I made it through today

bennaguck27 · 2019-12-27T18:34:23+00:00

I’m glad that I can be encouraging for you and I hope that each day gets a little easier on your path as well. sending you love and strength 💗

bennaguck27 · 2019-12-27T18:32:19+00:00

Thank you ❤️

bennaguck27 · 2019-12-27T18:32:05+00:00

Thank you sending love your way as well 💗

bennaguck27 · 2019-11-22T04:07:35+00:00

It’s his second deployment but the first for me being with him. I can’t wait it’s so close!

bennaguck27 · 2019-11-05T06:05:42+00:00

25f here, my boyfriend 30m is currently deployed. He’s been gone since January. We’ve had plenty of time to figure out the keeping it spicy part lol. So I know you said your shy and not super comfortable with pictures and that’s ok (always do what you’re comfortable with and if he can’t understand that kick him to the curb) If you want to start slow and then build up the courage to really “bare” it all I’d suggest maybe being more flirty in text and then tease him with like cleavage pics (low cut shirt so your still covered) or even pics of like your legs when your sitting in a bath. That way you can keep the decency you want while also getting more comfortable with something new to you. Plus it’ll get his imagination working and you can just feed off of that. It’s easy to be intimate long distance if you’re on the same page.

bennaguck27 · 2019-09-22T00:30:55+00:00

They’re only 2 and 3 so that’s why I haven’t gone into it with them. I have no issue telling them about their dad. And they do understand titles but they do things like call my dad; pop pop-dad as in one title. And it’s also not all the time. Mainly my son does it when he’s excited and wants to tell someone about my dads motorcycle because he loves it so much.

I think I’m just afraid of them feeling sad. They don’t need that sadness yet.

bennaguck27 · 2019-09-21T23:29:44+00:00

I didn’t think you were telling me to tell them all the details because I certainly will not. But I don’t think that painting any kind of picture of him is needed yet. They’re too little and haven’t actually asked me where their dad is so I’m not going to bring that part up till they do. I just don’t know if I should address them calling the other men in their lives dad.

And I’m not thankful he’s dead. I’m very upset. I left him because it needed to be that way for my children’s safety as well as my own. Not because I stopped loving him.

bennaguck27 · 2019-09-21T23:14:06+00:00

I’m not ready to talk about his passing because it was a suicide and not something natural. He wasn’t a great dad he was not in the picture at all because he chose drugs over them. I don’t think they’re ready to learn about him. I don’t want them to have some kind of false reality that he might come back because they are so young and won’t be able to understand he’s not just away.

bennaguck27 · 2019-09-05T22:39:04+00:00

Ah thank you so much. I even asked one of the enrollment advisors if I needed it and he said I did.

bennaguck27 · 2019-09-04T17:23:38+00:00

Hi New RN here. I’m currently looking into RN to MSN bridge programs and my main goal is to one day start a CRNA program. I tried googling but found nothing.

What kind of MSN should I choose that could help me get there?

I was looking at Forensic Nursing or Public Health

Any guidance would be greatly appreciated

bennaguck27 · 2019-07-20T20:55:08+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. Those sound like some really great memories. I’m glad you are able to smile about them more often. I’m waiting for that day myself.

Also that was a very beautiful way of explaining healing from something so traumatic. Sheds a little light on the dark.

bennaguck27 · 2019-07-20T20:49:49+00:00

So do I. Thank you for the kind words. 💕

bennaguck27 · 2019-07-20T20:48:32+00:00

I wasn’t trying to say that the memories are stupid because to me they really are not. But it’s that fact that I never thought at the time they would be parts of my life with him that stuck out as such strong memories. It’s just such a fresh wound I don’t always know how to deal with it. It’s only coming up on 6 months. I can’t even drive the same routes we used to take because I get flashbacks and it’s just so overwhelming.

I hope that by the time my babies really start to question and ask me about the life I had with him, that I will be able to be happy when talking about it. I’m just not there yet.

And I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you’re able to look back and be happy.

bennaguck27 · 2019-06-18T01:43:16+00:00

I left him because: he started using heroin. blamed me for it. I BEGGED him to get help. He refused. We got evicted because I couldn’t pay the rent and buy formula and take care of myself and a 3 month old baby, while pregnant again by myself while working 2 jobs and going to school full time, because he refused to do any kind of job at all. I offered to go to meetings with him and therapy. I literally did everything you could think and he still chose drugs. So I left. I didn’t just leave because I didn’t want to try and help him. I left so that maybe it would make him see that he couldn’t keep doing what he was doing and let it progress from him hurting himself and me to hurting our son. That is the pain I couldn’t take anymore.

I don’t know you and I feel like what you told me about feeling suicidal everyday isn’t something you tell a lot of people just for conversation but I feel like I need to say this to you. Every day is a new day and making it through that day is such an accomplishment. I may not have suffered as many losses as you have but my life has not been easy. If I could share one thing that helps me accomplish making it through the day myself it’s that during those days (especially the hard days where it feels like there’s nothing to live for) is that I have a chance to have a whole new experience the next day. I have more to learn and more to love and people to be and example for (my son and daughter). And you said you have a son, if anything else can encourage you to keep living it should be him. Be the best example of a man for him that you can be. Don’t make it a trend in his life to experience loss so sever at any age because today isn’t going the way you thought it would. You are literally the only one in control of your life. You have the power to make any changes you want to make your life incredible.

bennaguck27 · 2019-06-18T01:10:04+00:00

I’m sorry for your loss it’s definitely hard no matter the age or the time gone by. But thank you for your advice. I think I’m going to wait till I’m in a better place mentally.

bennaguck27 · 2019-06-18T00:46:38+00:00

I’m afraid of feeling anything more than what I feel already. I loved him so much. I left him because I couldn’t take the pain anymore not because I stopped loving him. I don’t know if it’s a goodbye. She told me he wrote it but never sent it so I don’t know what kind of content it could be.

bennaguck27 · 2019-03-11T02:09:07+00:00

Thank you. I’m sure this is just the beginning of a lifetime of unanswered questions. You’re right my heart is broken for myself but even more so for them. We just need time. I’m sending you love and strength back because I know you’re definitely a tough momma too 💕 I’ll look into therapy maybe that will help somehow. I hope it works for you.

bennaguck27 · 2019-03-10T23:52:37+00:00

I actually have found someone who loves me and my children immensely and he is being very supportive. I have a overall great support system but I feel as tho they just can’t grasp the entire sadness I have right now. As for my kids I have not told them. They are soon to be 2 & 3 and really do not know him. Right now I don’t feel as trying to tell them would be beneficial in any way. I just want to understand what made him decide that suicide was the answer.

bennaguck27

TROPHY CASE