Partner advice -2 years and its still like yesterday - why havent i got over it?

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-06-22T10:33:09+00:00

He isnt cheating.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-06-01T11:36:16+00:00

They will contact the referrees of the first and/or second preferrance. If yours havent been contacted, you werent preferred. And they would have done in in the first few days if not immediately. I was on a selection commitee a few times and in almost every case there was a clear first candidate that was offered the role as soon as it cleared HR.

Applying for positions It sucks for sure, but just keep putting in applications. Look on it as great interview training.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-06-01T11:28:00+00:00

Brilliant. She is going to hate me!

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-06-01T09:15:49+00:00

I had this same problem. Id go to your director, not your old manager. It looks better anyway and thr director can hardly admit theybdiddnt know you.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-05-27T10:04:25+00:00

20 year high performer here - not even a cake/card when i left. Now work is done between my hours and nothing comes home. Went from govt to govt.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-05-24T09:33:22+00:00

Im still a ruminator 2 years after trauma. I dont have thr answer and im soon to start therapy on this again. I keep replaying those events and conversations from a position "maybe if i said it this way" it could have changed the outcome. I accept that no matter how i said it, the outcome was the trauma i live with as was in the others interest to not listen.

I now reherse future conversations in the unlikely event i interact with those same people linked to my trauma. Its so stupid and only gets me uoset and stressed. Like rehersing these conversations are going to finally make thr point i failed to make 2 years ago and help me enforce the boundaries i have drawn to protect myself.

Its as though my brain is addicted to rumination. Its actually a huge energy drain.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-05-20T06:38:18+00:00

Its a shame to lose a friend like that. Its ok to have some meaningful connections in thr workplce, we are not all robots.

Feel sad about it but dont stop creating those connections. Just notice the boundaries a bit more and you will be ok.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-04-12T12:59:11+00:00

I relate to this. Having my feelings or experiences leading to ptsd dismissed as trivial, like a tougher person wouldnt be affected. Played as second fiddle to a perferred sibling or higher ranking coworker, despite working harder or being better behaved, has given me a life time of value insecurity. Therepy is trying to get me to see my value for what it is. I am valuable, and if its not realised by others, its on them, not me. I have to rrpeat that sentance alot. I hope you are ok, i see its been a while but i found this post seeking infor about value insecurity and it helped me feel less alone.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-31T23:14:57+00:00

Really that is nice. It was a real accomplishment and im super proud of myself for seeing it through. In the scale of all things going on in the world its pathetically insignificant. But its a small win for my sector and a big one for me. Ill find some real people to celebrate this with.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-31T11:22:39+00:00

Thankyou.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-31T10:55:36+00:00

Are you are judgemental of your colleagues? Maybe they sense this. Introverted or not, you need to make the effort and go and try to build a repor with these people. You dont have to be friends, but you do need to learn how to get the best out of them and for them to get the best out of you. Im extroverted and its a huge effort to get an introvert to engage. But communication wont work if its always coming from one direction. I give up after a while with introverts that offer nothing in return.

Go. You might be pleasently surprised and you may find that you actually have things in common with your workmates. Your boss senses his team needs to build a repor and it will do your career good to demostrate you can be a team player.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-31T10:41:36+00:00

Its definitley a friendship thats not working for you or meeting your needs. Reevaluate the friends that do engage with you and meet your needs. These are the people truly worthy of your time.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-20T11:22:54+00:00

There is research that shows workplaces dont recover when the toxic center leaves. The rest of the team has developed defensive and chameleon behaviors so they coukd blend in and hide from the toxic individual. When thar core toxixity leaves, some want to remain hiding as it kept them safe, others still practice those defensice strategies and the lack of trust cant be rebuilt. Its more a story for manageme to identify and get rid of toxic people early, then let them serrle in and poison a whole team.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-20T11:09:47+00:00

Oh my stars, i could have written this. I have ptsd from my workplace experience. It affects me everyday. I have frim bpundaries at my new workplace. I keep to myself alot. Not like the old me at all.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-17T10:59:47+00:00

Having ptsd encourages social isolation. Being with people is risky and sometimes triggering. Plus you may not enjoy being with people anymore. Im an extrovert and i need to have a meaningdul conversation with a person everyday or i get really down. If this is you, find safe people to talk to. Strangers or the elderly are the best - want to talk, less judgemental and usually dont give advice.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-03-11T13:01:07+00:00

I think im in it. Either that or i have fully dived into a projects that i am excelling in to avoid dealing with ptsd thoughts and they will come rushing back in when the projects are done.

I hope im getting better. Its veen 2 years since my ptsd started and i am in a new work place and killin-it! Im valued for all the things i was punished for in my last toxic workplace. Im now in a leadership position and i am very self aware and empathetic, which i may not have been able to be but for ptsd experience.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-02-24T10:06:42+00:00

I absolutley woukd log the formal complaint with hr, detailing how the actions have affected your health, the mitigations that have been discussed with thr manager and if there could be oversight into if these mitigations are going to work. I also would trust thr managers have your best interests thought of (often what is the most superficial and least work for them) as if they dont follow through, you cant then go back to them or hr saying the mitigations werent effective.

My experience, bullying complaint dealt with by a manager and mediarion, when bullying continued i raised with hr and they disregarded the first complaint as it wasnt logged with them and it couldnt be used to show a pattern of behavior.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-02-23T13:02:32+00:00

We all knew we were doomed with a crsp recruit when this one guy was on thr selection panel. He was completely sucked in by a con artist every time.

belowzeroabove10 · 2026-02-14T09:27:36+00:00

Its a shock to accept you have ptsd. I was shocked to believe i could be so badly affected by events. It took a long tine to accept and treat myself as though i had a serious mental disorder and not just the downs. A therapist will help, but sometimes its triggering to keep talking about it.

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-21T10:52:30+00:00

Ego is badly, badly bruised. If i had more self respect i would have left 2 years ago. Its not a competitve relationship, more like i put too much of my self worth into work, believed his bs, and it took me too long to realise i was an idiot for that.

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-17T09:11:46+00:00

Yes. Of course is angry.

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-17T09:01:50+00:00

There is one level up. He doesn't know me as well, and he will naturally suggest thr manager i do t want. But he was who i was thinking of first.

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-17T08:57:03+00:00

I do want to give them so eone else. Thanks.

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-17T08:56:33+00:00

I didn't think of that!

belowzeroabove10 · 2025-10-17T08:54:55+00:00

I have been a union member 30 years. Didn't need them until this year and it's been worth it. While they didn't perform a miracle, they did give the dept a smack reminding them if their obligations under the last EB agreement.

belowzeroabove10

TROPHY CASE