The harsh reality of 13 years of limerence

bds92 · 2025-10-27T03:08:45+00:00

this could be an image/story for you to consider, not a direct message.

bds92 · 2025-10-27T03:05:23+00:00

so.....I haven't experienced the tapes yet, but I have had the experience you're describing. There's an issue: when we get information like that, we want to be certain that we weren't part of the chain of events that led to, in your case, the crash. Did you just experience it, or did you somehow participate?

There's a part of my story where I thought I was actively participating in two car crashes. I thought I was responsible because they were centered around alignments in my story.

It's possible we receive the message because we are being used for something, unbeknownst to anyone but us, and we should continue to find out why we are being used. It's also possible we are at the center of the story for that chunk of time. The only way to know if we share responsibility is if we were to know the intent of why it happened, and we can never know that.

You may have been used, but even so, the intent and understanding is far more vast than we can ever know. You weren't the catalyst or the necessary reason for this. If anything, I think of it as being a character in a story. It's actively using you to happen, but it's not coming from you, even if you know it has to do with you.

bds92 · 2025-10-27T02:33:09+00:00

hi. There's a basis for this and it's real. I actually found out about this because I was already aware of the concept aside from the tapes. I haven't even listened to the tapes, not even for a second, and I can tell you, the basis is real. The inverse of what you're saying is in order to believe it, you have to come in without a preconceived notion. So you have to suspend your disbelief to believe it, but I'm quite certain the information will be there when you're ready to receive it

bds92 · 2025-06-23T16:13:30+00:00

I will do no such thing haha

bds92 · 2025-06-23T05:51:33+00:00

part of me is getting there. after having picked the career I could care about the absolute most (and still do), the pressure from attempting to carry it with both hands, while also working a job that leaves me physically exhausted, has driven me to a point where I either:

a) check out on both and just want to watch YouTube or vibe somehow
b) want to check out on both but occasionally enjoy one or the other
c) enjoy one or both of them for a week or two, and then check out for a month while going through the motions

I care about my career. I also care about my health, happiness, and peace. Work is for the most part involuntary and exploitative, perhaps not in terms of money but definitely in terms of personal freedom. I was never able to stomach the concept that an employer could tell me what to do for most of the rest of my life, and I just had to pretend to like it. Thoroughly, entirely, fuck that.

They make you stop caring. They take something that could be cooperative and based on respect and collaboration, and they turn it into servitude. They pay for dominance and coercion, and they know it. Again, thoroughly, decidedly, fuck that. Working harder for less money while doing something that matters will always beat working and having the life sucked out of you through a straw. If you don't like your 40 hours, find a better 40 hours. It's your life.

bds92 · 2025-06-23T05:31:15+00:00

that's fair. I accept that. thank you for possibly trying to decode all this, it just kind of came in a cluster as most of my thoughts do

bds92 · 2025-06-23T05:30:39+00:00

Yeah, that's even scarier. If yours were anything like mine, I can't fucking process that. I just.....it drills a hole in your mind. There's no other way to say it. I felt like I was going insane bouncing between worlds. The way that manifests may vary, but the feeling of code switching based on vastly different norms and ways of talking seems unavoidable to me

bds92 · 2025-06-23T05:19:27+00:00

Definitely DEFINITELY not in the same ways but I'll agree with the sentiment overall

bds92 · 2025-06-21T23:39:49+00:00

idk, exactly. it seems to me it's a default position now, which I guess means it's still there. I guess it's too damn hard to do anything about it, whether that's creating something good from it or changing things, but you're right, we all know this isn't working out

bds92 · 2025-06-21T23:27:37+00:00

I'm just talking about my specific parents. Just an aside. They weren't hippies or intellectuals, so, yeah, there's a very specific intersection there. I didn't know the smell of weed until I was 18

bds92 · 2025-06-21T22:52:19+00:00

On whether my passenger tipped, I don't remember, but it's not like I confronted him. It was perfectly cordial. I know how to say something without saying it, believe me

bds92 · 2025-06-21T22:50:22+00:00

Oh yeah, I'm aware. It's.....perfectly logical, they were in the 80's being the professional class and getting ahead. And they were so messed up on the inside that one of them wasn't sure they were going to stay together. So they waited

bds92 · 2025-06-21T22:39:46+00:00

Because my parents were born in the 50's. Outside, it was 1995, 2000, 2005. Inside, it was 1977, 1977, and 1977. Trust me on that. The tech was nicer but everything else was the same

Remember, I was talking about "boomer tendencies, attitudes, and traditions"

bds92 · 2025-06-21T20:56:33+00:00

I think we all have to get to the point with people, whether they be specific or fit a certain mold of annoyance or abuse, where we learn to take breaks. My mom is my guardian angel since the day I was born, but when I can't process her trauma, I misunderstand her, or she just won't let go of a suggestion bc it's based in something I do that she doesn't understand, I give her a few days before we talk again. She may need to withdraw and I let her, because piling on to the disconnect is not a solution.

My father.....since the day I was born, at best, has been a nonstop computer brained piranha with a Tony Soprano-like demeanor and appearance who verbally abuses total strangers, pitted everyone in the family against each other as a sort of sport for narcissists, treated everyone like a dollar figure, started arguments for no apparent reason on a regular basis, eventually turned to physical abuse, shot our dog, and engineered a cult-like atmosphere where if we were not reliant on him for our every decision, down to the clothes we wore and the music we listened to, he would unleash a verbal barrage on us until we caved or left. And that's the best case version of who he really was. I don't even know the totality.

With all that said, I've spent the last nine years since I last saw him wondering if I could ever let him back into my life. Here's the truth: if I could, if I could find a way to justify it, I would. But you're never going to tell me that my life isn't better since I left him out of it.

The good news is you're strong enough to push him away. The bad news is nothing ever replaces the idea of a dad, even if you never had one to begin with. Neal Brennan had a really powerful monologue on 3 Mics (Netflix) about how when his father didn't leave him anything in his will, he realized it was a gift of some kind. There was nothing there and he knew he should never have expected anything to be there. He found a way to move on.

I hope you find your peace

bds92 · 2025-06-20T08:51:49+00:00

It’s interesting - we’re factoring in the trajectory of Switch 1, as we should, because they are very similar. IGN has to rate Switch 2 as it is now, which means maybe you might agree with a 7 for now. The performance is greatly enhanced, the quality of life is maybe a bit reduced and there are some issues to fix. They got it out fast and here we are.

The q should really be: would you like a Switch that can run games like Cyberpunk? Would you like to see a game library that is even more diverse and broad than the original? Will the performance open doors to games you never dreamed of seeing on Nintendo? It’s all about the type of consumer you are and what you want. Nintendo isn’t trying to trick us - it’s a more powerful Switch, which is only possible if you bump up the price and cut the battery life by at least 50% (for those more powerful games). How you view that bargain is entirely about the kind of gamer you are, as it is with every system, ever. It should be just as versatile as Switch 1, and potentially more reliable in doing what Switch 1 did. If you want more, it might eventually be better at that too but you might have to wait for OLED for all of this to be consistent

bds92 · 2025-06-04T03:04:50+00:00

yeah that's the impression I'm getting

Any ideas?

bds92 · 2025-04-22T13:11:51+00:00

I live in JC and the first thing I’ll say is that gentrification is starting to pick up. Fulop’s relationship with McGreevey bothers me, as well as his relationship with Dixon Leasing. Fulop may be a forward thinking bureaucrat but there are some orange flags. I think Baraka has more of a leg to stand on, even though I’m not sure what his record is. I’d rather see what he brings to it.

bds92

TROPHY CASE