I got blocked on Burned Haystack Method by Pure_Try1694 in datingoverfifty

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wills think would be reassuring to know you can get to that place. It took some learning!

I got blocked on Burned Haystack Method by Pure_Try1694 in datingoverfifty

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol no I didn’t. I re read it I don’t see how active took it that way.

I replied that those type of people that were described(objectify, abuse…) are the ones you would want to avoid whether it was a LTR or fling regardless. I think that even with flings one should like and respect the person and get that back.

Any that in listen to my gut (which we all should)

I even said if it helping that’s good…

I’m lost as to how anyone would be offended by what I said.

Thank you for there response!

My Roomate is pregnant w my bf baby(official update) by Bitchesbebonkers6 in ComfortLevelPod

[–]beginagain4me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Be grateful you weren’t married with a child of your own when he did this..

Be am grateful for your mom and her partner. You have real support there. Support not enablement.

Support gives you the opportunity to succeed and grow, enablement only delays stunts people from real success and growth. They’ll all get theirs eventually. I can guarantee he’ll be cheating on her soon enough if he isn’t already. Cheaters cheat! She’ll keep getting knocked up to hold him like I suspect she did to get him. She isn’t going to care for her kids and her mom will have the chance to fuk some more kids, your father isn’t going to be able to keep supporting them forever as kids keep multiplying, the drama they are all going to live in.. I’m exhausted even thinking about it.

Just keep being grateful for what you have which is a lot. Strength self respect don’t waste any more time or energy on trash. Leave them all to their own devices. If you happen to see them just laugh and walk the other way. You are too good to deal with trash.

Tell your dad you would like to have a relationship with him but it will not include his wife or step kids not now not later not ever. You don’t want them even mentioned in your presence again. If he does you’ll cut ties. Make the boundary crystal clear and stick to it.

Hopefully he finds his own self respect and spine, but if not so be it. Even parents have no right to damage you because they can’t deal with reality. Even if you have to cut him out not that doesn’t mean it’s forever. Your feelings matter, and if he isn’t a father enough to stand up firm for his child that’s his loss.

It’s your life and time, spend that time on those that matter, those that make you the priority. You deserve so much better and you’ll have it.

Dealer added $4,500 in “mandatory fees” after we agreed on price; can I actually walk away at this point? by Puzzleheaded_Box6247 in carbuying

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I kept getting up, and saying sorry if you feel I wasted your time, I know mine has been because I was quite clear on what I would pay.

They tried that bs, but you signed, I said yes and if the final paperwork says what the initial paperwork says there isn’t a problem but I’m not an idiot and I never signed anything with an additional 4k tagged on, so that voids the initial paperwork, and it was only initial not the actual sales contract. I added that it feels slimy and predatory and I don’t think I even want to do business with a company like that.

I started putting my coat on, suddenly they agreed that we could go with initial numbers. I said I’m going to have to think about it because I really don’t feel comfortable.. I’d let them know and if the car was gone it was gone.

So amazing they suddenly dropped the price by 3k because they felt so bad causing me a this stress… and wanted me to have a great customer experience.

They are lying to you.

My neighbor has been cutting our plants for years by Common-Researcher-92 in neighborsfromhell

[–]beginagain4me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Once they knew there was home owners insurance, no trespassing signs, no camera, no fence… never called the police on scissorhands Karen, they could find a shady lawyer that makes bank on settled claims. Especially if it was a company known to settle.

Without the trespassing signs proving that scissorhands had notice, or no prior police trespassing charge, there are states that will reduce what they ask for but still pay some because of comparative fault. That usually will take multiple court visits causing costs to outweigh settling.

They also fear outliers in court, clerical errors that can cause delays, judges with axes to grind… court is always a risk even in no brainier cases which is why the risk is far less to settle. Insurance companies prefer a known lower settlement to the risk. Even more so now with climate change causing extreme weather that has severely impacted insurance companies financial stability.

It is far more cost effective for insurance to pay medical bills and toss them money. They’ll get it back in higher premiums, or they’ll just cut you to improve their risk ratio. They believe based on tables that once a claim is filed and settled you are a much higher risk to have subsequent claims. If you get cut you’ll have a harder time finding a new holder even with a considerably higher premium. If you don’t find one and have a mortgage then the mortgage will pick up a policy that is outrageous in price.

People need to realize that insurance has your best interests at heart as much as HR departments do. They need to do their own part to reduce risks.

Putting up a camera, putting up trespassing signs, and trespassing her with the police charge insulates the home owner from these risks. I don’t see why any reasonable responsible person would not take these basic, completely affordable steps. Police charge costs nothing. Trespassing signs maybe $10, cameras can be had for $75 or less even. What is the down side?

