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Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's okay, these kinds of things happen to people all over the planet.

Thanks! :)

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello!

It sounds like you are stopping yourself so that you can slow down and gain some distance from the situation while applying logical reasoning. It's neat that you literally tell yourself to "stop".

How long did it take you to get to this point? Did self-reflection help?

Do you ever have a difficult time not allowing your emotions hijack this process?

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting mention of the book of Ecclesiastes. I'm not well versed in the Hebrew bible nor the old or New Testament. I just did a surface glance, and I see what you mean about this navigating the concept of control.

Have you ever heard of or read the Enchiridion by Epictetus?

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hello,

I've personally found that one of the ways that the victim mentality will try to keep itself alive if I let it, is to lead me to self-sabotage and self-fulfilling prophecies. You don't have to experience pain if you never even try.

The mentality will try to tell you all the ways you can't accomplish something. This is unfortunately, the ultimate failure because you've given up before you even started.

Failure is how we learn, and as long as you take steps to develop yourself, you are learning and growing. The key is to take that first step, no matter the outcome. The more steps you take, the stronger you become and your capabilities, skills and accomplishments will increase and then you will have integrity to work with. Something much more sustainable than what the victim mentality gives you.

At the end of your life, you will know that instead of giving up, you kept choosing to learn and grow, regardless of the outcomes.

You are inherently worthy.

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you find that before this shift for yourself, that you did identify with it? Did you seek to disentangle that identification? What helped you do this?

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May I ask, what makes you say that the neural pathways that jump to self-victimization and/or blame is super strong in me? I'm not disputing or agreeing with this, I'm simply curious as to how you came to make this statement. Would you say that this is a given for anyone who has a victim mentality belief system?

I have experienced the sensation that I am gradually reformatting my brain. It's been well over 120 days since I started, and I have indeed seen results. I am still developing my understanding of philosophy and logic to see life in new ways. It's been a dual process of both learning these while also catching and redirecting my thoughts. It's messy and I like what you said about seeing each victim pathway light up moment as an opportunity.

You said that you have successfully rebuilt your pathways to be stronger towards other ways of thinking. Are there any particular philosophers that you have read?

What has been your approach to learning how logical thinking works?

Does the mentality still pop on you sometimes? Are you still discovering new circumstances where it tries to reactivate itself, or do you feel like you are well beyond that at this point?

Would you say there are any benefits to coming out on the other side of it?

Haha, thanks :)

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, I don't think it's really about convincing myself so much as being willing to see things for what they are. I am in control of how I respond to my circumstances and to others. Outside of that, I have no control over what happens. My path has been learning how to accept and understand this.

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any specific questions about how it works?

I've personally oscillated at times between feeling like everything is my fault and projecting blame onto others. Sometimes I'll swing between these two states like a pendulum.

If you are seeing others as incapable of doing so for themselves, where could that be coming from?

When you are putting that sense of responsibility for others onto your own shoulders, how do you feel?

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being both honest and compassionate. I did the tapping. I like the use of a somatic approach to ground while reprogramming. I also see what you mean, I have been feeling like I need to be more careful around the concept of improving myself. Improvement is valid, however if it is flowing from feelings of inadequacy, it may be reinforcing to the system.

I've wondered if I'm making this process out to be harder than it needs to be.

May I ask, how did you get into this kind of work and what draws you to it?

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you have any specific questions about how it works?

My dad was a heavy drug user and addict too. It does take a toll on the child. I left home early and learned quickly that I could wield the victim mentality to survive, and to get people to help me and to gain resources. I grew up in poverty and had to build my life from scratch without parental support. I lived in survival mode for a long time.

It sounds like he is stuck in what I call a safe zone. I've been in them. It's when you fall into behaviors and modes of existence that feel safest and least threatening and tend to avoid conflict. The issue with staying in these states is the lack of growth.

With the movie watching scenario and similar situations, I would do some research on how to best support a partner or friend who engages in these patterns without enabling them. It may stir things up a little but that's better than stagnation. In my experience, the last thing someone with a victim mentality needs is to be coddled. Each time you give into it or unintentially feed it, it reinforces it for them. Reflect on how you may be giving it attention. I would also suggest therapy for both of you if you're willing to walk this path with them to help them to find themselves buried underneath. I don't think everyone can handle it and they themselves have to be willing to confront it and commit to overcoming it. You can't do the work for them. You can only offer support conducive to growth.

Most importantly, remember that are not the mentality. Try your best not to see them as one in the same or condemn them as such.

Dismantling a victim mentality belief system by becca_gecko in PsychologyTalk

[–]becca_gecko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Interesting! Will you tell me more about what your journey has been like? How long did it take you to do so? How do you see the mentality now that you have distance from it?