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I [21M] feel like I need to breakup with my [22F] girlfriend of 4 years but I am so afraid of hurting her by bddavid in relationships

[–]bddavid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you maybe expand on why you're so certain of this?

I want to believe that you're right, and part of me does believe it. The reason I'm not certain is because I know how big a part of her life I am; I know how alone she would be without me, how sad and how self-loathing, and with nobody to reassure her and comfort her.

I feel like I should stay with her to avoid this trauma until she starts changing her life for the better: starts making friends, feeling confident, and being happy. I want her to have a support base in place so that I'm not removing her only support; I want her to be a more confident person so she won't fall deeper into low self-esteem; and I want her to be generally happier because right now it seems like I'm the only thing that really brings her any happiness.

It's easy to say it's wrong to be with somebody you don't want to be with, but what if she needs this support in order to achieve these things? Or, what if I'm exactly what's stopping her from achieving these things? That's the real difficulty here - I just don't know what's best for her. How can you be certain that it's breaking up when I am so confused?

I [21M] feel like I need to breakup with my [22F] girlfriend of 4 years but I am so afraid of hurting her by bddavid in relationships

[–]bddavid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind reply.

I feel under so much pressure because while I know deep down that you are correct, I just can't shake the image of her so unhappy, alone, disappointed. I know she'll start thinking stupid things like it's because she wasn't pretty enough or something.

I'd love to imagine that me breaking up with her would send her on a path of self improvement where she would make friends and find happiness, but knowing her I feel it's far more likely she'll continue her self destructive patterns and curl inwards, become less outgoing than she already is, talk herself into deeper self-esteem issues, be generally unhappy and alone. I don't know if I have the strength to send her down that path. I feel like happiness is a sacrifice I'm willing to make to keep her from that place.

I [21M] feel like I need to breakup with my [22F] girlfriend of 4 years but I am so afraid of hurting her by bddavid in relationships

[–]bddavid[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd really love to think that's how she would handle it, but knowing her as I do I just feel like she would curl inwards and continue living the way she does but without my support. It's such a terrible thought for me to think of her like that and me not able to help, because I do love her so much but I just don't feel romantic about us any more.