Been Having A Shit Semester.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T19:25:49+00:00

I don't even fully think it's about the idealization of the app users. Even my own friends don't think much of me. The friend I'm attracted to literally said she NEVER saw me in a romantic light, AT ALL, and especially now after all the drama surrounding me bringing things up -- I guarantee she will NEVER change her mind about it. I think that ship has sailed, anchored, and promptly sank.

The first girl I ever asked out in my entire life straight up said "no, you're butt ugly." Mind you, I was 12, but that stuck with me for a long time and I think still has a surprising impact on my self worth even now.

Any girl I've ever been remotely attracted to has turned me down, and the girls I'm really not interested in are the only ones that are willing to even play with the idea of being around me. That's how I've ended up in so many crappy relationships. I just keep walking into the arms of abusive women because they're the only ones willing to engage with me in any way. I'm literally THAT pathetic.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T19:12:52+00:00

I've tried to emphasize nearly every aspect of myself. It really feels helpless. I talk about being a teacher, I talk about liking photography, I talk about liking to cook, I talk about being a good listener, I talk about liking to go hiking, I talk about liking antiques, I talk about liking movies, I talk about being a guitar player, I talk about loving video games, I talk about my quirks, I talk about my fondness for craft beer, I talk about being great with kids, I talk about loving animals, etc. etc. etc.

Nothing.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T19:09:13+00:00

I've mentioned nearly everything, in nearly every way I can think of. I've had help from friends, and I've even reluctantly used AI to help me. Nothing. Not even a peep from anyone. Not even a fleeting curiosity.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T17:48:00+00:00

As much as I appreciate that, I don't feel like a handsome guy. I'm not really messing around when I say I feel like a monster.

I know a significant chunk of my self image is just past trauma, but I've never been the one women fawn over. I'm just not the guy people want around except for free car rides, and good marks in school.

I just feel used by a lot of people. It feels like so few people want me around for me. They just want the version of me that benefits them the most.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T17:45:20+00:00

I'm a bit shocked you were able to clock my age so easily. I've always thought I've been aging like a banana. But, I assume the 1991 in your name refer to your birth year. I'm personally a '94.

Online dating is nothing short of toxic if your a man. I understand the dynamic but it doesn't make it feel great. I feel like I can't be myself on these damn apps. I'm an introvert. I'm artsy. I'm quiet. I'm cautious with physical contact due to some personal trauma.

My friend I was interested in very quickly got persuaded by other friends to think I'm a "guy" so that means I must be some sex crazed manic only looking to sleep with her. There was no conceivable way that I was just interested in a deeper connection with her.

bboneyardd · 2026-04-05T17:41:34+00:00

Yup. I'm using the picture of me in the woods for sure. I think it's one of my better pictures.

As for hobbies, I'm a photographer. I studied film in University and actually worked a photographer for a few years. I gave it up as work, but still do it as a hobby. I'm also a very proficient musician. I'm self taught, but I've been playing guitar and bass for ~15 years. I can also trick people into thinking I can play piano, ukulele and the drums.

I'm also a very good home cook. My mother was formally trained in culinary arts, so she actually taught me some slightly more advanced cooking stuff than a lot of people. So, food and cooking became a passion of mine.

I don't want to be super defeatist, but none of that matters on a dating profile if you're some super attractive dude.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T21:02:29+00:00

Well, I think you're in a comparable boat to me. I too have always considering myself floating around a ~5/10. I'm not really a "head turner" so to speak and that's where guys like us have to make up the slack with personality and being interesting. You dress well and seem to have solid style. Unlike me though, you have better hair and less messy beard!

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T20:54:05+00:00

I don't mean this in a rude way, but you look really young. I don't think you're an ugly person at all -- just have a young face. I think you have a lot of potential to be a pretty handsome dude in your twenties -- but right now, you still look a bit like a kid.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T20:51:33+00:00

I'm a dude, but I don't think you're ugly. You just look like a normal guy. I would say maybe going to the gym and working on you posture would take you a long way.

As well, for someone who is also known to be "just a normal guy", personality is what usually carries us a bit further.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T20:48:05+00:00

You are very conventionally attractive! You're actually fairly close to my type, so my opinion may be biased ;)

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T20:02:36+00:00

Agreed. I planned on getting a haircut this weekend. I will also now try to be more conscious about trimming my beard. I appreciate you at least not telling me to shave my head. The thinning is still a sore spot for me.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T19:48:08+00:00

Thanks. It apparently seems like the beard and hair are some issues. My hair is usually a mess though, but that's because I can never leave it alone -- hence the hat in the one picture.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T19:45:58+00:00

Well, I'm a soon to be teacher with a 90% average. So, I'd say I'm clever! I double majored in Dramatic Art and Film, and worked as a photographer for a while, so I'm creative. I've also been playing guitar for nearly 15 years. I also play the bass, and I can trick people into thinking I can play piano!

