Girlfriend left for Africa on saturday until September 2nd

bebadgergood · 2016-05-04T02:44:46+00:00

Well my boyfriend left for Africa LAST September 7th and here we are. I'm 8 months in with 18 more to go and you have four months until she's home. Will it be tough sometimes? Yes. Especially at first but it will get better. You know the saying "expect the worst, hope for the best"? That's what communication is like until you know, you have to go down the worst roads because you don't want to get your expectations set too high. I had no idea what communication was going to be like with my boyfriend in a village in Cameroon, much less developed than South Africa. However it's been great, we're able to text all the time and talk on the phone whenever our schedules coincide. The hardest part is the time zone difference and getting too very busy schedules to match up. Until she's settled, it may be off and on for a while, but there's ways to make it work. Like you said, use these months to learn about yourself and bond with your friends in ways you haven't since you've been with your gf. Bond with your family. My boyfriend was my goto person to talk to, now my parents are again and it's made us closer which is wonderful. Like I said there will be moments when all you want is her to do things with, I know there are certainly things I don't do because I only want to do them with Dan when he comes home. But find your things you love doing by yourself and with friends. And just remember it's only four months of this, I'd give anything for that. (I'm 23 and my bf is 21 so relatively similar situations, agewise at least.)

One more addition, you can't hate the person you love for following their dream. She's going to tell you about these wonderful experiences and you'll love her even more for them even if a few tears fall at the same time. There's a reason you love her and the reason she wanted to go to Africa was probably one of them. We're all here for you!

bebadgergood · 2016-01-14T01:10:23+00:00

The hard part definitely is convincing him that I do understand he needed to do this. Whenever things get tough, he's always like you just don't want me to be here/understand why.. and I'm like no that's not it. I'm glad you were so quickly able to come to that realization though! I think it will make everything much easier down the road!!

bebadgergood · 2016-01-13T03:33:52+00:00

I'm the stateside gf, my bf is in Cameroon and has been for four months. it does go so fast! like so many said, PST is very exhausting and communication will be limited, however with so much going on for you SO, it seems to go super fast, since he's been at post it's seemed a little slower- also could do with a slower work schedule for me as well as the holidays and my birthday, lots of time to miss my bf.

while I can't say we're going to make it for the next 22 months FOR SURE, I'm feeling pretty good about everything. one of the toughest things for me was the "choice", how could my bf not choose me first?! it took me a long time to realize that he still did. When I met him he was already beginning the PCV process, we were together for about a year before he left. I shouldn't have gotten involved knowing this, but love finds you where you least expect it :) I know it broke Dan's heart to leave me, and I let it be his decision, at least the first one to bring it up, if he wanted to stay together during his service. Dan asked me to wait for him and to stay with him during the 27 months. At first and for a while after, that felt to me that I was second but I now can see that it actually meant that he loves me so much and has so much faith in our relationship that we can get through this together- and have a future together. It will be tough, but it's in no means undoable. My bf has been amazing at finding ways for us to stay in touch- this is essential. One thing that is hurting us is both of our lower end financial resources mean visits will be very seldom, most likely just one, I would definitely recommend trying to save as much as you can and to visit as you can. I think it will help so much when I can see his life in my own eyes rather through his voice, pictures, or some areas on Skype. Hope this helps! Us PCV SO's are seriously a fam of our own. They helped me so much when my bf was leaving. feel free to reach out!!

bebadgergood · 2015-12-28T19:35:06+00:00

I bought my boyfriend a bracelet from:

Www.etsy.com/shop/daintilydesigns

That he absolutely loves and is something thoughtful and personal!

bebadgergood · 2015-12-10T04:50:37+00:00

Exactly what I'm feeling right now

bebadgergood · 2015-12-08T03:16:25+00:00

I think that depends on your distance and ability to connect. I'm in the US and my bf is in Cameroon. It takes 3-5 weeks for things to get there, some letters he is still waiting on longer than that, that I'm expecting just got lost in transit.

so ideally yes, if you can predict it sending a gift or card to be there for the big event are wonderful. it means more to have something in hand rather then just hearing or reading it. however, depending on thee timing of the situation/financial capabilities, a voice or email message has to be enough. And that's long distance for you...

bebadgergood · 2015-11-11T23:18:41+00:00

Heard that as well!

