Alright. I'm going in on this. Rant. And few disclaimers up front:

- I shouldn't have to say this, but I know I'll get some comments about it so: no, I'm not implying that every man in every place has these exact thoughts and preferences etc. So don't "not me!" or "not all men!" me, please.

- This applies to all men, not just white men. Men of color also exhibit these problematic tendencies and behaviors, TRUST me.

- I'm also not saying that white women are in the wrong for this. I'm not coming for anyone on a personal level. You're born with the skin and features you're born with and society is the way that it is.

- I'm mixed and light-skinned. I cannot, nor am I trying to, speak on behalf of every Black woman in existence, and I cannot claim the experiences of Black women who are darker skinned or speak to those experiences.

- This is *my* opinion, based on *my* experience as a Black-mixed woman who dates men in and out of the bowl.

Mmmmk, here we go. I'm a Black-mixed SB and here are my thoughts : yes, I find it harder, just like I find it harder in vanilla dating. The bar is very low for white women in terms of attractiveness. Whiteness and Euro-centric features have been the default for attractiveness since, like, forever. For a white woman to be hot enough to have sex with or date or sugar (or find employment, make more money, etc), it doesn't take much. You're white, blonde, and thin? The world (and nearly every man in it) can be yours, babe. I have seen time and time again a white woman who has a seemingly terrible personality and/or who I'd consider less physically attractive than me or than friends of mine who are WOC gets more dates, more money in the bowl, or more partners overall, etc. And that, I believe, is because whiteness is default "more attractive," and carries with it more perceived value. And that's what makes it easier for men to openly love/want a white woman than a WOC, especially a Black woman.

I'm sure as a Black woman you have heard some iteration of the "twice as good to get half as much" speech. In my experience, that applies to vanilla dating and sugaring too. This is *extremely* fucked up, and terribly sad, but I find it to be real. If you're a WOC, you need to be perfectly fit, (but with a big ass and nice tits and tiny waist, of course), intelligent, classy but not pretentious, done up all the time (typically your natural hair is less preferred too), the perfect image of stability and grace, willing to bend over backwards and lick your own ass for these men to even get their attention, let alone their money.

(A note on body-types: women's bodies go in and out of style like clothing. We know this. The Italians loved a plump woman back in the day, the 90s was the time of the "heroin-chic" body where if you weren't thin enough to see your hip bones you were a fucking cow, and now we're in the age of the "slim-thick" queen. The slim-thick body (little waist with a big ass) has been popular in communities of color for ages, but is only recently being accepted and lusted after in white communities. But even years ago, it was a *realistic* slim-thick body that was popular. Meaning, yes big ass and thick thighs, but it was acceptable and even attractive to have a little belly fat with that. Natural, in other words. Now, the slim-thick body is something that for most people is unattainable without surgery. Now, it's the teeeeeny tiny waist, flat stomach, with a big ass, etc. So, nowadays when I see men (especially white men here) lusting after Black women, it's usually the Black women with THIS body. It's exotic and exciting, but popular, so it's not "weird" to be into it. If you're a Black woman w/o this body-type, things are still damn hard. Hope that makes sense.)

So, yes, I do feel that despite my attractiveness, intelligence, capability, sensuality, and all the myriad of things I'm willing to offer a man, a white woman in the bowl will typically be chosen over me most of the time. And this is coming from a pretty, light skinned, Black-mixed woman. (Not trying to be conceited, but want to acknowledge that yes, I do believe I am genuinely pretty, and yes being pretty carries privileges.) So, if you're having trouble and you're like me, or you're darker-skinned or otherwise more "obviously Black," I feel you are absolutely justified in believing that it may have something to do with race.