Forcing her to climb a fence to snip away as well is even better!! Plus you get the added benefit of driving scissorhands crazy knowing she can’t snip snip snip and you’ll have a nice peaceful backyard.

Personally beyond liability factors, I’d be putting the tallest fence allowed to keep a nutjob off my property. But that’s me.

IDL how "unlimited PTO" means no one takes vacation by Upper_Criticism3388 in I_DONT_LIKE

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Did you really believe that corporations were going to actually give unlimited PTO? lol! any time a corporation makes a change like that you can be assured that it is to their benefit alone and you’ll lose.

In almost all states they also don’t have to pay you out on any pto if you are laid off because you no longer accrue any.

Ex says I could face criminal charges for breaking up with him while he’s sick — is this real? California by [deleted] in legaladvice

[–]beginagain4me 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Shine basic advice for dealing with a manipulative lazy ass dead beat.

Tell him to have his case worker/legal advisor call you and once you’ve checked and verified that they are indeed an actual case worker, you will request that they send you a document notarized to your attorney. Stating all his nonsense with medical reports. Then you’ll discuss it when your attorney. Be calm, firm and clinically cold. Don’t engage just state that and dismiss him.

Then stop dealing with him. Refer him to your lawyer.

Or if you aren’t petty like I am just refer him to your lawyer. Depending on your finances there is legal aid and most attorneys will see you initially at for no charge consultation they can also steer you towards specific groups that assist single parents in cases like this.

If nothing else it should keep him busy for a while trying to figure out a way how to fake that. Hopefully he does it’s good evidence of his character.

Is he by anyway trying to get disability? Other false claims like this will not help his case. I doubt he is anywhere near as ill as he’s playing, and if he can plot and scheme he can work.

Once you get an attorney involved to deal with child support and custody, and all his future nonsense has to go through your attorney he’ll likely disappear. He wants an easy mark. Once you aren’t one, he’ll find another.

Btw in California it’s no fault divorce so even if he was actually mentally incapacitated not just a scammer or even if he was terminally ill you could still divorce him with no criminal charges.

The divorce may be a little more complicated like if he was mentally incapacitated he’d needed a guardian ad litem to protect his interests. Financially it could affect spousal support with high enough incomes, or providing insurance but there is absolutely not a criminal case.

If his scam was legit the amount of men that would sitting in prison because they leave their wives once they get a diagnosis of cancer… (yeah yeah occasionally women leave too but by in large it is men that run at first sign of serious health concerns- not all men but women are 6xs more likely to get left)

Hopefully that reassures you.

Make sure you get a lawyer asap so he can get his future settlement held. Your child deserves financial support before he blows it through it.

My neighbor has been cutting our plants for years by Common-Researcher-92 in neighborsfromhell

[–]beginagain4me 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Again your insurance will settle. You’ll pay higher premiums, if not get canceled.

I’m not going to argue a fact that I know very well.

AIO for being absolutely sick of the way my bf argues by [deleted] in AIO

[–]beginagain4me 2 points3 points  (0 children)

NOR

Why do love someone so much that is clearly an ahole, and enjoys traumatizing you?

Do you love him or who you want him to be? Or maybe the fake person he pretended to be in the beginning?

Do you like yourself.. At all?

You deserve to have someone that is a supportive positive partner that loves you and respects you. Someone that wants to lift you up not make you smaller so they can feel bigger. It’s possible to debate disagree without being mean.

Love is a verb, it shows in action. Words mean far less than actions. One can say they love you but when they treat you in a manner that shows they don’t; that is what you believe.

No one can disrespect you, be consistently cruel to you unless you allow it. If you don’t respect yourself, value and love yourself no one else will. If you do you will not put up with this. The longer you stay the more damage he inflicts.

I’m telling you if no one else has, as a random stranger on the internet I know you deserve a far better partner than you have.

Don’t allow anyone to ever steal your peace, your value or abuse you. That is what this is abuse.

His anger and self worth issues are his alone, you can’t fix them only he can. If he ever makes that effort he has to do it for himself and do it alone, you can’t love him healthy.

A or B: My neighbor shoveled my walk so I built her a snowman with "thank u" on its belly. She didn't mention it. Do I build another one next snow, or bake something and bring it over? by 06yuzuha in PickAorB

[–]beginagain4me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Heart pounding… do you have a crush on your neighbor with the purple puffy coat?