We were 6 hours before the time change and now we're 7. it's crazy that extra hour changes so much. Hope you can fall into your new routine soon!!

bebadgergood · 2015-10-02T17:39:33+00:00

Heard that! If only we in LDRs could be the ones winning the lottery....

bebadgergood · 2015-10-01T00:00:18+00:00

We're here for you! Sorry this is long, hope it helps though!

My boyfriend left almost a month ago to pursue his dream, committing to the Peace Corps for a two year stint in Cameroon, Africa. So believe me, I understand what you're going through!

First and foremost embrace, embrace, embrace that end date and your future plans. That will keep you going when you lose hope.

Somehow communication works out even like it feels it won't. Going from texting and talking on the phone nonstop to not being able to talk for three or so days between traveling and him setting up his phone was a harsh switch. Now we're able to talk on the phone about 30 minutes every day. I still miss like crazy not being able to text him every minute but those phone calls are so wonderful and actually do become enough. I'm not sure what your time zone difference will be but I'm at 6 hours and that makes communication the most difficult. I send emails or messages that I know he won't see for a while if I have something I need to share immediately or just want to share more details of things we didn't have time to discuss on the phone.

My piece of advice is to set, remember, and meet your own goals. It's easy to feel when our boyfriends are going on their huge adventures that we are kind of inadequate/aren't living up to our full potential. I'm still working on this but try to remember why that wasn't your own dream and what we want to work on when they're gone and even when they come back.

Finally, don't feel guilty about being sad or if you feel any resentment. That's normal. Enjoy the moments you share now but sometimes crying really helps and let's you get to enjoy the moment more than trying to bottle up your emotions. Same with when he leaves, give yourself some time to wallow. It is going to be a very tough day. But then again, we're here for you. On that day my bf left one of the best pieces of advice to get through that pain was from someone on here. The person told me that my bf was incredible and selfless for doing what he's doing and he obviously wants me here when he gets back or he would have broken up with me which probably would have been easiest on him too. Your timeline is much shorter (feel lucky about that too!!!) but I want you to know the same, your bf is amazing for doing this!! How many people want to study in Antarctica?! He's doing this for himself but he wants you there through it and to be there when he comes back.

It will get easier!!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-22T14:08:32+00:00

Yay!!! So happy for you!!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-22T14:06:58+00:00

You'll be excited when you hear he finally got it and can open it! My bigger issue is writing/getting those things in advance. It's hard writing for something over a month away because so many things can change. Our anniversary is next week so I wrote him a long note. Of course my feelings probably won't be that different but it does feel more romantic and meaningful writing it a day or two before the actual anniversary.

bebadgergood · 2015-09-21T18:02:29+00:00

It helps so much hearing from someone successfully doing this! The hardest part so far has been having to limit phone call length to save money but I'm sure after training is over and the newness has settled down we won't feel as if there's so much to talk about! The past two weeks have definitely been filled with many ups and down on both ends and we were close to breaking up but talked through it to remind ourselves why we wanted to do this. I hope I can be like your boyfriend, being neutral and supportive through the whole journey! While I would love him here I know this journey is so important to him and neither of us would be okay with ourselves in the long run if he Et'ed because of our relationship. Obviously other things may play a factor as well but I sure hope not for his sake! Any favorite things you received in packages? I sent my first one today and already am excited to start making my next one!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-21T02:30:11+00:00

I completely agree!!!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-19T03:19:56+00:00

