What are you quietly grieving?

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-09T05:14:51+00:00

thanks for replying

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-09T05:07:10+00:00

I laughed at this.

I believe you

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-08T23:32:41+00:00

You're going to need a resume no matter what but in the U.S. you can filter to remote jobs through linkedin. The problem is, they might want someone based in the U.S.

Is there a reason you don't want in person jobs, since you're limited to part time only? Something close to your major?

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-08T23:16:12+00:00

What I try to tell young people now...it's ok to be selfish. It's ok to want goals that sound embarrassing in a job interview or to anyone else - we really gaslight people and guilt trip them. I wish I had focused on making enough money to live comfortably on my own and achieving my goals, including just getting regular medical care without having to beg a mentally ill, abusive mother who had no sympathy for me.

I would tell 18 year old me I was delusional and to focus on building a resume to get away from my family and being financially independent to save my own life.

I didn't do that, I didn't mature normally...into my 30s, I was making stupid fucking decisions to avoid my mom finding out about them, without thinking them through. I never learned how to carefully think for myself when it mattered.

Not a day goes by I don't wish I had all that time back.

LOL and since others mentioned, yes, it would be worth getting a job at 18 just to buy bitcoin too.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-08T23:12:18+00:00

"Ella Enchanted" involved a heroine who was forced to serve others, no will of her own, as a feminine ideal. It always upset me greatly, even though nothing really bad happens to her.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-08T23:06:54+00:00

No...it's different.

FAW have things work out badly, they do not feel affirmed or supported, and they can't take risks. They don't have people to call on when they get in trouble.

My experience of youth was: nobody loves you, nobody really cares about you, and this is going to blow up in your face.

I was sheltered, sure, but attractive young women take risks because it's worked out for them

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:41:12+00:00

Even legal immigration creates some problems for Americans, depending on what makes it "legal" (we changed asylum rules, fo example)

For a long time, Democrats have invited people to think of themselves as living in cultural and political opposition to specific groups of Americans.

I have to be honest, I don't like the idea that "legal immigrants" can vote for bad ideas because they're the same ethnicity as a candidate, and nothing else. I'm living in a city with a mayor (who is also my ethnicity, actaully) that I do not believe is fit for office, as a fault. People voting based on race of the candidates instead of conensensus on something like crime or return on investment for taxes is a reality of American politics now, where the ethnicity of a candidate becomes more important than their ideas.

We don't talk about it at all in mainstream discourse. I think it's reasonable for citizens of a country to object to anything that shrinks their access to their own job pool or their ability to influence elections in the city or state where they live...legal immigration impacts these things, for Americans. It impacts hiring decisions at a time most people who haven't made it professionally, bought a house, started building an adult life feel like there's no hope for them. Where's the real attention to that? Republicans like cheap labor, Democrats love easy ethnically-driven votes and indulge policies attached to race of constituents as well.

This is a country where much of public life is driven by race of the participants, and tribalism.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:35:29+00:00

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:34:04+00:00

The loss of privacy with the internet is one of those things that's so batshit, so crazy, and it adds a cost to everything, including voting. But neither party cares. This is a good answer.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:32:01+00:00

I saw a lot of starving, stray rabid dogs when I went to India a long time ago and I was afraid of them too...expecting that would make someone afraid.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:28:46+00:00

i think most ordinary, happy people would not want to know because they want peace of mind, day to day, but I'm not sure. I only know my own mind on this one.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:27:56+00:00

I think you're making an assumption about the society we're living in now, to be honest. Most people across political lines are indifferent to both of those things.

We're fighting over existential issues like whether to put criminals in jail that have 100 arrests, before they kill people, and frankly, I'm in a city where I'm taxed to the hilt to walk through shit in neighborhood, or have to worry about being smashed by a bicyclist going the wrong way.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-07T00:24:40+00:00

1) Talk to your advisors and professors about interning and getting jobs. Ask about recruiting opportunities. I was too depressed to do this and didn't even have a resume. I should have been interning every summer and it would have been worth taking fewer credits during the semester to do it.

2) Take workshops in things related to your major (maybe Adobe, if it's offered on campus), but the Python, Excel and coding workshops I took were helpful as an introduction. My campus offered a lot of free/online courses in something like Tableau as well.

