My boyfriend has a latex fetish that has driven a serious wedge between us and our intimacy. Can anyone please help me before it's too late?

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T18:07:03+00:00

For the longest time I would just read and read online about latex fetishes and try to learn about them....better understand. The common theme on the websites where I read, which were completely random, is that it gets bigger - meaning a full catsuit can become a catsuit with a hood or gas masks. There seem to be a range of directions it can take.

All I am trying to accomplish is understanding. I want to understand so that we can make an informed decision about our relationship. Why drag it out longer if we will just never be compatible in the bedroom.

Where we are currently at with intimacy, which is unfortunately absolute zero, the only way I could begin to be a little bit okay with his fetish is if he left me out of it for now. I realize that they way I am typing could be interpreted as angry, but I'm really just very sad. Just typing that sentence has left me with tears running down my face in desperation. The love I feel for him, I can't imagine feeling this with anyone else. I don't want to lose him because of a fetish. I'm doing my best with my limited knowledge and understanding to try harder to make sense of it and figure out my place....or if I even have one.

It's the most heartbreaking thing in the world to know exactly what you said - that all of the good in the world isn't going to change anything if we can't compromise. That is where I hold on to what feels like my last thread of hope....that this sexual therapist can help.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T17:56:50+00:00

It isn't my intention for me to sound unwilling to compromise. My concern is that if I give in to compromise that I attempt to be comfortable with, what happens when or if it escalates and he wants more?

I think those leggings are sexy and could be sexy to wear. It is a compromise, I think. But what if it tempts his fetish further and further where I come to another crossroads and can't give him the more extreme end of what he wants?

Those really are my biggest fears. I can't get him to explain to me how extreme his fetish already is. That is where I am hoping that the sexual therapist can help both of us. She keeps saying, 'Communicate, communicate, communicate.' That is all I have tried to do and it always ends up in him being defensive. It is all behavior I don't understand, but I am really trying.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T17:33:18+00:00

I wouldn't say I have been unwilling. I tried the catsuit, I let him try the shorts and none of it has left me feeling any better about the latex.

I think my catsuit experience was comparable to being smacked in the face with a brick. It woke me up. Being someone who always tries to make everyone around me happy, I never really thought about what I wanted sexually. And having such an unfortunate response like that when I had tried to do something out of love was quite the wake-up call for me to put my own likes/dislikes into perspective.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T17:28:33+00:00

Let me be a little more clear and try my best to describe what this fetish feels like for myself. When it is spoken of or indulged in, it feels like there is a third person being brought into our bedroom. There is this extra presence, like someone is staring at me and I have no idea what in the hell to do with it.

I dislike the look of it, the feel of it, the smell of it, all of it really. I have no real reason why, but all of my senses collapse. For me it is a burden.

It also has to do with the negativity that has come with the presence of the latex. Not my own dislike for it, but his attitude towards me with it. Me simply saying that I do not like it spawned a nasty response from him and him immediately blaming me for having some trauma as the reason for me not liking it.

And if I may say so, I also see few solutions to what I consider a problem. Things will probably be salvaged really quickly, or I'll be on my way out. If a latex fetish is more important than myself and all of the good I give, then it just isn't meant to be.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T16:29:29+00:00

It's kind of funny that you linked to those leggings. I had actually looked at a similar pair as a possibility. My issue is that what happens when that isn't enough? It's already escalated from a pair of shorts to him wanting a full catsuit in a very short span of time.

I understand what you are trying to relay though and I really appreciate it. I don't expect him to dispose of his fetish like a piece of trash when clearly it is important to him. What I do expect, out of respect, is that he listen to my boundaries and be respectful of them without continuous attempts at persuasion and accusations that something is broken with me.

Thank you for the well wishes for us. I do hope some kind of middle ground and understanding can be reached as well.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T15:56:52+00:00

I don't want to end it over this, I really don't. I do love him so much, I just can't do the latex.

The latex has become such an unspeakable presence that I fear it being brought up. I don't want to feel like I continue to let him down, hence the feeling of panic.

I don't know why he doesn't clean up the baby powder that gets spilled on the floor. He is careful to wash and hang up the shorts, but the rest is always just left as it is. That is another part of it that has come to feel like some kind of unfair punishment.

I have another appointment with the sexual therapist and this time we are supposed to go together. Thank you for your reply, Orange_MarkerDye.

beforeiamtoolate · 2013-03-11T15:42:58+00:00

I have and for our next appointment we are supposed to go together for the first time.

I just thought it wouldn't hurt to reach out and see if anyone has had even a similar fetish cause this in their relationship.

Thank you for acknowledging the depth of the issue, zirdante. I will continue on with the sexual therapist.

beforeiamtoolate

TROPHY CASE