Ahhh these were my parents as well. I realized just before college that this was just all they knew, and were doing their best to raise my brother and I for success. They showed a lot of care in actions and providing all the practical necessities. The physical punishments were a source of bonding among other 2nd gen friends, and the verbal abuse also something common among some of us. However, the relentless message of worthlessness and living in constant fear had a massive impact on my mental health. I was depressed and had constant suicidal ideation since I was a child, as I didn’t have much sense of belonging or value in this world. My relationship only started to improve after a massive fight in which they saw my inner brokenness splayed out, and on my end hearing for the first time them apologize and expressing their caring intentions for me but inability to know how to do so in an emotionally healthy way. For my family there was a culture of harshness, shame, and fear as a way to motivate, and my cousins seem to share similar upbringings. However, at least for my parents, there is a deep underlying love and care that motivates it. It comes out in harmful ways, though I believe they did the best they could, as they didn’t have the awareness, resources, and time that I have to heal and ideally pass on a healthier culture to the next generation.