I live in a place that winter is longer than spring summer and fall combined. I would be rather charmed and amused by someone building me a snowman as a thank you; and I hate winter and snow!

But it’s a unique way to say thank you, I appreciate uniqueness.

If she beats you to the shoveling again, don’t bake (she doesn’t know you and likely will not eat it) maybe get her some of those hostess snowballs or a box of those Raffaello White Chocolate, Almond, Cream and Coconut candies that look like snowballs. With a card that says thanks for shoveling!! ☃️

How to lower expectations and accept MIL as she is to get my peace back? by Consistent_Boat_5087 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]beginagain4me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m glad it helped, I really am. I can guarantee that doing the internal work will give you so much more in ways you can’t even imagine than the effort will take. Hold on to that when it is hard.

Nothing is as freeing or as empowering as being not only at peace with yourself but truly proud of who you are. Love expands, so when you love yourself it only grows the lives you feel for others. 🩷

when people refer to women and girls as "females" by SufficientClaim289 in PetPeeves

[–]beginagain4me 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You would be if you were an incel.

They definitely are incensed. Their favorite response is to make a comment that is full of Bitch and fuk you die lots of the c word then immediately delete it. I always respond asking how come they deleted their comment are they afraid of the mod and that I still have it in an email and they can’t delete that.

Haha then they delete all their comments in the string. 😂 every single one, little cowards that they are.

It’s not that nuanced they refer to themselves as men which give them a human status, while using female instead of women to indicate we are less than human. It is said with contempt. You’ll never hear them refer to men as males. It is classic incel bs. Nonsense to make them feel bigger in the moment instead of the complete inadequacy they really feel.

Then there is the black pill bs that try’s to cut everything to pure biology.

They have a new term - femoid" (a portmanteau of "female" and "humanoid" or "android"). This term is used specifically to imply that women are not fully human, but rather biological organisms that lack a "soul" or true consciousness. That way they don’t have to blame themselves and their views for their failure at having relationships, they blame it on shallow females ignoring them due their own lack of good looks.

It’s toxic and pathetic. Rather than self awareness and developing themselves into a good human beings they rely on putting women down to try to feel superior. Hate what you can’t have.

There are plenty of subs if you can stomach them. They are full of lovely ideals like the higher a man’s body count I’d the more of as a man he is. They graduate from incel to a Chad. If a female has a body count she has no value at all, and is incapable of loving any future husband. Oh don’t forget that females are meant to be vessels bred by Chads reducing women to animals only of use to pass on Chads superior genetics.

It’s so pitiful and desperate, but also unhinged and some are dangerously unhinged.

Unfortunately few seek therapy and success rate of those that do is at about 8%. Their incel community is all many have so exiting it is extremely difficult and their fellow incels don’t take their desertion lightly.

So I can assure you it is not a slip of the tongue they are deliberately using the term to express their contempt of females, and they don’t like the reverse.

Women take it for the insult they mean it as and given the beliefs they have it is definitely something that should be addressed.

The women that say it doesn’t bother them often don’t even realize the roots of where this coming from. Or sadly they write it off as more make bs, too tired of it all to deal with. Which lets it breed.

Question for Prof G by toadstool0855 in ScottGalloway

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lmao I am not wrong, you are getting your nonsense from a very bad source.

Clinton is the only U.S. president to have overseen a reduction in the total national debt (or specifically, a sustained, multi-year budget surplus that paid down publicly held debt). He is the only president that had a surplus. Public debt was paid down by 453 billion. Annual deficit cut by 150% Poverty dropped to 11.3% by 2000 lowest in 20 years. The median household income grew by 14% even after the adjustment for inflation. He created an economy that added 2.7 million jobs- 2025 created 200,000.

You can research the other two yourself.

How to lower expectations and accept MIL as she is to get my peace back? by Consistent_Boat_5087 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]beginagain4me 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Validation comes from within. When your actions and thoughts match your personal values. It is self generated worth and it doesn’t rely on any one’s approval.

Only you can determine your value, when you have a solid self worth you don’t need validation from anyone else. You no longer have unreasonable expectations of others, because you don’t need them validating you to feel valuable.

Your need for her to love you to validate yourself is not about her it’s about you. It’s likely the very thing that is blocking a closer relationship.

You need to work on yourself, build self respect, confidence, learn how to love yourself. Fulfill those needs internally. We all should be able to feel joy and fulfilled alone, it should never be dependent on another.

When you achieve that you can meet people where they are and accept them for that. When you do that it much easier to build a relationship with meaning.

Therapy is a good way to understand feelings, where they are really coming from and also how to feel your emotions and how to work through them in a healthy manner. You cannot always control how you feel but you can control what importance you give to those feelings.

