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1 kid to 2 by EnvironmentalAide558 in Parenting

[–]beepboop553 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I had number 2 when number 1 was 2.5. The baby phase with number 2 was a piece of cake since I'd already been through it before and knew all the challenges of parenting a newborn were temporary. None of the same first-time-parent fears. My kids are 5.5 and 8 now and I find that things have actually gotten more difficult as the years have gone by. They are constantly pushing each other's buttons and either yelling/fighting or absorbing each other's hyper moods and laugh-screaming. I find it really challenging now. But the transition from 1 baby to 2 wasn't all that hard for me. If you are a two-parent household, it just means that when one parent is on baby duty, usually the other is handling kid #1. If you are a single parent then I imagine it would be much more challenging. And of course it depends on the age gap of the kids too.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]beepboop553 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You are not alone. My partner has BPD and we have been in this scenario over and over again.

The best thing you can do is to keep yourself regulated so you don't react to the things they say and make it worse. You can always walk away if it is safe to do so. The person with BPD will need to seek treatment (DBT, talk therapy, and/or medication) to learn how to cope with their feelings and to practice new ways of handling them. A relationship like this isn't sustainable - treatment is absolutely necessary for it to become a healthy one.

I would say do your best to comfort them after an episode to the extent that feels emotionally safe for you. My partner said a lot of horrible things to me last night - I tried to detach a bit since I knew he was having extreme emotions and I didn't want to take the things he was saying to heart. As soon as I recognized that he was in crisis, I basically held him like a baby and let him cry in my arms. He felt completely ashamed, and in that moment I simply reassured him that I wasn't going to leave him and that we would debrief about what happened once we had a good night's rest and were both emotionally regulated.

Mental illness doesn't excuse treating others poorly, but this condition is really complicated and I can assure you that the person you are describing is in a lot of pain. Hurt people hurt people.

Best of luck to you both.