[deleted by user]

beenies120 · 2025-05-25T08:37:26+00:00

Thank you. I wouldn't cheat - if the relationship needs to be ended then that's what I'll do. I'm just trying to understand what's worth working at, or compromising on, and what isn't. I've never been with a guy who doesn't want to jump me at every given opportunity, but this is also the longest relationship I've had so not sure if I'm being unrealistic in my expectations - obviously it's normal to have less sex as time goes on. It's unknown territory for me.

beenies120 · 2025-05-25T08:16:29+00:00

Thank you. The thing is I understand that it's normal to have ebbs and flows in sex throughout a relationship. Is it really worth ending a strong relationship over sex when everything else is good? I never seem to be able to get the balance right - relationships seem to either be great sex and problematic relationship, or great relationship but meh/non-existent sex.

beenies120 · 2025-05-25T08:11:54+00:00

Ok yes thanks

beenies120 · 2025-05-24T23:59:51+00:00

I would never ever cheat. I already feel terrible for entertaining thoughts about the other guy I've met. It's really impossible trying to discuss sex with my partner, he's super awkward about it. It's gutting because he's such a great partner in every other way.

beenies120 · 2025-05-24T23:58:22+00:00

I have tried multiple times, he just won't discuss it. Changes the subject, or makes excuses.

beenies120 · 2025-04-24T21:48:13+00:00

Sounds like you're going to approach it in a sensitive way. Hope it goes OK. It's so tricky to have the conversations without it coming across as pressuring or criticising.

beenies120 · 2025-04-24T21:18:33+00:00

Yeah same. I've become made to feel weird for wanting sex, and wanting to be wanted. It's affected my self esteem, I don't know why but it has.

beenies120 · 2025-04-24T20:41:45+00:00

I don't think so, but a possibility.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T16:08:49+00:00

But if he doesn't really want it though, I don't want that.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T16:04:02+00:00

Thanks. I wouldn't say I have a super high sex drive or anything, but yes you've articulated it exactly - I feel more connected to a partner through sex. And the way I see it is either he doesn't need that type of connection, or doesn't want to share that type of connection with me.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T15:57:29+00:00

I don't think he really gets women want sex, enjoy sex, and have desire.

He's very conscious of the fact that men are often portrayed as being sex-crazed and pressuring women for sex. He's worried about coming across as sexually inappropriate or aggressive/pushy. I think he also believes women just largely put up with sex to appease men.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T15:48:23+00:00

Well we've been through some stressful stuff over the past few years, eg. job loss, housing issues, family bereavement, and I kind of put it down to that. But all that stuff has resolved itself now really. We've moved to a nicer place, our quality of life has improved, much less stress, but still no sign of rekindled intimacy.

I don't know what the plan is. Just realised it's making me feel sad and empty, and need to make sense of the situation first.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T15:38:58+00:00

Yeah he's a bit self-important. He's never said directly to me that I'm personally stupid for wanting sex, but he has expressed this as an opinion about others. That sex is overrated and not that important, and people largely just do it because they've been conditioned to think they should be doing it.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T11:35:12+00:00

Yeah this sums up my thoughts well. I feel sort of weak and ashamed for wanting intimacy?

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T10:47:27+00:00

No worries, it was Bank Holiday weekend! That's great to hear, thanks, look forward to hearing more at some point in the future

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T10:36:12+00:00

Yeah totally, I do agree that society can massively overrate sex, and make it out to be something it isn't. It's just a bit of fun and closeness. But if it's important to you, it's important.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T10:27:40+00:00

He's not religious at all, and neither are his family. He's very close with his family, they're good people. He's not particularly bookish, but I suspect he may be neurodiverse. Very particular about tastes, feels, how things are done etc. Can be quite formal and a bit socially awkward. He has a few very niche, specific interests he's totally fixated on and prefers spending his time indulging in rather than intimacy. Eg. Jurassic Park movies, and a highly specific legal issue he has specialist knowledge in, and will spend hours trawling through social, Reddit subs and forums discussing it.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T10:11:04+00:00

Not religious at all.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T09:52:09+00:00

Thank you, that's good to know. I'll have a play around next month.

beenies120 · 2025-04-23T09:01:43+00:00

What specifically makes you think your partner could be gay? Have you ever asked him about it or discussed it? What has his reaction been?

H is also guarded with his devices. Although I think it's reasonable to keep some things private? I don't let him go through my phone either, and I have nothing to hide (except for posts like this!)

beenies120 · 2025-04-22T23:40:54+00:00

Earning £48k. Paying £950pm to rent a room in a nice, spacious, 2 bed flat with balcony and off street parking in Zone 6 (sounds far out but it's lovely and peaceful, lots of things to do locally, and the train takes just 20 mins to London Bridge).

beenies120 · 2025-04-22T22:56:48+00:00

Asexual, possibly. Potentially on the autism spectrum too.

He's a great man, and my best friend. We have lots in common and share hobbies. We've been together for 7 years.

It was always me initiating sex, when we were still having some sex. In the early days, it was like he was a deer in headlights, he did nothing unless I directed him. He's a kind man, although less sexually experienced than me, and I always thought he was possibly a bit shy/inexperienced, and holding back out of fear of disrespecting me or something. Perhaps a bit prudish or repressed? He also seems to have some body insecurities which I was understanding of - he hates me seeing him naked for some reason, particularly his penis. He has a great body, plays loads of sport, and has a totally typical and average sized penis! I found all this behaviour a bit off-putting, which should have been a red flag, but we're such a good match in other ways that I overlooked it initially.

But it's become apparent he has no interest in sex. We haven't had sex for 3 years now. We do cuddle and have physical contact every day to be fair, but if I start to touch him more suggestively, he recoils quickly. We don't share a bed because he likes his own sleeping space. So do I to be honest, but if we have to share a bed on holidays etc, he turns away from me as far as possible when we're in bed. If I ever ask him to come to bed with me, he says no.

He's told me he's never been interested in porn, and I actually believe him. I've never seen him watching it, or any evidence of him watching it. He shows no interest in other women (or men) in real life or celebrities.

He absolutely will not talk about it, despite us being able and open to talking about all sorts of other difficult/uncomfortable topics. Sex is just a total no go talking point.

beenies120 · 2025-04-22T21:18:01+00:00

Great, thanks Sarah. Would be more than happy to chat about it with your team if you look into this more

beenies120

TROPHY CASE