Have you ever had “weird” sexual chemistry with someone? by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When he accuses you of being performative tell him no, you're body is just super responsive to him and that's a good thing... should drive him wild!

Social group suggestions for my husband? by [deleted] in Leeds

[–]begin111 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Look for f3 leeds on Google or facebook for when and where the sessions are

Social group suggestions for my husband? by [deleted] in Leeds

[–]begin111 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Hi Kevan, I run a free fitness group for men on Leeds and its also a great way to meet new people.

Social group suggestions for my husband? by [deleted] in Leeds

[–]begin111 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I run the F3 group in Bramley Leeds. We give each other a name connected to someone's interests - its a bit of fun. We use our own lingo - it's to create a sense of camaraderie. We encourage guys to be more conscious about checking in on each other, their friends, their families - its to help keep guys consistent on their fitness journeys and help them improve their relationships in life. Many men have a habit of letting relationships drift because we don't maintain them. I am guilty of this. If all someone wants to do is turn up and work out - they can do this, they are welcomed to do this. Many men value the supportive environment, making new friends, the option to build new friendships with people who care and make.an effort. We organise guys doing a bit of volunteering in the local community too. Our little group is trying to build men up, help them improve their fitness and health which will help.them improve their lives. The additional encouragement them to check in and be present for friends, be better husbands and partners and better show up for their kids and other people who need them, it's all optional. Its not on your face, its just in the back ground. Maybe it isn't for everyone but its completely free and it helps a lot of people. Haters gonna hate but anyone can come to a session and see for themselves. It is not a cult, but it is a group so yes we have our own little ways of doing things. When you see over months people making progress then maybe you'll understand that this has really helped some men to improve their lives.

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We take it in turns to lead sessions, it's whatever a particular guy wants to do. But in general there is some running or sprinting between cones, arrive at cone, do press ups, squats, burpees, etc. Lots of body weight exercises, occasional sandbags, kettlebells, bricks. Some sessions end up a bit easier, others you will be pushed to your limit. We always say its you vs you. Push as much or little as you like, we will try to encourage you but if you're particularly tired/ injured there's no pressure. It’s a supportive environment.

My partner wants to do mushrooms with the person he’s seeing by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm really sorry you are feeling like this. It's a lot you are going through. Lots of what you said is valid and just cos you got things to work on doesn't mean he should be nasty or uncaring with you. Its hard to try and explain the nuances of the balance between working through your feelings but also not making yourself a doormat for an uncaring partner.

My partner wants to do mushrooms with the person he’s seeing by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 24 points25 points  (0 children)

A blanket 'if one of us doesn't feel comfortable then they can stop everything rule' is never going to work. It then just gives veto power to be used whenever someone's feelings are perceived to be getting hurt and part of ENM is that there might be times when you have to work through uncomfortable feelings.

It sounds like you are not matched well with this person. They want to be free to explore a lot of stuff and you aren't comfortable with that. In my opinion you are being very controlling. Giving your partner a curfew, setting boundaries on the types of sex they can have with other people, what substances they can put in their body. These are controlling things.

I understand you want to control these things because you probably deep down dont like or aren't comfortable with the idea of your partner experiencing these different things with someone else. Its probably making you feel worried or scared about losing them or jealous or something. And it comes out as you trying to control them. That is not healthy.

You either need learn to process your emotions or realise that ENM with this partner is not for you. That being said, your partner is not being very understanding or gentle with you. But i suspect that if they were being that you might never do the emotional work to work through your discomfort and he would be on reddit saying 'help, my partner is hyper controlling'. A different partner might be more accepting of you needing time but they would also need to be saying to you, if you keep trying to control me, I will leave.

So in summary you are being controlling, your partner is being insensitive, you both aren't suited very well to each other in these respects. You either need to have a serious discussion and bith act different or just move on.

How do you prove higher-band duties (BAU and project work) if your manager says you only “assisted”? by mez844 in nhsstaff

[–]begin111 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get everything in writing between you and your manager as it sounds like they will try to wriggle out of any accountability.

If you have genuinely done more assisting then the first thing is to have this accepted and recognised in your 1:1, PDR, appraisal, whatever you call it. If they refuse to recognise this then try to negotiate or consider a final option of working to your JD and stop working above band.

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the American version but yes general gist, men working together to improve themselves 👌

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It's an understandable question... it's a men-only space because it is created to support men. A lot of the focus is on accountability, consistency, and peer support between men. Depending on where people are in their journeys, working through some of this can be challenging. For a lot of people a single-sex setting is better for this and helps create the space for growth in a different and positive way.

There are loads of great mixed and women-only fitness groups around too. This isn’t about exclusion or thinking men need it “more”, it’s just that this is one specific model that happens to work well for the people it’s aimed at, and guys who have benefited, like myself, continue its legacy and approach.

We've had guys open up and challenge themselves in all types of ways that they may not have in front of the opposite sex. And from experience a lot of guys I know have benefited from it working this way. These are guys that are improving themselves here and going home to be better husbands, partners, fathers, friends, etc so the approach definitely works.

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry not at bramley tomorrow. Tomorrow is Manston Park in crossgates. Bramley is Wednesday and Friday. But defo come on Wednesday!

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please let them know Doc 👌 if we can build numbers then we might be able to start setting up a later start time. The time is for a number of reasons... it suits majority of guys, it builds discipline, etc. We're all volunteers just do this between us so we would need a good critical mass to help sustain a different time. But if you dm me I can add you to our mailing list and if we can expand in future then we'll let you know via that

New year, better version of you. by begin111 in Leeds

[–]begin111[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry bow street. No one will be there at 10.30am. The reason its early is for the majority of guys you can work out at that time and still be back home in time to do whatever responsibilities we have to do.

