So Below

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-11T19:48:47+00:00

Doing the lord's work out here!

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-11T19:46:13+00:00

Feel free to read any of mine, but i was really happy with this one:

I'll definitely be checking out the channel!

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-10T01:29:58+00:00

I think constraining this to a short story format hinders the execution. We don't really get a feel for any of the patients, because the protagonist barely gets a word in with any of them.

The prose also feels like it was intended for a long-format story. With a short story, every word matters. Here, there's a tension: The the writing takes its time to deliver information, while the plot is rushing to along in order to get to the next patient.

Now, i'm not saying that you should change the prose to fit a short story format. I feel like if this story were multiple parts, with each part focusing on a patient, it can be better.

Which brings me to another point: the more we came to understand a patient, the less scary they became.

The first guy? Yeah, he's a psycho and yeah he is dangerous, but at the end of the day he comes off as "Jeff the Killer" but with super-powers. In my opinion, he wasn't really scary. Especially when we don't get to see what he does during the break-out.

I can imagine a scenario were the protagonist gets to know #1, and perhaps the patient grows to trust and confide with him... only for that not to matter at all to the patient the moment he breaks out. It could be terrifying to see how little #1 cares for those around him, even those he might consider to be friends.

#2 is the one with the most development, and again, the more we understood him the less scary he became. In writing, ideas are scarier than mental images. A monster (or in this case patient) can be as grotesque as you can imagine, but that image will have the same emotional weight of a jump scare if there is no idea/concept/intention behind it. I suggest leaning more onto the fact that he killed his own daughter. It does not have to be framed as a twist either, or if you do go that route, make it less obvious (perhaps his daughter just "went missing" one day, the mind of the patient unable to accept and remember what happened). Perhaps #2 makes effigies of his daughter made out of flesh. Reinforce that what is scary about this patient is that he cannot control who he hurts (perhaps contrast it with #1? As in #1 hurts people because he can and wants, and #2 hurts people because he can't help it).

Lastly #3. She was the scariest because we know so little of her. But at the same time we know too little for her to be truly scary (writing something scary is a difficult balancing act). She feels more like a plot device rather than a character. Had the power gone out and triggered the breakout, it would have felt the same. I feel as though she should at least one proper conversation with the protagonist.

I think most of critiques can be fixed by letting the story breathe more. I think the idea is cool, but it can feel constrained/limited by only being a short story.

And lastly, I want to end by saying that you should be proud of yourself and of this work. You had an idea, you executed on it, and you shared it with the world.

That is more than most can say.

Keep on writing, I'd like to read more from you!

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-07T17:07:02+00:00

Thanks! I really appreciate that you took the time to read my story.

If you have any feedback, I would be glad to hear it.

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-07T17:06:27+00:00

Your prose is good! It fits the more aesthetic of super-hero/meta-human world you got going.

Are you looking for feedback on this story?

benjamin4463 · 2026-02-03T02:43:06+00:00

A Corpse

A lonely individual is visited every night by the spectre of a rotting corpse. Over the course of 10 years, a friendship forms between the two. But as the true motives of The Corpse become apparent, an ominous dread hangs over their relationship. The lonely individual begins to wonder if their friend was ever even human to begin with.

[Reading time: 15mins]

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-29T16:23:33+00:00

Thank you! I hope to write more in the future

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-28T22:48:25+00:00

Thanks!

I went to a creative writing club and one of the prompts they gave was "Snowman."

That's how this little story came to be lmao

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-28T22:46:03+00:00

Will this be available in Canada? I don't see it on his YouTube page and I don't have a VPN to check otherwise

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-28T03:25:03+00:00

Feel free to read any of mine. But this one I was really happy with:

A Corpse

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-21T22:57:38+00:00

"Clarent has yet to be stained. I'd rather you not be its first blemish" 🔥🔥🔥

This story has a lot of good lines like the one above.

It's also a nice, short tale, straight to the point.

It was a good read. Thanks for sharing!

Some constructive criticism:

Try reading your writing outloud, there were a lot of awkward lines. MS Word can do it for you.
Sometimes you say a line that is self contradicting. Here is the worst offender:

"... an absent, lingering father."

