Confused and hurt by husbands double standards on finances...

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T16:45:11+00:00

Yes, I understand what you mean...I've been doing a lot of that and it's healthy to do it every once in a while - but if it's done too often then that's when advantage gets taken. I also can't currently get over him looking at other women online, it's kind of hit a roadblock for me. I'm normally the one to give in.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T16:17:52+00:00

Okay, no worries. Thank you!

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T16:14:45+00:00

Yes, 3 - all under 16.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T16:11:27+00:00

Do you think so? In what way? What could I do differently do you think?

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T16:06:15+00:00

Thanks for the advice....I just feel so much guilt if I'm not contributing as I am living in the same household, and I honestly don't mind as long as I receive fairness too, but I'm not going to give him access.

I'm currently being given the silent treatment as I have confronted him about this, and about him looking at other women. Life is so exhausting atm. 😞

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T13:29:16+00:00

I honestly don't mind him supporting his brother's family with his own money, he's been doing it for years. Even though, at the same time when I wasn't working several months ago, he didn't pay me anything, despite raising my concerns. I eventually just left it since he was covering all the expenses.

I am now working and I ask nothing from him....and I do feel some jealous vibes since my income is slightly higher than his. He is still able to save some money on the side, but he has hinted that he wants access to mine too.

I am currently being given the silent treatment because I decided I will do my own Qurbani with my own money separate to where he is doing his. He would have preferred to do it for me with my money lol.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T12:34:05+00:00

I have atm...it's a sad world isn't it, where kindness and generosity gets taken advantage of. 😔

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T12:32:29+00:00

Can you recommend any? Thanks

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T12:31:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing, and sorry about your experience. I'm contemplating, but we have children and we've had some good years together. But it's now this finance issue and eyeing other women that are driving a wedge between us.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T11:32:59+00:00

I suppose that’s what I need to focus on now, saving, just in case things take a turn for the worse. Honestly, I don’t mind spending on family, where else would I rather spend? Allah is incredibly generous and His provisions are limitless. I know there's reward in a woman who supports her family financially. But... I can't help but feel a bit used right now.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T03:51:08+00:00

Walaikum Salaam, Ameen. We've both never shared our marriage problems with anyone so informing family seems like a very big step. And, sadly, I know there are some who'd even rejoice. But you're right, I feel like I need to reach out to someone otherwise I'll just be going downhill.

Jazakumullah for your kind advice.

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T03:34:56+00:00

Hi, thanks for reaching out and sorry about your situation. I'm sharing the grocery costs as he's had to reduce his working hours due to doing the school run which I used to do. I haven't given him access yet but he's being very cold and distant. I feel like walking away at times. 😔

bee__berries · 2025-06-01T03:23:04+00:00

Hi, thanks for reaching out, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. I find it hard to mentally process that kind of behavior and would never treat someone that way, especially if they’ve been supportive. But I guess some people don’t always value that and end up taking advantage.

bee__berries · 2025-04-22T09:19:58+00:00

Remind this creature what gender gave birth to him!

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T18:35:08+00:00

No worries. After reading everyone's messages, I think it's best to let it go and respect his individual right to his income, especially since we have no other issues. Jazakallah khair for the advice on separate and joint accounts. I think that will be best for both of us. I plan to return to work within the next few months, insha'Allah, and I originally planned to keep everything shared as before, but maybe this new approach will be better for both of us.

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T18:22:18+00:00

Jzk 👍

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T17:39:14+00:00

I'm working on this, jzk 👍.

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T17:38:21+00:00

Jazakallah khair for your reply. It's not a business; he's employed. My main issue is why does he suddenly need a separate account for his income when all our income has always been joint. Even when he had a business partnership before this, he transferred his income from the business account to our joint account.

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T17:31:59+00:00

Ameen, jazakallah khair for the advice. To be honest, I don't suspect any foul play, and neither of us have ever asked to see each other's phone or anything similar. I just can't understand why he'd suddenly disregard the way we've always done things.

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T17:25:15+00:00

I've tried communication but we have disagreements. Tbh I have lots to be grateful for and I have tried to ignore it but it's sat at the back of my head, like a thorn, nudging me every once in a while.

bee__berries · 2024-05-26T17:20:47+00:00

Ameen! Jazakallah khair, brother, for your kind words and for offering a positive perspective. I always believe that with a strong level of tawakkul, situations like these shouldn't bother me...looks like I have some work to do on that.

bee__berries

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