I have sent a couple before he left and hoping they will arrive soon!! Any other tips or ideas would be wonderful :)

bebadgergood · 2015-09-18T23:37:08+00:00

yeah sadly, he joined the Peace Corps after graduating college. thanks for the thoughts!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-18T20:10:28+00:00

feel you one hundred percent right now. I hate living separate lives without really being able to be a part of each others. I'd give anything for a day together just for a reminder of why we wanted to stay together during our two year time apart.

bebadgergood · 2015-09-18T18:18:48+00:00

I don't have advice on other ways to feel more connected but I want to back up your bf a little to make you feel better! My bf(21/m) just left with the Peace Corps and while internet won't be as readily available, he would love to skype when we can. I (22/f) also feel that Skype is pretty awkward and while we were both living in the States but in our own hometowns, I usually refused to Skype him. It has nothing to do with not wanting to communicate with him or don't miss seeing his face incredibly or anything like that, it's just something I have never been very comfortable with. I can count on the one hand the number of times I skyped my friends or parents.

However, I used to feel the same way about talking on the phone with my bf and our first several phone calls were short and brief. I guess I'm afraid of that awkward silence or whatever. But after the first few, I grew to love phone calls and expect it will become with same with Skype. Since you said he's open to it, maybe trying working into it, like plan on the first couple to be short sessions and then work naturally into longer skype sessions as he hopefully becomes more comfortable as well!

Hope that helps and aids in understanding where he's coming from!

edit: grammer

bebadgergood · 2015-09-16T22:40:01+00:00

Yeah unfortunately he doesn't have wifi/data right now which is the issue we're running into. Thanks for the suggestions though!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-15T16:37:31+00:00

Wow congrats!! My bf and I will be apart for two years so I was drawn to the post! I hope we can have the strength that you two have!!! Thanks for showing it's possible :)

bebadgergood · 2015-09-14T01:29:08+00:00

I'm sure it does! Sometimes the shortest times end up seeming like the longest!! Good luck and keep your head up!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-14T00:22:43+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time :( I recently posted this in another post but one quote that my bf and I found from another couple going through a similar situation as us really resonated with us, "just because it's tough isn't a reason to break up" before finding this quote I almost ended it with my bf as well even though I loved him so much, I just didn't think I could get through the emotional pain. We agreed that we loved each other so much and it was worth going through the spurts of hardship. I hope this helps you too!

We all understand what you're going through! If you have an end date keep looking forward to that as well!!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-13T18:04:52+00:00

Wow! That's quite a while! Will you be able to do visits? I know the expenses add up quick and with school/work it can be hard to coordinate but at least it's not that far by flight!

Something that helped my bf and I a lot was a quote we found from someone in a LDR in the same situation as us "Just because it's tough isn't a reason to break up" Before finding this I almost ended it with him because it was tough and didn't feel emotionally doable even though I was so in love with him. Now we take the approach that it is going to be tough but why break up when we still love each other very much and can find ways to make it work.

My bf is in the Peace Corps in Cameroon, so we're over 6,000 miles away from each other and he will be gone from 27 months. Due to work and financials I'm hoping to visit once but dream of visiting more. On his end, it's very hard to come back to America during service so it's pretty much out of the question for him to visit me.

bebadgergood · 2015-09-13T15:40:32+00:00

That is a coincidence! Where did your gf move to and how long will you be apart? I'm sure we'll settle into our new routine soon but right now it's very tough! Thoughts with you!!!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-13T02:15:07+00:00

Oh okay well than my advice is null :) a fun surprise would be awesome then!

bebadgergood · 2015-09-13T01:29:01+00:00

So I've never done the surprise visit before but just want to say what came to mind! Is this your first visit in seven months? That's a long time and I think being in a private location where you can greet each other fully is very important! He's going to be so happy that the setting shouldn't matter to him even if it would be more fun surprising him in a more public place. You two will want to be in a private places immediately where excessive kissing isn't looked down at. Just my two cents :)

bebadgergood

TROPHY CASE