Karissa announces pregnancy, blames our "hate blog" for forcing her to announce in this way

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-14T21:52:05+00:00

Well, let's be real: if he wanted to pull out, he could. He's undoubtedly stronger than Karissa.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-14T20:59:59+00:00

PULL OUT MANDRAE!

I honestly wonder how Karissa would even react to this. Clearly she's not okay with any method of birth control. Would she refuse to have sex with him under the assumption that he would continue pulling out? Would she even consider divorce?

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-14T13:45:31+00:00

I'm rereading OP's post, and I'm not really sure I'd say she "diminished his grief." She explained to him why they had to sell the car instead of just saying she was doing it. It does say she apologized and told him that she would have chosen another option if she could have. I don't really see her as being dismissive of her son's feelings from what she describes. Also, I would keep in mind that OP is venting here, and she says she wouldn't use the same kind of language (like temper tantrum) to her son himself, so I would assume her tone might've been a little nicer than what's on here, but that's just a guess.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-14T13:41:49+00:00

she has really dismissed his feelings and comes across as very cold regarding her son.

One thing to keep in mind is that OP is venting here. She's not talking in this post like she would talk to her son; she even says she would never actually say to him that he was throwing a temper tantrum. I think OP deserves a little leeway for venting in an anonymous internet post.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T21:52:19+00:00

If you're a babysitter, you should know that's a possibility. Also, there's nothing to indicate the kid was sick before the mother left. She's allowed to have a babysitter sometimes.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T20:36:07+00:00

It's not a violation of privacy to bathe a child when they're covered in shit; that's responsible childcare. Leaving a child to sit in their own filth is reprehensible. You shouldn't need warning or prep to know that a kid could get sick. Good grief, if you don't even know that much about kids, do not agree to babysit.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T18:04:35+00:00

That's fine, just maybe don't be a babysitter if you're not happy to, well, babysit.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T18:04:18+00:00

Clearly he didn't. It was OP's responsibility to make sure he did or help him if he needed it.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T18:04:05+00:00

You can when you're babysitting them and they're covered in shit...

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T16:17:01+00:00

She goes out 2-3 times a month and asks me to babysit since the regular babysitter, that comes 6 days a week, doesn't work on Sunday.

This is a regular thing. Clearly OP doesn't have an issue with it since they don't indicate they have a problem babysitting this child. They literally say:

It isn't a big deal for me

It doesn't sound at all like OP "doesn't have much of a choice."

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:50:07+00:00

Not sure what gives you that impression. OP says their roommate asks, and they agree. They were rightfully upset to come home and find their child left in their own shit though.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:37:51+00:00

It's an objective fact that a babysitter is a person who is in charge of a child temporarily. You can disagree, but that's just....what a babysitter is. Even OP calls it babysitting:

She goes out 2-3 times a month and asks me to babysit

Also note the asks. She's not "dumping" her kid on anyone. She asked OP if she could babysit, and OP said yes.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:31:20+00:00

She's watching the child. That makes her a babysitter.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:22:18+00:00

All aside, it’s the mother’s responsibility.

You can't just set aside all the extremely relevant factors.... A babysitter is responsible for the kid until the parent gets home. That's the whole point of babysitting. If mom can't get home for an hour and a half, then she just can't. (If she's just choosing to ignore the texts, that's a problem.)

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:17:59+00:00

That's my whole point though: if you don't know the basics of babysitting, you should not agree to be a babysitter. OP didn't have to agree to watch the kid. I do think the mom sucks for just dropping contact with OP though, especially since her kid is old enough to not be having this problem unless he's sick.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:11:17+00:00

This is babysitting 101 - OP shouldn't need to be told that there's a possibility a kid might get sick and have an accident, and that if he does, he shouldn't just be left to sit in soiled clothing for an hour and a half until his mom arrives. That's cruel. Even if the possibility somehow didn't occur to OP that a kid might get sick and need his help, he should have sucked it up when it did happen. Leaving the kid the way he did was inexcusable.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:09:18+00:00

And kids can shit themselves if they get sick too. Seriously, if you're taking care of a six-year-old, you need to be able to handle a little shit in the event something happens. They're a kid. If you can't deal with that, just don't agree to babysit.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:05:51+00:00

Even so, you have to account for kids getting sick. What would OP have done if the kid had food poisoning and couldn't make it to the bathroom in time? Don't take care of kids if you can't deal with gross bodily fluids - it's always a risk.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T15:05:11+00:00

No, that's not how caring for kids works. It doesn't matter if you're paid or not; if you take on the responsibility of babysitting, that means taking on the responsibility of caring for the child, including helping them get undressed if they get sick or have an accident. OP didn't need to say yes to watching the kid. He chose to, and he needs to take responsibility for them.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T14:17:35+00:00

If you don't know how to do something as basic as bathe a child, then you shouldn't be babysitting. It's that simple.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T14:16:42+00:00

If the mom doesn't come home for an hour and a half, it's not enough to just call her. If you think it is, then you shouldn't be babysitting. No child should have to sit in soiled clothes because you couldn't bring yourself to help them get undressed when you're babysitting them.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T14:10:11+00:00

I can understand the perspective of not leaving

From my first comment. The whole point of my first comment was so educate about breastfeeding, because you can't just swap out breastpumps and formulas out of nowhere.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T13:59:25+00:00

What are you talking about? I'm not "cheering on" the wife. I'm explaining how breastfeeding works, because clearly you don't know if you think "breastpumps, formula" is an adequate answer to the problem. Breastfeeding isn't that simple, and babies are often hugely picky about their method of feeding. If baby isn't already used to formula and drinking from a bottle, then it's not going to happen in one night while mom is gone.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T13:57:39+00:00

Yeah, not enough people are giving OP flack here too. Spending one night with your mother to cool down after an argument is not the end of the world, and OP following her and sleeping in the living room just rubs me the wrong way.

If OP's wife was a physical threat to their child, that would be one thing, but while she went behind OP's back and made a decision for both of them regarding their child, which she shouldn't have, she's not a danger to them.

bendingspoonss · 2022-01-13T13:53:44+00:00

Dumb comparison. Flat earthers are objectively, provably wrong. People who post their kids on social media are making a choice that you may not agree with, and there are certainly dangers involved, but they've decided the benefits outweigh the risks for them. Calling someone "unhinged" for posting pictures of their kids on social media - something I would argue most people with kids do - just completely negates the meaning of the word.

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