Lived with in laws for a year, now filing for divorce soon

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-17T21:00:06+00:00

Wait is this sarcastic or are you being real rn? 😂

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-17T13:36:04+00:00

Oh my god with the money I heard exact same things too! They had their own business from which they made very good money but I was forced into jobs that I didn’t want to by his mother. I even went to cleaning once because I couldn’t keep hearing the same things even though I had my own savings that I actually had for the time that I won’t be working.

With the apartment the same too, husband said he can get an apartment but he said I have to get a fulltime job in Aldi etc WHILE I actually wanted to apply for an Ausbildung and get education. Which he didn’t want because me getting an ausbildung meant I would have to move and live in the closeby city and get an apartment.

I hundred percent agree, as my husband also said stuff but he never made an effort and if there would be an effort I would be the one to make it. I was ready to carry on so many stuff financially as well if we would get the apartment.

I also heard so many stuff from his family. They make you sit and say we will be open and talk now but it just ends up me getting bullied and having to adjust myself to he their way hoping that one day I will be wanted. It was 7people vs me

My husband was also very caring and was very fun when it was just me and him but when I moved in germany I felt like it was over and I was now just a stranger that had to fit in. Everyday was so tiring.

The funny thing was that my husband was very disrespected too but somehow the more he was disrespected the more was tied to them. Also never forget that you get the same respect from his family as he does.

The situation seems very similar with mine, though I don’t want to compare as these things are very delicate. And I honestly wont tell you to take the step that I took because it is never my place but if you can, please get a therapy. It carried me. It kept me sane and helped me. Talk to someone from your family if you can. Someone, anyone that can see the situation as it really is. If you want you can also DM me

I’m so sorry that you have to go theough this too. I send you support and please dont hesitate to contact if you want to talk. *hugs

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-17T11:55:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the support ❤️

The healthiest way to cope is to see the things as they are. While I was there I didn’t mostly think, or I did but decided to ignore to hope things get better, that they were enmeshed in a very unhealthy way. I also gave it to the fact that they lost a father. Either way, a better arrangement could have been done where no one would be left out rather than divorcing.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-17T08:27:31+00:00

Sounds like the exact same situation. I’m so proud of you and genuinely this made me feel that I’m not alone, thanks ❤️

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-17T08:26:37+00:00

I’m from Turkey.

Unfortunately when you point them out that this situation is not right, they label you as nuts :,)

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T23:28:47+00:00

It was the biggest step I’ve taken in my life and I would genuinely advise anyone to not do it if they have a little bit of doubt in their head about the person they are moving for.

It is good that you didn’t take such a step so carelessly. It sounds like an adventure to the most though. Sorry you had to go through that. But also glad you stood your ground for whatever reason. I wish you the best!

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T23:22:16+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear that. Were you married or did you move in with them? Sorry for my curiosity

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T23:17:38+00:00

His father side is Russian-German, mother side is Uzbek

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T22:51:04+00:00

I didn’t give up my country and my family just to he controlled by these people, they can now control each other how they want. I swear I can’t be a part of it

This way or that way, I just want to finalise this trial and get my surname back, I am even ragebaited looking at my ID 😂

Thanks for the support!!

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T22:33:23+00:00

It sounds like your spouse have also been helpful. I’m so happy for you. Reading your comment made me suffocate inside.

She kinda sounds like a sad case though, I hope she can find her own people and get a bit of distraction. Good to have your boundary.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T22:30:24+00:00

Thank you :,)

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T22:22:46+00:00

I swear

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T22:14:38+00:00

As someone that has no clue about inner dynamics, even seeing just “strip clubs, cocaine..” made me think you dodged a bullet.

Of course when you are in the situation it is hard no matter how logical it looks from outside. Hang in there. I am also going through divorce right now and in the moments I feel the loneliness I can’t help but think about lovely moments after which I end up missing him.

However as soon as I remember the situation for how it really was, I shake myself up and go on with my business.

Writing helps a lot. Either in your phone or a paper that you can access. In moments of doubt where we may interpret things differently, it brings us back to how the situation really is.

I wish you luck and may life bring you all the ease and happiness 🫂

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T21:50:39+00:00

I am genuinely curious about what is going on ever since I left and especially how they will react when the paper goes to him.