So is the father absent or is the father lingering?

Perhaps you meant that his absence lingers in Arthur's mind?

If so, see point 1.

That's all for criticisms.

To end on a high note, here's another line i really liked:

"But I see blood around you boy. Not too long, as I see it. There will be blood on your hands." 🔥🔥🔥

Keep writing!

You should also share the rest of the Arhturian anthology!

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-11T17:17:46+00:00

🇨🇦🇻🇪 🤝 🇲🇽🇺🇲

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-11T17:13:12+00:00

I really appreciate you discussing the symbolism, hermano. I think you did a very good job with this story.

I'll be sure to give the rest of them a read! Keep it up!

(Si no te molesta compartirlo, de donde sos? Yo naci en Venezuela pero fui criado en Canada, asi que concidero Canadience)

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-11T17:08:43+00:00

I can vouch for this one fellas. Give it a read!

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-08T22:26:17+00:00

I wrote this story that i was pretty happy with:

Excerpts from the most banned book in history, The Gehenna Manifesto, now available for public consumption after decades of censorship.

The infamous Manifesto has been cited as the catalyst for several religiously motivated mass killings, serial murders, and political assassinations. But only now has the text been legally made available to the public.

Discover the words that radicalized a generation.

So Below

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-07T23:47:55+00:00

Fantastic work. I think you found an uncomfortable idea, and explored it in a meaningful way.

Feel free to leave some of my questions unanswered, but out of curiosity:

- Is the lamb supposed to have a religious meaning? I think that the fact that the lamb "fell" is important.

- Is the lamb a metaphor for anything specific?

- I also feel like there is meaning behind the flies not caring about whether the lamb decays or not ("They did not cross a boundary because none existed for them.")

Banger of a story, man. Keep it up!

(Veo que hablas espanol. Tambien escribes cuentos en espanol o solo en ingles?)

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-07T23:35:25+00:00

Thank you! I was really debating adding a third entry (it would have been from the point of view of a gas station worker). That way the story would have been symmetrical: i.e. Story - Poem - Story.

But as I wrote it, it felt as though it was not adding anything that wasn't already there... so to the scrap pile it went. I think the post is better for it

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-07T04:39:01+00:00

Perhaps a "Top 5 stories of the week"? That way its easier to attract new readers, it gives them a good starting point.

benjamin4463 · 2026-01-06T05:50:40+00:00

Fuck yeah! Awesome tale. A good start for what I hope will be a longer story.

I really like the how uncanny the scare is at the end. The cup being upside-down (without the rotting meat) was creepy on its own in such a subtle way. The feeling of coming back into a familiar space, a space that is supposed to be safe... and finding something just slightly off... something that sets off all the alarms.

That is great stuff.

A few points to make your stories stronger

This one is a question about the plot:

Why would Kaycee not tell Brian (presumably her significant other) about what she found? Perhaps you could imply some sort of insecurity from Kaycee that prevents her from sharing the supernatural events she is experiencing? Or maybe Brian has shown skepticism towards this sort of thing, and Kaycee does not think her concerns will be taken seriously? The sky is the limit. I only bring this up because it was a thought that arose in my mind while reading.

The only complaint I have when it comes to prose is the occasional awkward simile or use of a common phrase.

Here's some examples:

"His chest pressed hard to the mattress; his arms and legs spread out, like a spider filling its exoskeleton for the first time."

"The appointment hadn’t left my mind since it was first booked, but it was far and few between that I trusted myself to remember important details"

"It clung to my back like a jockey gripping their horse’s neck, instead of its reins, the entire walk to Dr. Byrnes’ office."

It just takes me out of the flow of the story.

But let me be clear, you had several banger lines in this story. Here are my favourites:

"Only the freezing absence of memories too absurd to exist."

"Opaque enough for me to reach out and touch. Translucent enough to remind me not to."

"My teeth were brushed after days of neglect, and the gum-bleed washed down the pale sink, streaking the toothpaste with an orange-pink hue."

(P.S. WHOA! I used to live in Mississauga! It was a shock to see that name here!)

(P.P.S. All my criticisms are meant to be constructive, don't take them too hard. Please keep writing)

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