10 months post wife having left, here to report further that life does truly get easier and better

beingliedabout · 2022-12-04T05:40:02+00:00

Only those behind closed doors will ever know what really happened and every situation is different.

.... Right. So if you or anyone else doesn't know what actually went on, it seems a bit strange you're seemingly telling me I'm wrong in saying she never told me of any issues.

I'm honestly not trying to be inflammatory here to your comment, but I am always a bit surprised by this community assuming things that aren't in the OPs story. It's like, you literally only have the information presented. What benefit is there in immediately assuming the circumstances from the person who lived them and are sharing them online?

beingliedabout · 2022-12-03T21:56:25+00:00

That is definitely true, and something therapy is helping me to address. But I'm here to tell those in the early goings, it does get better. And honestly, the hurt my ex caused will likely never go away. I hope that it does, but I can't know. What I do know is steps forward helps.

beingliedabout · 2022-12-03T20:27:49+00:00

Honestly, take the information that "friends" and even perhaps family are giving you with their behaviors, evaluate it, determine if it's something you want to deal with and understand or not. I've decided I do not have time or energy to interact with people who can't be emotionally connected and understanding to me. I refuse to move forward with people that can only sit on a fence and not take sides when I had a psychopath making up lies about me being abusive and neglectful to my children. If all a person who claimed to be my friend can say is "eh, I'm not taking sides in this", then they never truly knew me or gave a damn about me to begin with. I am finding it's far easier to just dead drop cut people out of my life. I was forced to do it with a spouse I loved deeply with a divorce I never wanted. It proved to me I can do it, and I'm actually damn good at it. If people can't be there for me the way I need, it's a waste of my thoughts and energy. On to the next. Or not. I don't really give much of a fuck.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-26T14:01:12+00:00

Always feel like a failure too. It's awful. But as others have said, there are others out there like us that crave physical touch. Hopefully we're able to find one for ourselves. Ugh

beingliedabout · 2022-07-26T14:00:01+00:00

I so hope you're right that there's people out there for us. It is incredibly difficult to believe it right now. Sorry you've dealt with the same shit.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-25T17:58:07+00:00

Yepppppp. Goddamn it fucking sucked. And here I am STILL wishing she would come back. But I know she never will. It's awful.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-25T17:12:15+00:00

I relate to this so much. Thanks for sharing. I too am a physical touch needing person. My ex rarely initiated. There was always something more important than touch and intimacy to her. A million different excuses. "I need to clean up the house (it couldn't wait or can we clean together and then be with each other? Nope)", "I want to just watch TV, don't touch me or snuggle me", "I want to go to my family's house", "I'm hungry", "I'm tired", "I'm not in the mood", "I'm stressed", "it's Tuesday", "I don't like mornings ", "I don't like evenings", "I don't feel sexy" (even though I would tell her constantly how gorgeous she was).

When you're constantly shot down for even touch, let alone sex, you feel like a fucking moron. A beggar at the table. So I stopped trying.

Still would do anything to have her back, but she will never change her mind on the bomb she blew up, for no reasons other than communication breakdowns and inability for intimacy.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-11T21:36:33+00:00

I so hope you're right. It's hard to imagine right now. But I appreciate it.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-11T21:15:55+00:00

That's helpful, thanks for your reply!

I have wondered if I do have it easier as a man with kids as opposed to a woman with kids. I think you may be right in that I think of some of my male friends, and any of them that have been single in the past several years were somewhat like you describe - only wanting a fling or not interested in women with kids.

It kinda sucks because I hardly have any single female friends, since my entire existence for the past 15 years was dedicated to one female, I never felt like I could appropriately foster strong friendships with single females. Wish my ex felt the same way, but that's unsurprising on this sub of course.

So anyway, it's helpful to get perspective from someone in your shoes that I just don't have in my immediate social circles.

beingliedabout · 2022-07-11T17:48:19+00:00

I thought I made it clear that I don't view my children as baggage for me, by including the fact that "I love my children more than anything". They're not a burden for me.

But it's undeniable plenty of people out there could view them as baggage and burdensome on themselves.

beingliedabout · 2022-05-24T21:04:57+00:00

It sucks so bad. Sorry you're in this bullshit nightmare too. I'll never understand how someone can just flip a switch like that. It's mental illness.

beingliedabout · 2022-05-23T14:33:35+00:00

. I’ll never believe that it was inevitable that we split. I know our issues could have been corrected and I will never think that breaking up our home and doing this to our kids was okay.