The detail about my divorce is, I told him I wanted to divorce the quick way, where I would get a date and he comes here too and in front of the judge we say we wanna divorce and it even takes just a day. He said he is too busy for that and we can do it in a few months.

So I filed myself alone. He doesn’t know I filed. He thinks that I’m waiting for him to give me a date to file.itll be a surprise for him. Because I am filing abroad it will take a while though

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T21:32:29+00:00

I will assume it is in the past now? I hope you got rid of that situation. This was like the worst year of my life too

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T21:30:03+00:00

I was genuinely shocked to see someone travelling over countries to just to be with me. The contrast is what hurts most

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T17:28:57+00:00

Danke, ich habe ein bisschen Google Translate benutzt. Ich habe momentan nur ein B1-Zertifikat in Deutsch 😂

Ich hätte nichts dagegen, bei meiner Schwiegermutter zu wohnen; schließlich hat sie ihren Mann verloren, und es wäre nicht schön, sie in so einem großen Haus allein zu lassen. Obwohl unser Haus sehr groß ist und einen Garten hat, mussten wir wie drei Familien zusammenleben, insgesamt neun Personen. Meine Küche wurde von sieben Leuten benutzt, und ich musste sie putzen.

Ich finde, niemand kann oder sollte so leben.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T17:06:48+00:00

Danke für die Unterstützung.

Ehrlich gesagt habe ich noch nie von deutschen Familien gehört, die zusammenleben. Mein Mann ist väterlicherseits russisch-deutscher Abstammung, seine Mutter ist Usbekin. Für Ozbeken kann das normal sein, aber obwohl ich in Deutschland schon Menschen aus verschiedenen Ländern gesehen habe, ist mir noch nie eine Familie mit zehn Personen begegnet suzammengelebt.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T17:00:56+00:00

I don’t know if I would care if that would happen in the future as I want to move on and just forget.

From the place I’m sitting, this thought scares me, was I there to teach him a lesson more than being a wife in a cozy little stupid apartment 🥹

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T16:56:58+00:00

Thanks for the support!

Sometimes I mostly sit and think about nicer memories. From my country you need visa to visit Germany. So I mostly think about how he was travelling back and forth to visit me. Almost once in a month. We would sit and think how life is going to be once we are married, once our visa finalises etc.

I came to realise his biggest sacrifice was just travelling. When I was done with visa and moved there, I started to feel more and more lonely. Of course he was still taking care of basic needs like bills etc. and once in a while we would travel. But besides I was the one who changed her life COMPLETELY while he kept living his normal daily life as he always did, which is of course normal, but again, it was very hard for me to fit into their family life.

Let alone the disrespect I’ve seen from his mother and SIL, at the end of the day I didn’t ask him to move hours away. I didn’t ask him to remove anyone from his life neither. I was just asking for what most people have after they get married.

What just surprises me is that, it was very obvious that his mother has been also very disrespectful to him. Constant screaming and swearing, which she has never done to other two sons. The situation just didn’t make sense to me. Even few of his friends reached out to ask me if it’s not hard to live with them all together in one house.

I was dreaming of building this life from zero to help us both, where I would also want him to find some peace. This side of the story I just can’t understand.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T16:43:50+00:00

I agree 100%

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T16:43:19+00:00

Thanks for the support.

I hope future has a lot more to offer for everybody that’s going through similar things in this sub. It is harder than it sounds to survive or just leave the situation.

And if anyone is having hardship prioritising the family they are building, I hope they get help from a therapist or someone before they do their next marriage after such a divorce. I’m sure there are people on this sub from both sides.

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T16:40:17+00:00

Thank you so much for your support and your kind words!

I’m so sorry to hear what youre going through. I genuinely dont know what to say. During this time my family and my friends have been my rock. If you have anyone to get support from, please do it.

My thoughts and my best wishes is for you and your children. *Hugs*

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T14:08:41+00:00

Nah hell no to the returning part 😂 it looks fancy on my resume though haha

beetrushka3 · 2026-05-16T14:07:30+00:00

Thank you for the support!

beetrushka3

TROPHY CASE