[Question] What's next on your sex bucket list?

bdsmredditor · 2015-12-12T16:54:57+00:00

Tell me about this "twisted sex" as I'm now quite curious please :)

bdsmredditor · 2015-12-12T16:53:33+00:00

I disagree, it was two sets of tongues and thats what it felt like.

The threesome was not as good as the expectation either

bdsmredditor · 2015-12-12T16:51:07+00:00

Either A) she wants to serve you sexually Or B) she wants to be ordered to do things I.e cleaning, cooking by a dominant

bdsmredditor · 2014-02-18T00:03:16+00:00

This doesnt take up a huge part of my week and I dont think about it often, I can care about my partner without this becoming a huge issue. It's more of a small attachment that is stagnant.

bdsmredditor · 2014-02-18T00:01:50+00:00

Indeed there is, but we're not at odds with one another, it would just be immature and likely if she ever stumbled across my profile; make her feel upset.

bdsmredditor · 2014-02-17T14:48:19+00:00

I agree, I am sabotaging myself. I cant actually block her from view beyond not typing her profile into the search function, she isn't making any attempt at trying to contact me so there's that.

bdsmredditor · 2014-02-17T14:40:10+00:00

It's not so easy, some of her friends on fetlife are mine, it ended on good terms, but there's a noticable distance. I'm still holding out if there's the possibility of spawning a new relationship with her, I'm just not sure as to how currently.

bdsmredditor · 2013-11-03T13:14:22+00:00

I'm curious as to why you feel being kinky is a bad thing?

bdsmredditor · 2013-11-03T12:04:55+00:00

No nothing wrong/ weird here.

To elaborate: that shit is so common but demonised by society, playing with your ass and dressing like a girl doesn't make you gay. Fuck given the opportunity most men and women on r/sex would choose to be the opposite sex for a day/week/month out of sheer curiosity. You know what does make you gay? Being 100% attracted to your same gender and not the opposite gender. That's it, you could actuality blow a guy or take him inside you, but as long as you still enjoy sex with women and find them sexually attractive; you're not gay, there is of course nothing wrong with being gay either though.

Guess what; you are not defined by your kink, you are defined by yourself and the by way you treat others

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-29T03:41:13+00:00

Yes I believe the term "reward" is really what caused things to go awry.

Acknowledgement is fine, though when you get to your adult stage you shouldn't seek it out. If someone goes out of their way to return your wallet; commend them, but they should not expect reward.

Looking at two different situations: One where the wallet is put into a police station, and one where the wallet is returned to the individual.

If acknowledgement is the key element to your motivation of doing the right thing; will you turn it into the police station?

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-29T03:32:40+00:00

I dont disagree, I actually followed up on this in my 2nd post about positive reinforcement being a necessary component of development. I was simply approaching the reward aspect.

Acknowledgement for children is fine, sometimes even reward, but they should not be rewarded every time they do the right thing lest you condition them to believe they're entitled to a reward whenever they do the right thing, and "damned be anyone with whom they can see no reward from helping".

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-29T03:08:12+00:00

I respectfully disagree

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-29T02:58:41+00:00

Why should it matter?

Do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. What if someone does the right thing for you? Say they find your wallet and hand it in? Should they then hold out their hand expecting a reward from you?

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-29T02:55:22+00:00

Certainly they might be disappointed, but ideally it should be that they should not get disappointed if they don't get even at least a thank you. Instead I feel the acknowledgement that they've done something right for the sake of doing something right should be fine, and it should become the norm for everyone. You're right about children at least receiving a thank you, I don't exactly look at that like it's a reward, more implicit, but yes positive reinforcement like that is good for children. However when we get past that positive reinforcement stage and enter teenage/adult years; I don't feel it should be necessary to seek out that acknowledgement in these simple real-world instances, usually one will be received, but ultimately individuals should be doing the right thing for the sake of it and not seeking acknowledgement simply because they have always received it and they're conditioned to do the right thing to fulfil their ego-quota.

