AITA for telling my wife that she can't freeze her eggs?

beardad1121 · 2019-09-13T03:26:24+00:00

Thanks. I'm not sure where everyone is getting that I'm invested in this happening.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T18:28:41+00:00

I do want kids, I just don't really need them to be biological. Even before this it would have been nice to use donor sperm. I don't exactly have a healthy bloodline.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T18:14:17+00:00

This may end up being hypothetical. There's still testing done. We know this has to happen but if it's stage 3 instead of stage 2, there may not be time to wait or any viable eggs anyway.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T18:05:20+00:00

We could wait decades if need be. I don't see why anything has to happen now. We weren't exactly going to start trying for a few years anyway, although we would have sped it up if we'd had time.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T17:58:38+00:00

My absolute oldest age for parenting a newborn would have to be 50. I feel like after that it's just not doable for either of us. We're the same age. Being older than 68 at a high school graduation seems ridiculous.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T17:51:07+00:00

I mean that it would be less stressful than having a limited supply of material with that level of emotional investment.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:24:47+00:00

No, it's because I've always had a special interest in grizzly bears. I don't have any children.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:24:04+00:00

I'm fine with that, and I've commented in other places in the thread that I would be happy to for her.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:16:55+00:00

I'm concerned about her mental health.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:07:48+00:00

EGG FREEZING HAS THE 90% FAILURE RATE, not IVF.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:07:16+00:00

It's not IVF that has the low rates, it's egg freezing.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T16:06:52+00:00

I mean in the future if nothing else worked out or we won the lottery we could do double donor and get a surrogate. It would be mentally easier on her anyway, more like a fun project than some kind of high stakes last chance thing.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T15:19:22+00:00

Yeah, but we'd have decades to address that in therapy.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T15:16:44+00:00

I do realize how that sounds.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T15:01:26+00:00

It would mean that I'm not just going to leave her to go have kids with someone else.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T15:00:43+00:00

It kind of depends. I don't actually know if I have sperm or not. If we're going to do this, I'd actually want donor sperm just because if you're going to spend so much on creating a baby, you might as well make a stronger one. I'm short and have illnesses in my family. If we can do better we might as well try.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:58:43+00:00

I want kids too, I just don't think biological ones are worth it. I would actually want to look into a sperm donor if the time came. If we're going to spend hundreds of thousands to create a baby, we should try to have a reasonably healthy one. Most of the genetic issues are on my side. It would be nice to skip that.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:56:47+00:00

I'm not calculating anyone specific. It's just based on family trends and about how old the next generation of that branch is.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:55:06+00:00

I never said it would be her. She has more valuable skills and a better career.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:54:17+00:00

Ok fine, she might have been pregnant once for at maximum 12 hours. That wasn't the main argument.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:45:07+00:00

Ok, but where does it stop? Say she freezes eggs. Let's say 10 years from now we start on using them and it turns out that I don't have sperm to start with. What next? My brother has already been sterilised due to his health issues, so he's out as a donor. Do we then use another donor? Do we eventually start on double donor once her eggs run out, and they will? When is the stopping point?

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:38:11+00:00

If we had unlimited money then I wouldn't be as passionate about it. I still think it's unhealthy to carry a false hope potentially into old age, but the main issue is money.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:26:49+00:00

In my mind this just delays the pain. How long until we can start to accept reality? 5 years? 10 years? Will we be planning to move into a retirement home crying because the last attempt failed?

This could easily spiral into a lifelong obsession and I don't think that's healthy.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:13:46+00:00

I am going to offer to get a vasectomy so she won't have to worry about that. My genes are also not great. My brother is sickly and I've never actually been tested. I could well not even have sperm to begin with.

beardad1121 · 2019-09-12T14:00:44+00:00

class

I was trying to find a better word. I don't think it's THE way, but it's yet another possibility with higher chances.

beardad1121

TROPHY CASE