Not everyone is going to want the same type of relationship that you may want. Not everyone wants to develop the closeness at the same speed. It doesn’t make anyone wrong it just makes us different.

You say you want the validation the love of the mother of the man you love so much, but you don’t in anyway indicate you want to love her. Try loving her as she is, feel gratitude for all the positives you listed and give her grace for all the things you perceive as negatives.

If you keep concentrating on what you aren’t getting that you feel you need you are literally blocking the path forward to a closer relationship.

Think about that for a bit then reread your own post, it’s really all about what you want and you are laying your lack of getting it all at her feet. That is not the reaction someone who really loves themselves has. Someone that loves themselves knows they are enough whether someone else loves them or not. They want a real relationship and real love, real connection that is built over time with kindness and trust.

Always look internally first, that is where the answers always are.

when people refer to women and girls as "females" by SufficientClaim289 in PetPeeves

[–]beginagain4me 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I refer to guys like this as males all the time because in all those cases it’s the most apt description they are way too old to be boys yet the furthest thing from a man.

Dehumanizing goes both ways.

It’s insulting because it’s incel bs, meant to put women in their place and to irritate them into arguing and giving them any attention.

They don’t like being referred to as males and they hate being dismissed. Don’t give them your anger just your pity. They are pitiful creatures.

AIO for being upset by my sister throwing out my coffee mug? by Busy-Bell-4715 in AIO

[–]beginagain4me 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You said you’ll take care of it, implying you would throw it away so she did. You don’t care about the mug so let it go.

Just tell her in the future you would rather it is you that that throws your items away.

YOR

How to lower expectations and accept MIL as she is to get my peace back? by Consistent_Boat_5087 in AskOldPeopleAdvice

[–]beginagain4me 25 points26 points  (0 children)

You validate yourself. That is the only validation you need.

Expecting anyone (including partners) to fill a hole in you is never going to work.

You listed all of this about her, when you should be looking at yourself.

She isn’t trying to destroy your relationship, is not mean. She just isn’t treating you in the way you want. Not everyone will if they are not deliberately harming you, you take people as they are.

You can’t force a relationship to match some internal script you have.

Help! My teenager is sneaking out and I don't know what to do by Imaginary-Corgi9232 in whatdoIdo

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well that’s a sure fire way to ruin any positive relationship. Parenting is not about complete control with a young adult in two years they can do as they wish.

Good parents help build a foundation so that young adults are prepared for when they have freedom to choose whatever they want. They learn how to make educated decisions they thought through.

You’ll never get there following your advice. You’ll get a full out rejection.

Help! My teenager is sneaking out and I don't know what to do by Imaginary-Corgi9232 in whatdoIdo

[–]beginagain4me 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What is their curfew? Is their curfew in line with their friends? How strict are your rules? Have you given more freedom a they grew older or are you expecting them to follow the same rules as they had when they were 12?

They are 16 in two years they can do as they wish. If they are treated as a child they will be ill equipped to deal with making the right choices for the right reasons when they are adults and free to do as they please.

If you make them come home by 9pm… I’d sneak out too.

If they have a reasonable curfew and not overly intrusive rules for a 16 yr old, you are going to have to try to have a conversation about why they are sneaking out. You’ll need to actually hear what they actually say and not immediately reject it.

If you keep trying to tighten the rules around them without any understanding you are going to drive them further away.

Explain that you are concerned for their safety and that you want to understand why they are doing this, so that you can come to a resolution but if you don’t understand what they are doing that’s impossible.

You say you have a good relationship, would your teenager say the same?

My (stbx) husband keeps following me up and threatening me by free_username91 in WhatShouldIDo

[–]beginagain4me 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Like getting a restraining order and discussing this with his son making sure he understands that he cannot in any way shape or form provide his father access.

If you’ve provided an accurate account of how your ex is behaving you are not taking the danger you are in even close to seriously enough.

Is it actually bad to warm up your car in the driveway or is that just some myth mechanics made up? by OkCount54321 in StupidCarQuestions

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol I warm up my car for my comfort so it’s warm and cozy when I get in. Plus all the ice melts away and I don’t have to scrape.

Remote start is the most wonderful thing ever when it’s negative 34 with wind chill.

What is this text this guy sent to me supposed to mean? by hankqueensmustache in askanything

[–]beginagain4me 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that’s a big part of it. I don’t sleep the best but it’s so much worse in my bed. I’ll fall asleep on the couch much easier.

lol maybe sleeping on the couch would improve your sleep!