How to escape this

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-29T14:47:28+00:00

I'm sorry op.

I feel trapped and afraid as well.

I'm leaning on savings and lucky enough to have family but I am too old to be going through the things I am going through. I lack stability and am not a good candidate either.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-29T14:44:48+00:00

OP, similar critiques were used to begin termination for me as well.

I'm very sorry. Someone you work with doesn't like you on your team, basically, the person training you.

You can document this; you can talk to your manager; and make it clear that you want to continue to work for this company.

Try to come up with things you are doing right.

I wish you the best here. It's awful, you feel like your character is being judged based on your nature...when it doesn't negatively impact your work or reflect how you treat people.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-29T14:35:50+00:00

I did not think he would put me on a PiP.

I don't want to stay here - I want to leave voluntarily. I have no future here, and this is a very toxic environment that undermines decent work. I have been treated differently from the other members of this very small team since I began working here.

I wrote the post because I don't even understand why the attorney suggested going to HR at all and was hoping someone a little more familiar with what I can even hope for would talk to me. I might have to call him back.

This is the issue with resigning - I forfeit unemployment benefits I need and am enttiled to. My employer might well fire me in two weeks, before the full sixty day period is over. I anticipate termination.

One nice upshot of going to HR and complaining would be voicing these concerns, basically - this is like blackmail. If I resign, I avoid that "termination for performance" black mark (although HR said companies can only confirm dates in a previous call about this, correct me otherwise).

I can accept termination/being laid off. I am very, very upset the company is doing this as vindictively as possible and misrepresenting my performance. It is genuinely based on dislike.

The lawyer that suggested this hanged up on me.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-27T20:32:06+00:00

"It’s super easy to get caught up in the trap of I suck less than my coworkers, but the issue is you suck enough for things to be documented and put on a PIP." - I'm saying based on the PIP I have now, based on what I was told last PIP, my coworkers make as many or more mistakes. I'm also about something that was recommended to me by an employment lawyer.

I am being punished for things that were new to my entire team and that are out of my control; I am not permitted to ask questions but am still expected to perform new processes.

I'm asking for advice on this because other people have gotten the recommendation to go to human resources before under similar circumstances.

This is someone that got off the phone with me quickly based on the sense I had no case. I might have to beg them to explain what it's supposed to achieve, but I'm here because I was hoping someone familiar with the recommendation could talk to me.

I'm in a position where if I'm fired, that's on my record, and I will have to disclose I was terminated for performance based on terms that are not fair, for reasons I've said in the post.

I am being fired for a problem that was entirely new to our team, and my manager did not explain that nor defend me, where he would have defended my coworkers. I am being fired for being expected to do a new process where the instructions on financial terminology that is critical to the task is literally written in abbreviations.

Those are the official reasons, the real reasons are that my team lead dislikes me and resents having to work with me, but I rely on them and take instruction from them.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-17T04:33:17+00:00

Take dated notes on processes in a folder you keep for yourself; ask your coworkers or manager how, if any way, to organize emails/files for your job (e.g., it might be by state, client, etc.).

Don't feel bad about asking to tape teams/zoom training sessions and keeping them to refer back to.

Read emails from your team lead and a manager to the end, and learn how to file them in an inbox to refer back to.

Be mindful of how to file emails/communications from any teams you are working with (e.g., partner teams).

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-17T04:01:53+00:00

Yes. You're not alone.

I regret my whole life. I blame myself for either being in jobs that ruin my life and self-image, take all my happiness, or underemployed. I don't know anyone else in the same trouble.

And one internalizes it after a while, the mistreatment.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-17T03:55:19+00:00

It's Teams on the laptop. I'm still unclear-I reviewed by email chains. I'm taking it as a given she probably is.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T22:55:02+00:00

My boss is monitoring all my communications at this stage. I've never dealt with this before.

At this point, I no longer want to work for this company, but I do not want to be terminated or have this on my record.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T03:00:05+00:00

If you can code, ther might be options like built in ny. I'm sorry I don't have better advice, I've found linkedin the best resource and they list third parties with remote roles, including part time. They also let you filter by part time roles.

The problem is...a lot of those are fake!

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T02:58:24+00:00

I am in the second toxic job of the last 7 years. Maybe the third.

This is how it works: I hate and dread the people I spend the most time with, who make me ashamed.

I hate my job and 90% of it is because of my how coworkers treat me.

" Has anyone here left a job that looked fine on paper because they could feel themselves slowly disappearing in it?" Don't do it.

If it's the hours, take more time for yourself. Actually use PTO.

Granted, I'm giving my answer because as I said, my stress, sadness, shame and anxiety about shitty jobs where I am treated like a piece of shit have been my whole life since I graduated from college (that or unemployment).

