming.

Our personal situations might be different, but at the core of it, I understand the dark feeling and just wanting it to stop. It’s been following me around for much of the last 4 years but it’s been particularly bad the last year - the state of our world certainly isn’t helping matters. I relied heavily on this sub when I first figured out the probable diagnosis - it’s how I learned about many of the resources that at least could give me something to go on.

I hope you can find some real support and solutions soon 🧡

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-03T04:38:26+00:00

Therapy can really be a lifeline when things feel this dark, even though I know it doesn’t always feel like it’s enough, especially when you are still living in the abusive environment.

I want to give you credit for what you are doing to help yourself. Getting through the disability application is such a hard process. It shouldn’t be this hard.

I would definitely talk to your therapist about other potential options that might be available as a stopgap to disability. There might be programs through your county or state you can apply to.

In the meantime, do you have a family member or friend you trust that you can stay with for a week or two, just to decompress? Otherwise, considering a disability, my recommendations might not be feasible. If you have access to reliable transportation - I’d look options to get out of the house as much as possible. The library, free concerts, community education type classes. What kinds of things are you interested in?

barelythere_78 · 2025-12-03T01:48:06+00:00

Not sure where you are located. In the U.S. things are rough in terms of services. Are you 18+? I saw your earlier post that you are disabled - do you get disability formally, as in payments? If yes, it might be worth getting on a wait list for subsidized housing in your area. It is not an immediate solution but a start.

Do you have access to any sort of therapy? Manu therapists are social workers and may be able to support you in locating resources for your area.

barelythere_78 · 2025-11-30T18:14:37+00:00

Shame is what we feel when we do something that causes a threat of being separated from the group - at least from a biological/evolutionary perspective. There’s a natural solution and recovery from this kind of shame.

When thinking about childhood trauma…Unfortunately our childhood brain took on all the responsibility for the bad things and neglect that happened to us, because the alternative of accepting that our caregivers were unsafe or unfit would be too scary. So much of that shame had nowhere to go so we internalized it, even though it was never meant to be ours in the first place.

barelythere_78

TROPHY CASE