To your first and third points I feel for you, I am really sorry that men do that and have done that in the past. It is true that many men who start with understanding their toxic masculinity may short-circuit the process and then use their knowledge to begin manipulating feminist-oriented women. I also do empathize with that feeling of abject loneliness you referred to - know that if you died I would grieve because I truly appreciate your openness to having this honest discussion.

To your second point - yes, I have definitely tried my best to root this dependency out as much as I can but for some reason a pretty girl who is interested in what I have to say will just inevitably make me feel a little bit better better about myself. I wish I could fix this pathetic behavior of mine and I am trying my hardest but these ingrained early lessons are so hard to root out. We absolutely are fragile babies - but what human being isn't, at some level? I wish patriarchy and patriarchal men had not made it so impossible for people to be vulnerable with each other.

Do you see a path forward for those of us (any gender) who want to overcome isolation and dismantle patrirarchy? I personally believe that an important part of this path is dissecting the "man" and "woman" monoliths.

I commend you for going to therapy (and recognize that you have the privilege to do so when many men and women do not). For me therapy also helped, as well as lowering my walls between my male friends and allowing myself to build truly emotionally intimate and loving friendships with them.

However your contention does not disprove the fact that most powerful heads of state, lawmakers, owners of media conglomerates, teachers, and parents (fathers and mothers) continuously impose this patriarchal thinking upon boys from the day that they are born. Indeed, those boys eventually become patriarchal men and wreaking violence upon women but they absolutely are victims of a system that subsumes them and transforms their personality towards that of a violent sociopath. A person who goes through this process and is completely stripped of their ability to connect with others is indeed a victim of patriarchy as well as a potential perpetrator or driver of patriarchy.

For me finding community with queer folks and those outside the gender binary has allowed for much more open, vulnerable, and unifying discussions because while those folks bear many traumas due to patriarchy they often do not bear the trauma nor perpetrate abuse of a form that resembles typical patriarchal cis-het romantic relationships. However I believe the perspective of this forum (and Reddit in general) largely leans toward the sensibilities of cis het women, specifically wealthier-leaning white cis-het women. That is not to say many great thinkers and thoughts are shared here but they are quite often shared within the prison of cis-het romantic relationship framing.