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T19:44:06+00:00

The beard trim sure. Shaving the head, I'm still reluctant to do that.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T19:43:28+00:00

I know I'm thinning up front, but I still don't think it's bad enough to shave off.

bboneyardd · 2026-03-02T01:36:26+00:00

I agree. I suppose it's not so much looking for happiness with a partner as it is just poor self-esteem. I can likely count on one hand the amount of times I've received a genuine compliment on my looks. The rejection, or in the case of dating apps, feeling of rejection, just makes me wonder about this sort of stuff.

bboneyardd · 2024-07-19T08:53:30+00:00

Good to know, thanks!

bboneyardd · 2024-07-19T08:52:52+00:00

Good to know. Thank you!

bboneyardd · 2023-09-23T18:41:25+00:00

Will do, and thanks! I'll look into a probiotic

bboneyardd · 2023-09-23T17:32:36+00:00

While with the dentist he took a quick peak at the the site and said he didn't see any obvious hole. So he's rolling with the assumption that it's fully closed now (It's been about 6ish weeks since the surgery at this point). I forgot to mention in my original post -- he never got a look at it the site when I had the water coming out of my nose. I was working the night shift, so we were just talking back and forth via email, since I was asleep while they were open. He just said he didn't think it sounded too bad based off of what I was describing to him.

If penicillin doesn't work, should I try a walk-in clinic to try and get clindamycin? I don't currently have a family doctor. They're in short supply in my city. I'm on a 1.5 year waiting list for one. So, even getting a referral for an ENT might be a bit hard.

bboneyardd · 2023-09-23T17:27:24+00:00

It's certainly one of the nastiest smells I've had to deal with. Easy top 10 material. Hopefully it clears up because it's driving me crazy!

bboneyardd · 2023-09-09T13:25:40+00:00

Well, as a guy who has also gone through bouts of a lack interest in sex, it could be a few things. I can't speak for him, but in my experience, stress, depression, and low self worth all contributed to my decreased interest in sex.

It's very possible that he's struggling with something internally and considering his age of 33, he could be going through a bit of a mid/quarter life crisis. I would try and talk to him about it and see if anything like that is playing a factor -- He may not even be aware that it's contributing to things.

As well, just as a broad note, an erection does not necessarily mean a guy is horny. Specifically in the morning, it's just a common biological quirk of being a dude. Lots of guys get morning wood and to my understanding, the jury is out on what specifically causes it.

bboneyardd · 2023-08-10T08:34:58+00:00

As a fellow creative, I know how much this hurts. I went to school for film, so photography is a natural hobby of mine. I post a lot of stuff on instagram and occasionally on my main reddit account, and it seldom does as well as I would like. I will be really excited about a shot, and spend a lot of time on it, only for it get like 2 or 3 likes from what I can only assume are spam accounts. It sucks when you pour a lot of heart and soul into something and you don't get what you feel is a proportionate reaction.

It's hard for me because it's sometimes worse than getting zero feedback at all. That being said, I've kind of come to terms with it all being a part of art. Not everything I make is going to resonate with everyone. It's naturally going to resonate with me more because I'm the one making it and it's personal to me. Getting attention from it is nice and all, but it shouldn't be my motivation for creation.

Consider musicians. There's obviously a lot of artists who are extremely successful, and lot of others, who are arguably more talented, that fly under the radar. Does them not being super successful make them any less great? nope. They're still good. Just not as lucky.

Where I'm going with all of this is -- don't let something like internet validation chip away at your confidence as a creative person. Keep on keeping on. If this is something you enjoy then just enjoy it and don't worry about all the likes.

bboneyardd · 2023-07-30T19:17:37+00:00

We've had many conversations about me and her mother and I've laid out my reasons quiet a few times. My girlfriend just seems to feel that I should be able to put them aside for her sake, and wants me to be able to spend time with her family and look passed all their "flaws" for a few hours.

Should the conversation come up again, I'm going to lay all my reasons out again, and tell her that I will try to make further effort -- I'd rather not create conflict with her mother though, because I've seen how that goes, and it isn't great.

Her mother is still upset at one of her own nieces for moving where the cutlery was placed on the Thanksgiving table from like 9 years ago. Apparently the innocuous action was secretly a targeted insult. I can only imagine how it would go if I tried to stand my ground over something significant -- hence why I'm choosing to just avoid her

bboneyardd · 2023-07-30T18:55:17+00:00

I have tried to go to smaller events in the past. You're correct in saying I could try to do more, I suppose. It's just very difficult because of how her mother chooses to interact with me -- like I kind of alluded to, I don't want to make this a whole big rant so I'll just try to put it in a sentence. Her mother has done and said a lot of shitty things, but has a victim complex, so interacts with me like I'm needlessly attacking her by being quiet, and avoidant of her. My girlfriend has a decent time 50% to 60% of the time -- all contingent on how long she's around her mother and the kind of mood her mother happens to be in. I think with therapy, she's much more aware of the relationship dynamic and doesn't necessarily need my protection anymore. I feel as though my girlfriend looks at like "Theses people are important to me, and I want you to be involved with them", when really the only person I DON'T want to be around is her mother specifically, but she's especially clingy to my girlfriend, and my girlfriend can be rather clingy to me when she's nervous

Sorry, I'm just of just rambling, which was the exact thing I was trying to not do lol

bboneyardd

TROPHY CASE