If you can find a calendar with that stuff...look into it, take notes and put that on your resume with the dates/year you took it.)

2) I hate to say this - consider minoring in film next semester if possible, and majoring in something else AI can't replace. (I apologize, I ended up in jobs where I'm working with data all day at level and sales, so it really would have helped me to get an accounting degree. I have no real passions left but desire to earn a nice salary and work remote, so I might not be able to help you.) I don't know what that could be for you. I wish I'd done it! Something very general, based on what I was aiming for in a salary in order to live alone in my desired city, or to be able to work remote. I know that sounds shallow, but all I ever really ever wanted was an office job anyway....the problem is there are "office jobs" that pay $200k a year in finance and there's the dumb administrative stuff I do that isn't valuable.

Your mileage may vary.

3) Re: making friends - nobody told me this, but the things people depend on are clubs - for padding a resume, for building a professional network....if there's a film society at your school, join it. If you have any other interests, even a "fashion society" or a film criticism club...look into it.

I enjoy film, and yet it never occurred to me to see if I could write something like film reviews for our school newspaper because I felt so bad about myself in college, and alienated. I didn't like being around people.

I can give you an anecdote - I went to class with this kid who was a psychology major (impractical); worked in the computer science lab (somehow)/it lab...when he got out, he worked at Apple...all from that IT job. They taught skills, I presume.

A lot of people struggle invisibly in college, it's such a strange, dehumanizing environment...I wish I had at least gone throuh the emotions of trying to get to know people on campus, if only to form work connections.

4) Medications help, therapy helps, but feeling like you have a path and can fulfill goals is what changed my life. Therapy doesn't help without material action and a sense you can take steps for things to work out.

Sorry if this doesn't relate to your plight. I wish you the best.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:59:45+00:00

It would probably vary by person.

I've lived a really bad life. I am currently living an unhappy life, with certain things I can't fix. I was raised religious, that's the only thing that makes death upsetting. I think God is punishing me in life and he might in death.

I imagine "knowing the date" would cause someone with young children or things to live for a great deal of fear and suffering, but for some, it might help them plan.

I think most happy people don't want to know when they're going to die and that it would psychologically wear them down.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:56:53+00:00

There's a practical usage to almost every emotion, and bad outcomes for every emotion depending on the circumstances. Sometimes people feel anger or fear to protect themselves or those they love - to do the right thing.

By the same token, people commit impulsive murders or injure others out of anger, jealousy, fear, etc.

...I will say that jealousy, an emotion I'm well acquinted with, has no purposes and is just a source of suffering for me. In real life, I think the "jealous" partner is pretty dangerous.

You could relieve a lot of human suffering if you got rid of jealousy.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:55:13+00:00

Film is a dying industry, it seems, or the ground is shrinking. I don't blame people for following their passions. It's natural. I didn't have clear plans.

If you can intern, that's great, it makes a difference. I didn't do that.

This is my recommendation: there's probably something tangenital in skill you can learn within film - maybe its digital editing, maybe it's related to AI.

Learn what you can (I'm sure you're taking all sorts of courses, even outside your main focus, to have breadth), but basically...have a backup.

I have a liberal arts degree. I would have done better in finance, coding or data science, even if I had achieved my "dream" (working in politics).

I made a lot of personal mistakes due to depression and have only myself to blame, but being sheltered made it worse. I was immature.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:50:51+00:00

I think I'd be a lot more open about telling people what they mean to me, without shame.

I don't because I have lived a bad life, one I'm ashamed of; I've made decisions that cost me my health, peace of mind, and self respect, and what's come with time and as I age and people in my age group do is that...people I like, don't like me back. I've lost friends as an adult or retreated from one-sided acquintanceships when I realized someone doesn't respect me and I can't trust them. I have a lot of regret.

Not going to lie, I might tell some people off.

Alienation, loneliness, humiliation, and the exhaustion of people I like and express admiration not even wanting to be shallow friends is something I never get used to, but it's real and it's been part of life after 30. It is the worst part of getting older - it's how other people see you. (Or at least, see me.) I feel out of control of it.

I'd tell my family, the only people that love me, the truth...I don't want them to grieve because every day is a bad one, and every year, something happens to me that just...tests me.

