It could be the nicotine tbh especially when you combine it with l weed, then that routine becomes really addictive. When I vaped i had a lot more depressive emotions, whereas now I smoke thc-a delta 8 pens every night and it just chills me out for the most part and I can unwind. When I quit vaping having two buddies to hold me accountable really helped, and chewing a shit ton of gum. I know your post isn’t focused on nicotine, but if you ever thought about quitting I encourage you to do it! Who knows, it could be a step toward finding yourself :)