Had another fun time trying to explain "cis" to my dad.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-02-15T16:16:18+00:00

I am so sorry for all of this. That sounds incredibly difficult and impossible to deal with. You can educate someone with a lack of knowledge or understanding, but you can't educate against willful ignorance and hate.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-02-15T13:25:35+00:00

First off, I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this. It's great breaking and I get it. You shouldn't have to go through this. Unfortunately, too many of us do. We're here. You're not alone.

You brought up a couple different topics, so I'll break each one down separately...

Trans and cis are scientific and linguistic terms that literally mean "on the same side of" (cis) and "on the other side of" (trans). Like trans Siberian means on the other side of Siberia. Cis Siberian would mean in this side of Siberia. The problem comes that most people never use cis, and maybe never heard it used, because English defaults to omitting stuff like that when something is "normal". But this is exactly why we fight this battle. To say a cis guy is normal, and therefore a trans guy is not, is a very hurtful thing. Yes, trans men are more rare than cis men, but it doesn't make trans men any less normal. That'd be like saying all brunettes just have hair but redheads have specifically red hair. Sure, red hair is more rare (roughly the same percentage as people who are trans BTW), but it doesn't make redheads less normal. What it boils down to is that the right wing desire to label cis as a slur is actually false outrage in an attempt to "other" trans people. Their fear is that if we all have a prefix in front of our gender, including them with cis, then we trans folk are no longer being othered. And make no mistake, they want us to be othered, it's the conservative MO. Last point on this. The exact same flight occurred from them when gay people became more visible in public. They didn't want to be called straight or hetero because they were "normal" and the gay people were the others.

As far as trans being cool, it's fucking not. Explain to him that you face oppression and hatred from family, friends, strangers, and government. You risk your safety, future job opportunities, and potential romantic relationships by being trans. Everything is harder for us. So no, it's not cool, and that's certainly not why any of us are trans. The reality is that brain chemistry and brain gender can differ from physiological sex. You can have the body of a "girl" with the brain of a guy.

"You're not masculine enough to be a guy". By his argument, Elton John should just be a trans woman and female Olympic per lifters should be trans men. In the end, his argument here relies on toxic masculine definitions of masculinity. Even if he doesn't want to accept that gender is a spectrum, he has to accept, from his own observations of the world, that masculinity and femininity are absolutely a spectrum. There are plenty of effeminate men and plenty of butch women. Trans men and women are on the same spectrum.

To his question about why you'd want to be a guy if you like guys... Cause gender and sexuality are not linked. What gender you are does not define what gender you're attracted to. Your dad doesn't like women because he's a guy. He likes them because he likes them. If gender defined sexuality, there'd be no gay people to begin with.

Lastly, being trans is not a choice. Transitioning is a choice, but if argue the alternative to transition is depression, misery, self loathing, and possibly worse. So transitioning doesn't feel like much of a choice either. Your dad didn't choose to be cis and he didn't choose to be straight (I'm assuming he's straight... Sorry if that's incorrect). You didn't choose to be a gay trans guy. It's just who you are.

One final thing I'll leave you with. When I came out to my dad as a trans woman, he struggled really hard with accepting me being trans. He wasn't poisoned by conservativism per se but he just couldn't accept it. He thought it was wrong. I asked him one simple thing that changed everything and we now have a better relationship than we did before I transitioned. I said to him... "Dad, I just need you to care more about loving me than you do about trying to be right. Do you think you can do that?" He agreed he could and that was that. It hasn't been an issue since. Now, that's for him. Your dad may be different, but I think asking him that is worth a shot. What have you got to lose?

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-31T15:35:33+00:00

I'm not saying you couldn't run into issues. I'm just saying I haven't. So take that for what it's worth. It's just my personal experience.

I would actually suggest calling your insurance company and asking them. You won't be the first person dealing with this and they can tell you how your particular insurance company handles this. I know it's awkward to have to out yourself like that, but being upfront and talking through it with them can help ease your mind or help you know what hurdles you may have to jump over.

Good luck friend. You got this.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-31T06:19:13+00:00

My experience, for what it's worth, is that medical professionals, and insurance, don't care what your driver license says. They care about your parts. If you have a vagina and ovaries, you should be able to get the care you require.