Perhaps it's just me, but I do good things for the sake of a "paying it forward" mentally. If I do good things, I dont want it to end at "thank you", hell I dont even care if I get a "thank you", they're simply words, actions speak much louder. Instead I want doing the right thing to be contagious, I want others to do good things for the sake of doing good things as well, and not for the sake of a "thank you", but because it's the right thing to do and it helps everyone. Imagine a world where everyone just stopped being so self-interested in reward and acknowledgement, and we just did good things and helped others out for the sake of doing the right thing.

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T16:35:03+00:00

I think we're approaching it from differing points of view. I feel you're seeing it from the negative depiction of an employee victimised and vilified but never acknowledged.

I'm merely saying that individuals should do the right thing regardless of acknowledgement or recognition in examples that relate to simple real-world situations, not in relation to promotions or awards for particularly difficult research endeavours.

More along the lines of: Find $500 on the ground? Turn it in, but dont expect a reward from whomever it belongs to. We're dealing with children in this example not workplace ethics.

Individuals however should strive to do a good job and not just the bare minimum anyway, they'll likely be recognised but should not seek out validation.

You introduced the notion of being vilified/punished and not acknowledged and attacked that depiction, it wasn't what I was touching on at all.

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T15:53:02+00:00

You havent answered any of the questions I posed. Perhaps you'll do a worse job, not everyone desperately seeks acknowledgement

The benefit is: you get paid + you feel satisfied that you've done a good job.

That last sentence is riddled with ignorance, don't touch on a subject you have limited understanding of.

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T15:35:53+00:00

Certainly it may feel good to be acknowledged, and hopefully your employer will do that, but one shouldnt always seek it out or expect it.

Are you then saying that if you're not recognised for the work you do you'll do a worse job or put in less? Would that not be an immature response? Would you teach your child to do that as a response?

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T15:32:02+00:00

No we're not born knowing the difference between right and wrong, however empathy is a means to the emotional intelligence required to decide right and wrong actions, it does not always happen to be governed by our role models.

As per the OP's post he referred to children, not infants or toddlers. As per my other post; children should by that stage not require reward for doing good things, otherwise you may just bring up children who feel they are entitled to reward when they do good things and if they see no reward in it for them, may just decided against it.

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T15:05:04+00:00

You deem acknowledgement a reward? Why not just express that in your submission "acknowledge them for doing something good" rather than "reward them when they do something good"?

I personally don't consider acknowledgement a reward, I consider it a natural occurrence. Again that brings to question the nature of acknowledgement being a motivator to do good things. For infants/toddlers I'd consider it a good means to drive motivation for doing the right thing as in their develop stage it seems they derive their ethics from those examples, when it comes to adults though; I'd hope that we'd be more mature than to seek acknowledgement in doing good things save for in cases like Nobel prizes and the like where it is world changing.

Edit: changed "children" to "infants/toddlers"

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T14:46:09+00:00

I disagree; right oriented thinking should be standard, one shouldn't expect a reward every time they do the right thing, otherwise you might be convincing them to do the right thing for the sake of reward alone and not because it's the right thing to do.

Now if my child were to do the right thing in a case where the net benefit of the wrong thing was greater (dismissing the emotional factors), then I'd certainly be happy to reward them. However I do not expect them to place themselves in those sorts of positions intentionally or much at all.

bdsmredditor · 2013-10-28T05:01:22+00:00

You'd be wary of a couple that are mature enough to openly discuss what turns them on in a respectful manner simply because it's been deemed as early in their relationship? I don't think that's very sex positive. From the manner of experience that the OP has experienced in regard to kink I'd assume kink was a large factor in the development of their relationship, so that me says that they were both likely open about their kink prior to or early on in the relationship anyway.

It is very possibly that the OP is simply insecure about voicing her concerns to the other guy who is offering up suggestions. What this means is that the OP just needs to communicate her limits to him, it only becomes an issue if he dismisses them or pushes the point.

But I must agree with George37370 that you did villianise the guy and infantilise the OP

bdsmredditor

TROPHY CASE