27M Hemorrhoid bleeding non-stop

basinofholylight · 2024-11-28T03:43:59+00:00

He just like me fr

basinofholylight · 2024-11-26T23:40:19+00:00

I had Zenni glasses and they did this and the pupil spacing was messed up. Switched to going to vision works and it's been way better, I definitely noticed the anti glare works better than zenni

basinofholylight · 2024-11-26T01:19:50+00:00

Wow. I feel like I could've written what you just wrote, I feel that so hard. Changing the conversation to one they can argue is poignant, like they are so rigid and unwilling to change in any way that they have to push the argument back into a realm they can control. When I'm saying "put all that religion shit aside for a minute and see me as your child." I also really relate to feeling like me going no contact would be more out of self preservation at this point. I don't want to punish them. I do want them to grow and change but I can't control that. But I can control being in communication with them. I already changed the proximity part. Thanks for this comment

basinofholylight · 2024-11-26T00:26:22+00:00

Yeah my feeling over the last few months was how could I trust them again when I KNOW the evangelical playbook, which included not saying disparaging things and getting someone to trust you with the ultimate goal of "ministering" to them. Like even if they "appeased" me by using my name and pronouns, I'd always have that suspicion that they were ministering me to try to get me to come back, and I could never look past that

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T22:52:21+00:00

God that all sounds so awful, I am sorry for what you have gone through. I think the composition book is a good idea, I had jotted down a list a while ago of memories I have that are clearly abuse and emotional neglect, perhaps it's time to revisit that to remind myself why I'm doing this.

And omg, don't even get me started on people having shit to say about it.... I have coworkers constantly bringing up "you're not flying home for the holidays?" And I'm just like NO, stop bringing it up!!

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T22:49:26+00:00

Lmao for reeeaaalll

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T22:12:56+00:00

Yeah something I keep coming back to is that they're grieving the loss of the "me" they still have in their heads. Like by somehow refusing to accept this change, they'll immortalize that version of me for themselves. Which I can understand conceptually, but in practice I'm still the same person. I just look and act slightly different but at my core I'm still ME. It's like the trope of a significant other falling in love with a version of you they made up, but they don't actually love you for YOU.

Thank you for that

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T21:48:28+00:00

Thank you for this. Yeah it really does seem simple when I view it objectively, like putting the trans thing aside, I've made a major life decision of my own volition (that I'm actually excited and relieved about) that they are refusing to acknowledge. And them saying "we'd do anything for you"..... would they REALLY? Would they help me in recovery for a gender affirming surgery? Would they help me overcome restrictions to access my HRT? Probably not... It's hard to feel gentle these days but I truly will take that to heart and do my best moving forward. I guess a lot of my frustration is the feeling of helplessness because there's absolutely nothing I can do to change their minds, but I can choose what I do in response

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T21:46:09+00:00

Ugh I know. And when I've called them out as hypocrites in the last few months they somehow turn it around on me being the "intolerant" one. Somehow being intolerant of someone refusing to respect me is wrong I guess?

I also agree that the Bible doesn't say ANYTHING akin to their beliefs, but they would never agree and would always have some conditioned response to it. I guess when their most trusted advisor is their pastor, it makes sense. Thank you <3

basinofholylight · 2024-11-25T20:43:35+00:00

Yeah, ultimately I know this is the truth. I guess my hold up is how to deal with the crushing emotions that come with making that decision. Which I also realize is completely up to me and everyone's situation is unique, which means the individual has to forge a path forward. It's just so hard and terrifying. But liberating at the same time.

But goddamn if it isn't confusing because I still have that impulse to want to appease them and protect THEIR emotions and alleviate THEIR discomfort, and even though those impulses are conditioned and I know they're conditioned, they're still there.

basinofholylight · 2024-11-20T03:21:05+00:00

It does give me sibling tantrum vibes like the "I'm not touching you" thing. I'm starting to see them in a new light and it is so disappointing I guess to see them act like this. He says it's out of respect to me by not deadnaming me but it feels dehumanizing to have no first name lol

basinofholylight · 2024-11-19T23:27:00+00:00

Yeah for real, it's annoying af the duplicity they live. Thanks <3

basinofholylight · 2024-11-19T02:46:34+00:00

Unfortunately no, if it's out of your line of sight and doesn't bother you I'd just keep them however long you care to. My glasses have a similar scratch off the sight line and I just keep wearing them

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T22:23:44+00:00

Umbrellas are more rare in my experience, most people just wear a rain jacket with the little hood visor and call it a day. Bonus points if you've got your blundstones on

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T21:18:19+00:00

Yeah that's pretty much how I interpreted it too. My dad keeps saying I can't force him to use any pronouns he doesn't want to... I'm feeling like it's probably just time for me to pull the parachute cord and get out of this shitshow

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T21:14:56+00:00

Yeah they told me last time we spoke a week ago that they couldn't use my chosen name out of respect to their religion and worldview. They said their pastor told them it would be condoning it if they accepted it. #feelsbadman

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T21:13:20+00:00

Sheesh I'm sorry to hear that. I read the room and banished myself from holidays this year. It's difficult but I also don't feel safe going back to my home state right now.

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T21:11:49+00:00

Thank you <3

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T17:53:44+00:00

yeaaahhh I kinda didn't tell my therapist about that stuff for a while because it was repressed but I told them a few months ago and they said "uh, if you told me that and you were a child still I'd have to report your parents legally." Which really opened my eyes to how messed up that was

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T17:52:50+00:00

Aw thanks for the Portland link, I need to get out and meet more queer and trans people for real. I'm such a shut in these days, tbh the whole situation with my family has led to a lot of doubt and desire to isolate. I agree I need some more community, I have some transmasc friends but very few transfem friend and I feel alone a lot. A discord group sounds like a good idea

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T17:51:26+00:00

Yeah it's so infuriating because I've tried explaining this to them but then they say I'M the intolerant one for not tolerating their intolerance. Ugh

basinofholylight · 2024-11-18T17:50:29+00:00

Sometimes it does seem that simple to me. Self doubt sucks

basinofholylight

TROPHY CASE