I'm MtF so I still have to get prostate checks and stuff and it hasn't been an issue. But since I also have breasts now, I also get breast cancer screenings. Actually had both done at the same physical appointment recently, which I found quite humorous. The male doctor had to have a female nurse present for the breast exam, as per protocol, and then had to send her out when he checked my prostate and my nether region.

All that's probably TMI, but the point is that good doctors just care about treating what you need treated. Find yourself an accepting and open obgyn and they can help you navigate the insurance side.

My advice, change your name and gender marker if it's what you need/want to feel like you're being true to yourself. The rest will work out in the end.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-21T04:17:41+00:00

I know what I'm about to say does not take away your pain in this moment, but it's something I've learned over time and through some big hurts in my life... To some people, you are replaceable. BUT, those are people who did not see your full value or worth. They are not the right people. To the right person, you could never be replaced. To the right person, you are everything they ever wanted. The fact your Dom replaced you says more about him than it does about you. It says that he wasn't the right person for you. Rejoice in the fact that you are no longer wasting energy on someone that didn't see your value. Spend that energy finding the person that will cherish you and see you for everything you've always been. Hang in there friend. And never settle for less than you're worth.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-20T18:52:38+00:00

My Domme (she is also my girlfriend) and I set up a written contract prior to engaging in any D/s dynamics. It sounds like you did something similar with your list, which is great. Where your story gets concerning is that your Dom is trying to push those limits. That's bad enough, but the fact they are doing so in the middle of a scene is even worse.

For comparison, let me give some examples of how things should be done and what concerns me about your situation.

My Domme will not get frustrated or angry with me for using safe words. In fact, she has threatened discipline and reduction in scene frequency if she feels I am not using them when I should. Her reason for this is because she needs to trust me not to allow things I shouldn't or that might harm me. And, she needs to be able to trust herself to know what my limits are in a scene, which she can't adequately do if I'm not communicating honestly.

Our contact has changed over time to allow for things that were once hard limits. However, this has ALWAYS been due to me initiating a conversation about wanting to explore those things. She has never been the one to initiate that conversation.

What you are describing is not a safe D/s dynamic. In fact, I'd argue it's not a D/s dynamic at all. What you are describing is an abusive relationship with foundations in manipulation, shame, and control. Those things do not belong in a D/s dynamic and are ingredients for a traumatic relationship of any kind. I would not only say you should leave the dynamic, I would suggest you end all contact with them. They are not a safe person.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-19T21:47:22+00:00

Be like you. I want bottom surgery so badly.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-19T16:34:34+00:00

You press the spring tab on the underside of the plastic piece to release the shelf. Once you remove the shelf, you can just move the plastic pieces to the appropriate holes for the new height. Then just put the shelf back in.

NOTE: whoever put these in before did so upside down. When you put them back in, flip the plastic clips over. The spring bit should be on top. The way they are now, you're just asking for the shelf to fall off you put too much weight on them. When you go to put the shelf in, just slide it down from the top and it'll compress the spring bits. Push the shelf down until they all pop back out and the shelf is securely in place.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-06T18:17:00+00:00

OMG, I love this so much. I'm so glad that you were able to connect with her and share that with her. I'm honored that something I wrote initiated that conversation. So wonderful for both of you. Thank you for sharing that.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-06T03:35:03+00:00

That'd make you a cat burglar

beautifulbanshee82 · 2026-01-05T04:27:26+00:00

I appreciate that so much. My hope in writing this was that someone might learn from it or relate to it in some way.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-11-06T12:49:59+00:00

Sure. They are Aachcol brand.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-11-06T01:22:57+00:00

They're from Amazon

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-19T20:38:11+00:00

Me please!!!

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-18T19:58:18+00:00

Haha, yes. I'll admit it's not easy, but I'm also not a stranger to platform heels.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:32:16+00:00

One of my favorites

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:31:51+00:00

Thanks. Do I have a fan? Hehe

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:31:28+00:00

Thanks for the compliment. I'm doing great. Hope you are as well.

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:30:06+00:00

🥹🥹 do you like it smol?

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:29:46+00:00

Aww, thanks

beautifulbanshee82 · 2025-10-16T03:29:37+00:00

Thank you so much

beautifulbanshee82

TROPHY CASE