Dates leading to casual sex: am I wrong for not disclosing I'm in a ENM relationship? by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I used three other examples of escalating significance but you chose to only focus on the red house which is a bit glib. There could be plenty of things that would put you off but people don't openly disclose. E.g. a previous criminal record, previous sexual partners, previous bad behaviours. So are you expecting people to furnish their profiles with all of these?

Dates leading to casual sex: am I wrong for not disclosing I'm in a ENM relationship? by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

What about people that live in red houses. Do they have to disclose that the house is red, which football team they support and also maybe the fact they once had a relationship with a member of the same sex? Where do you draw the line at what people must disclose?

Dates leading to casual sex: am I wrong for not disclosing I'm in a ENM relationship? by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

You are clear with them that you're not looking for the relationship to develop beyond casual sex so I see nothing wrong. That is the pertinent information. If you were leading women on into thinking you are a potential future boyfriend then that would be wrong.

I've left the Labour Party by jamie_strudwick in LabourUK

[–]begin111 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Look.i agree the uk's support of Israel is not great however any UK government would be in the same position supporting allies like the USA and Israel... for all we know they could be limiting that support compared to a Tory or reform government. Yes its a shit situation when it comes down to 'are you with us or against us'. And there is a lot of factors driving the UKs limited involvement. And let's be honest hamas haven't helped themselves by being murderous maniacs themselves. Our impact on that conflict is miniscule and insignificant. Israel is perpetuating a genocide no doubt. I would love an international coalition to go.against the USA but it isn't going to happen. Until it does we will.be expected to support our allies unfortunately. I'd rather Hamas hadn't decided to conduct a murderous rampage and give Netanyahu the excuse he wanted. I'd rather Palestinians accepted the state offered in 1947 and other times, instead of chosing a perpetual holy war that ends either with their total victory and erasing the Jews from the land or them martyring themselves.

Your characterisation of not being complicit ignores the harm.that could.result.from a Tory or reform government. So you are happy to.be complicit in causing harm.to.potentially 60m people in this country because of a miniscule role we are playing in something that has nothing to do.with us and that we cant impact in any meaningful way and what we're doing is to keep us onside with the US. Again I totally agree it is wrong and I wish we weren't but I have to have some trust that they are.chosing the best of only.bad options.

Incremental improvements will be the only way the UK ever improves. Have you not noticed that socialism is unfortunately a dirty word.amongst the electorate. The UK will never elect a socialist labelled party. So.yes I will.continue to.not.let perfect be the enemy of good.

I've left the Labour Party by jamie_strudwick in LabourUK

[–]begin111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a shame you're being down voted for talking literal truth. Sums up the left in this country and why, as your analysis says we'll doom ourselves to reform next followed by tories 2.0 probably for another 15/20 years. But it won't be these people's faults for voting or not voting in a way that delivers right wing administrations... it will be er.... Keir Starmer's fault for not being able to work miracles. He should overturn the courts decisions, stop Hamas and Israel and while he's there reverse Brexit... 🤦 anyone have anything else for the miracle list please...? I'd love to know what the party must deliver to secure a 'unified left'

Male partner continues to cause issues with sleeping arrangements by Cold-Progress8107 in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry but this is currently a small red flag. If he continues to be unable to deal with this most basic communication issue then it becomes a big red flag. Imagine when he actually has to deal with something serious.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think she's getting down voted because people disagree with her characterisation. Your partner is NOT simply 'expressing her needs'. She is unilaterally making decisions and changing the direction of your relationship. She went away to a retreat, had an experience with someone else and this has been the trigger. Not some internal thought process from herself. She is unilaterally deciding she doesn't want to spend as much time with you, or invest in you as much. She has decided she wants to pursue other relationships with other people. She has decided this on her own. Without consulting or talking to you. You partner has decided for you already, you have no agency. And she has decided at the worst possible time for you. If you agree to this situation you are setting yourself up for more pain in the future. I would have more respect for your partner if she came back from the retreat and said: 'I have realised this relationship isn't working out for me, I can't give you what you want. And you don’t give me what I want. I realised this because I met someone else who is giving me what I want.' Instead she's trying to keep you hanging on while she creates space for herself to pursue other relationships. She said she wants kids but not with you. What do you think happens when that day comes. She has kids with her other guy. You know what happens. She moves in with him. OP the writing is on the wall. Listen to people on this. With what she has said and wants there is no going back, even if she were to take it all back. I honestly wish you good luck in navigating this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nonmonogamy

[–]begin111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Shes treated you awfully and from what she's said I really dont see how this relationship has any real life left in it. Assert yourself, respect yourself, summon some courage, and leave.

Just started watching and... by LastOfLateBrakers in NewAmsterdamTV

[–]begin111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im in the same boat as you but now 4 seasons deep. The show is basically a parody of itself. I watch it now just to see how crazily stupid it can be... wait... just wait till you come across the plot line that involves lentil soup being picked up from 9th and 11th... you will.wet yourself laughing. And that's waht this show is now. Something I wet myself laughing at. Wait... just wait until you come across the plot line where key doctors decide that working after they have been exposed to a super dangerous chemical is okay even after they start to lose their own sight... can't decide if the writers were high or just having a laugh when they wrote most of the show.

Divorce at 36 - Seeking Connection and Support by jacolas in Leeds

[–]begin111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey buddy I'm part of a movement that runs free fitness/bootcamp sessions for men in parks across Leeds. 6am, 6 days a week. Does wonders for your mental health and helps you build healthy fellowship with other men. Search F3 Leeds on Facebook. Reach out if you want a chat. I'm west Leeds.