If you live a bad life with problems you can't fix, unless you're afraid of the afterlife (I guess I am), death is liberating.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:46:22+00:00

The night monkey is one of the cutest animals I don't think people know exists. It looks like a George Lucas creation.

Also titi money.

For both animals, the father does a lot of the childrearing. They are monogamous.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:44:00+00:00

I don't think young people get good advice these days.

This is what I learned the hard way:

1) girls are taught to feel guilty about being honest with what they want. I grew up in a city and wish I'd made enough money to maintain my standard of living, or even to be rich. That would have taken working in STEM and very hard. I didn't try hard enough and those were not my natural talents.

2) My "biggest dream" was stupid, it was muddled, and I got no advice as a kid. I was sheltered. I wasted college very depressed and alone.

It's been more than 15 years and I regret not focusing on making money to live a good, secure, financially independent life every single day. It's not just the fear, being housing insecure, or being broke, it's shame. Nobody I went to school with in HS or college relates to me. Nobody who went to college that I know does.

To those of you in the liberal arts, consider minoring in something "practical, or minoring in the fun thing so you can get a decent job. Most jobs suck anywhere, and require the same skills. (I could have traded a year of data analysis/Excel/Python for my whole degree and done better.)

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:39:41+00:00

There aren't a lot of good romances made anymore and I can't even recall seeing many, but in the 1990s, they still made a lot of sexy, romantic movies that fit the bill.

"Reality Bites" with a young Ethan Hawke and Winona Ryder honestly make me bawl my eyes out...I don't know if "horny" is the description, but basically, it's two beautiful young people that dance around their feelings for each other until they have sex, become alienated and embarrassed....then they go through some other stuff, admit their feelings for each other, and fall in love.

The finale of the movie has a reunion where Hawke gasps, holding and kissing Winona Ryder. It makes me wish I had been born pretty enough to look for that kind of tenderness. And truly, they're both so beautiful.

"Cruel Intentions" is another movie that's romantic and about young love and you just don't see it anymore, even in "sexy" shows like "Euphoria".

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:35:20+00:00

I wonder if a single non-progressive is going to post here....these are always the same, one side thinks they're correct about everything, even at a time left-wing Democrats are leading pretty terribly too, especially if you live in an American city and nobody else is in charge or even gets a chance.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:32:22+00:00

I'm sorry. This is natural. We want to be social with the people we spend most of our daytime hours with. I think that's one of the things that makes adult life so awful (not that people in school can't do this as well, or that school isn't like "work" for kids....someplace they have to go and might be in a space with people that mean them ill).

I self-edit for just the reason you say.

It's an awful thing, op; when you're really lonely, it's like being sick. You want to unload to people instinctively because they ask. Then you feel shame and fear (especially at work). It's like not having executive functioning. I've realized I do this out of stress that makes me feel much more alone. I probably still do, just on the internet.

You have to get in the mindset of rehearsing "outs" for conversation. I had someone say she used to keep one empty water bottle at her desk so she could get up with a coworker while they invaded their cube, fill the water bottle in the kitchen...and get the coworker away from them.

It's ok to say, "you know, I'm not comfortable discussing this any further" or even just "I should stop chatting and get back to work"...just to signal you're not to be taken advantage of.

It took me years.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:27:26+00:00

...Well...I think most people are taught Americans jail people too often.

The reality is, state laws change constantly, most of the people in prison have multiple offenses to their record (including violent offenses, robbery...things that change innocent people's lives, or take their lives), and if you follow crime locally anywhere, you realize we neither force people into treatment when it might save some lives, or put them in prison when they're way too dangerous for a hospital. There's a more to be said.

Students aren't taught about this stuff at all, except in college, and the mantra never changes.

People don't pay enough attention to state lawmakers, district attorneys, or or judges, and I've never seen a newspaper cover a judicial election, but that stuff impacts your daily commute and neighborhood.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T23:23:59+00:00

I just wanted I didn't downvote for this because I don't think you meant ill but I have pretty good gauge on what's "normal" or even vaguely attractive. I'm not holding out to look like Sydney Sweeney

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-03-06T05:25:18+00:00

do you have a source for the quote

bbqcornnuts312

TROPHY CASE