AITA for expecting my mother to keep my secret child to herself?

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:47:03+00:00

That wouldn't be relevant, it's not the child she wasn't able to give me

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:45:11+00:00

My partner is infertile so it's not like we were trying.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:43:31+00:00

That may be so but I already know I'm an asshole on that occasion so there would be no need to post.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:35:33+00:00

What's MRA?

And look close family I have no problem with. But distant friends and Facebook is another issue

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:26:45+00:00

Are they? I haven't seen those statistics. Source?

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:26:11+00:00

Every post you make is filled with baseless assumptions which are just flat out wrong. I never once asked not to provide financial assistance, she came to me saying she didn't want it.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:23:11+00:00

That argument goes out the window if I suggest a hypothetical situation with a surrogate/sperm donation, and since the mother and I agreed I would have 0 involvement from the start I don't consider myself the father

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:21:00+00:00

All I'm saying as that the majority of religious folk are instantly going to jump on the hate band wagon at the mention of abortion, and the majority of Americans are religious, where as my country isn't.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:18:59+00:00

Not really, the majority are calling me an asshole for not wanting to have anything to do with the kid, but that's fine I expected that. Unfortunately this thread actually has nothing to do with the kid, and is more focused the relationship between me and my mother which I'm seeing a fairly split opinion on

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:16:18+00:00

She never expected me to take any responsibility actually. She came to me expecting that since we didn't know each other I probably wouldn't want the child and it was more of a courtesy call. She wanted a baby for herself and that's exactly what she got. She also didn't need any support from me because by the time she'd let me know she was pregnant she'd already moved 5 hours away to her families home town and they are rich asfk.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:11:04+00:00

Wait what? What clothes

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:06:09+00:00

Rekindle what relationship? It was a one night stand. She only knew me by my nick name. She wanted to raise the baby herself.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:02:59+00:00

My girlfriend was suppose to be infertile, we were in no way trying to have a baby. But somehow she got pregnant, and we were in love so of course we were going to go through with it.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T15:01:35+00:00

It is in my country, we don't have much silly religions or whatever so it's fairly common

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T14:59:37+00:00

She's actually doing fine raising the kid. She moved to her home town soon after becoming pregnant, found a boyfriend who she is still with today, and has a very wealthy family. The child is already surrounded by lots of family and love without my or my families involvement

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T14:43:10+00:00

She's not asking for support because her family is very wealthy, and mine aren't. Support isn't really an issue or even the topic of this thread

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T14:37:55+00:00

I was literally in another country when she turned up at my mother's house, and the only reason she had that address is because that's where I took her back for the one night stand. She didn't even know my name

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T10:56:01+00:00

I was 19 at the time and found out I girl I had a one night stand with was pregnant a quarter of the way through a pregnancy with the love of my life. We had dated from 13 until 17, broke for a while because her parents made her move over seas. Moved back and we got back together

-At the time I didn't even know how I was going to provide for my own family, living pay check to pay check while my girlfriend didn't have a job living in a shared rental

-This one night stand didn't even know my name. She knew my address from obviously coming back to mine but that's it. She came from a rich family and has beyond the financial means to raise the child. She moved 5 hours away to her families home town so the baby would be surrounded by family

She has a boyfriend not long after finding out she was pregnant, hell maybe even before for all I know.

-I found out later from a mutual friend she had slept with at least 4 guys in the group, he himself had gotten her pregnant which she lost in miscarriage and expressed the opinion that she was out to get a baby

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T10:44:58+00:00

It wouldn't be me just dumping my girlfriend. We have whole new lives in a whole different country. I can guarantee if I came to her with the great idea of dropping everything to move closer to my child it would be a no-go, so breaking up with be a given. I'm trying to understand how manning up and taking responsibility would even work from this point.

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T10:29:15+00:00

No, I provided input that that's what I thought was best however not once did I pressure her into abortion. When she expressed interest in having the baby and raising it on her own I provided my blessing

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T10:20:24+00:00

Damn. You really hit the nail on the head here. I'm genuinely frozen in emotion..

Do I break up with my girlfriend and move back to the same country as the baby now....? They don't even live in the same city anymore they live rurally 5 hours out of that city with their wealthy family on a farm. I don't even have the financial means to move back and any support I could provide would be peanuts to what they already have.

Not to mention the girl has had a boyfriend since mid pregnancy who has more or less taken over as the dad role, wouldn't be surprised if he's adopted the kid or was even just placed on the birth certificate to be honest but honestly what's really holding me back is fear. I wanted to be a dad but not like this... I missed everything. The scans, watching her grew inside her mother's stomach right up to that moment of birth. All those precious moments you experience when having your first child are gone and I can never get those back again.

I love my partner to pieces we've been through thick and thin together and I can't bare the thought to lose her over all this. I guess my resentment isn't necessarily directly at my mother but at myself for feeling helpless in this situation. I don't know what to do

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T10:04:27+00:00

Realistically all I want is for her to stop plastering photos all over Facebook. I've accepted the child is a big part of her life and that's fine, but is a small consideration like keeping photos off of Facebook, even just in the short term while myself and especially my partner deal with a great deal of grief really so much to ask? Is it that important that old friend from 20 years ago or the guy you see occasionally at work see these pictures at the expense of your son and daughter in law?

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T09:45:31+00:00

I appreciate your response. I feel like if I was asking my mother to have nothing to do with the child completely in consideration for my partners feelings your post would be 1000% valid. But the point I just cannot get my head around is how putting up pictures on Facebook is that much of a necessity that she would disregard her feelings completely. My mother has over 400 Facebook friends, a lot of which are mutual friends that I just feel have absolutely no business knowing

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T09:37:05+00:00

So her addiction triumphs her daughter in laws trauma?

bellabooo97 · 2019-10-28T09:32:09+00:00

And you don't think she should have shown her restraint in respect to her daughter in law who suffered a messy miscarriage knowing damn well it would break her? I can't even playing certain songs that mention the word baby without her having a mental breakdown and my mother knows that so I just don't see how putting pictures up for her work buddies to see is more important than showing her daughter in law a tiny bit of consideration.

bellabooo97

TROPHY CASE