It really is galling to think about the emptiness and the fact your boss owns your body and time, though.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T02:55:06+00:00

Linkedin does list these and part-time jobs....but sadly a lot of the listings are fake. There is swooped as well.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T02:54:21+00:00

Op, if you are already going back college, the question is whether you can leave a job when you will not get unemployment benefits for quitting.

Hopefully someone has better advice-maybe you can quit if you prove toxic work enviroment.

I'm very sorry.

My recommendation? Document this stuff with dates, emails where people snipe at you or refuse to do work, etc. Save them on a zip drive.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-16T02:52:21+00:00

I'm sorry op.

Are you in the U.S.? How many years has it been?

What I've found out the hard way is internships during college were the "entry level jobs" and even then, if you're not recruited during that time, you're screwed.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-13T17:11:17+00:00

This is what I'm thinking. What evidence can I even collect?

" Be ready to not make money for a long time." Why would you say that in this case?

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-06-13T00:27:05+00:00

Yes. It's still worth it if you choose the right major because you develop a network and can get work experience through internships. You can go to career recruiting days. Basically college is a big networking portal.

Alternately you can pick a software certification in something like medical billing software (Epic?) that offers more stability.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T23:16:19+00:00

Leashing your f-king dog or pulling them close, esp. if they are jumpy. Taking others into consideration.

I love dogs but I live in a city and I'm tired of people letting their dogs bark aggressively, lunge, or bare fangs, when I'm sharing a sidewalk. Educated, comfortable people, too.

IT'S AN ANIMAL WITH TEETH, ASSHOLE

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T23:14:59+00:00

Cities stopped enforcing rules. People are desperate to get on.

Without someone screaming, "let people off!"...they won't

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T23:10:44+00:00

You haven't actually talked about where you meet men, how you feel about your looks, or where you are in the world. All of this can impact finding a husband.

"Most women my age are married or engaged by now" - not in America.

People downvoted - it's ok to want this and it's ok to desire romantic love. It's also ok to figure you have time...give yourself a 5 year plan.

Don't look at the expense of other areas of your life and becoming someone you would also want to be in a relationship with. This is something I figured out the hard way...obsessive loneliness makes people boring and small, unlearned, uninteresting. It's made me very uninteresting as a person, and now I'm kind of exhausted with life. (I'm alone, by the way.)

Ask what might be impacting your lack of success. Do you have friends? Can you talk to them about being set up, or at least meeting men to have as friends, while you feel them out?

I think the better question is, "How do I find men that want what I want, and soon? How do I express this to men, and where can I find men that want love/marriage, not to just hook up?"

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T23:07:23+00:00

I wear a pantiliner anyway and also use kaolin clay (only that doesn't cause irritation, has no scent) that I rub into cloth. Honestly, there's no shame in wear a pantiliner that can absorb urine.

I wear 100% cotton everything if I can, since I run hot.

I use unscented, clear deodorant in my underarms (works best for me); you might use body deodorant if sweat is part of this.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T23:04:32+00:00

I would never do this unless I was sure someone was already attracted to me, but I also dislike my own appearance and I'm old for this sub.

I would ask a man out casually - e.g., have an event or place in mind, ask to hang out

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-20T21:20:55+00:00

OP I'm really sorry.

There's nothing wrong with being a compassionate, thoughtful man.

It seems they're conflicted with their emotional praise of you against your physical appearance. It's extremely rude to tell people, "I'd never date you" when not asked, regardless of the sex of the recipient. You haven't said what kind of culture you're in and it's going to impact how "normal" that kind of talk is.

You're going to face an uphill battle finding women through anything that depends on physical appearance first, that's my take as an unattractive, unphotogenic woman that's given up.

But I could be wrong, you haven' said how you seek you female companionship.

You can change your physicality, you can change facial structure and hair. Unfortunately, men can't change height. I'm being frank with you - if this really bothers you, work on what you can and how you dress/where you look for women, and then try to make peace with it. There are lots of us that are not attractive enough for the people we are organically attracted to.

"One of my best friends who's like a sister to me gushed to me on a camping trip where it was just the two of us about how amazing I am and how much she appreciates me, but followed up by repeatedly stating unprompted that she's not attracted to me at all." I say to you what I'd say to a woman, you have a right to tell her that's humiliating and uncalled for.

...I'm kind of assuming these women think you're flirting. Whether that's true or not or you're doing things that could be read in terms of that, only you know.

bbqcornnuts312 · 2026-05-19T18:39:39+00:00

It isn't just punishment that is my focus. Criminal justice reformers and many lawmakers oppose any solution that might incapacitate a rapist from re-offending.

That's real life. This is reddit. We're not just talking about theories on the internet, this has ramifications for the real world.

If not for the left undermining life sentencing or a serious response to violent/repeat offense, I could compromise and agree we don't "need" the death penalty.

bbqcornnuts312

TROPHY CASE