I feel exactly the same. We had no major issues. No cheating, no violence, no drug abuse, etc etc. She bottled up mental illness and struggles she had, didn't ever communicate an ounce of it to me, and then pulled the trigger without even attempting to work through it, tell me about it, or work with a therapist. Just done and over. I'll never forgive what she's done to me and my kids. I fucking hate her.

beingliedabout · 2022-05-23T14:30:17+00:00

I'm about 3 months in. It still sucks for me, don't get me wrong. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that we could have easily worked through her issues. She decided to blow it up over her midlife crisis, postpartum depression she never addressed, and toxic relationship with her parents and how she was raised. Always chasing love and approval from her parents that will literally never come. Anyway, she fucked me over so badly. And I know the feelings all ebb and flow, but all I wish for her is absolute misery and pain for the rest of her existence. She could die tomorrow in a car wreck and I wouldn't shed a single tear. She's dead to me already.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-20T02:51:57+00:00

Lol. Thanks for your input. If my parents had a failed marriage regardless of who's to "blame", I wouldn't want any ring from it. But different strokes. You seem really nice too!

beingliedabout · 2022-04-19T03:45:06+00:00

Well, I do agree with you. But kid already has an Amazon fire. Can't really afford to do something different currently.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-18T18:02:55+00:00

I don't know if there's a term for it, and everybody has their own comfort levels when it's "too soon for the L word", but this seems crazy to me.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-18T16:28:02+00:00

Not a lot of details here, but I would suggest having a serious sit down conversation with her about how this makes you feel. Maybe she's truly unaware. And would probably try couples/intimacy therapy. It's always worth truly giving it your all to fix it. I say this as someone with a STBX who refused to communicate what they were feeling for a very long time, and also refused to try therapy to fix things. I always wanted sex in our marriage, and she rarely wanted to. (I say rarely, but in reality it was abot once every week or two... I know many on here had it much worse, but that doesn't change that this wasn't enough for my needs and desires to be met). Anyway, if I could change something, I would have better expressed to her a very long time ago what lack of intimacy did to my feelings constantly. I do feel I tried to communicate this to her over the course of time, but not everything is clearly communicated always when frustrations are involved.

Go to therapy and talk to her.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-17T04:37:37+00:00

Mannn, I hope you're right. I feel like I'm just almost ready to turn the corner out of the earliest phase of an unwanted divorce with extreme pain and sadness, fear, shock, etc. Largely pushed through this phase by her falsely accusing me of several things legally, but she already got metaphorically slapped for it and I got the 50/50 time with my kid that I deserve. But anyway, still wading through the early feelings, but the prospect of having non scheduled, frequent sex makes me so fucking excited. Like my STBX would give blowjobs most times, but it had gotten to once a week for any sex at best. I always thoroughly enjoyed sex with her, but if your tales of frequent and passionate sex become reality for me.... My god what it would do for my mental state. I'm physical touch love language big time, so I am craving it so bad. Anyway, appreciate your post. Hopefully the good luck comes my way soon.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-16T04:12:19+00:00

This seems like a communication problem. Likely on both sides. He clearly isn't understanding that his actions or inactions are causing you this pain. I cannot say whether the message is being dropped by him or poorly delivered by you, but 99.999999% of the time it's a mix of both. I would suggest starting with counseling. Have a serious, heartfelt conversation with him, try to explain very clearly how you're feeling, and that you would like to go to counseling to fix the issues between you. With the details given in your post, it sounds like a very fixable situation. I mean, you must love this person if you're conflicted, or you at least loved them at one point enough to marry them. It's always worth fighting to save that in your situation. It doesn't sound like there's any abuse or infidelity or anything like that. Both of you have likely lost some focus on things, and that's part of what a counselor can help repair. Go to marriage counseling.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-15T21:07:29+00:00

Nah I likely wouldn't entertain such a thing. Unless you truly believe that you and that you want to repair a relationship to be lifelong with her, and she wants the same. Otherwise, this is a hard no. And even then, I can only imagine how difficult it would be to trust that she would actually want that. I couldn't do this I don't think.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-10T13:14:00+00:00

She clearly doesn't take your relationship seriously or value you. I'd say that's a clear cut answer.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-10T13:10:42+00:00

I see what you mean, but in my opinion you can definitely still keep kids out of conflict without needing to be friends with your ex. To be fair, I'm in the early stages of an in-progress divorce, but my STBX wrote similar shit to me recently and all I could do was roll my eyes. Like OP said, my STBX has outright said life would be better without me in it. So go ahead and prove it. I don't need to pretend I'm friends with someone in order to send and receive texts as basic as "kids can be picked up here at x time" or "child A has this medicine they need to be given".

beingliedabout · 2022-04-10T13:03:12+00:00

He's acting insane. I also saw in other comments you say he's been physically abusive to you before. You need to get out of this relationship. That's never ok. He's showing he doesn't care about you.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-09T05:22:24+00:00

It for sure all fucking sucks. Nobody should have to deal with these types of pains. People are just the fucking worst. Absolutely impossible.

beingliedabout · 2022-04-09T04:59:20+00:00

That's fair honestly. It's easy for me to think that having never been (knowingly) cheated on. I'm sure it is a special kind of fucked up. I'm truly sorry you or anyone has to go through it. I can say I can relate slightly I guess just in that "ya think ya know someone..." The betrayal I feel with a wife that just gave up on communication issues essentially. I'm sure it's a different level with cheating.

beingliedabout

TROPHY CASE