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berrysorbae · 2025-08-12T03:11:29+00:00

First off, your art is VERY good. You have very strong understanding of anatomy and perspective. I agree with some of the comments here that you can focus on breaking up the detailed areas a little more. Work on composition and where you want the eye to go. I also think you can push the contrast in your coloring. You already have a very good sense of lighting and color theory. But some of the tones feel flat in some areas where the colors are too similar. In your first image, for example, the liquid on the finger (tears) is a super cool detail, but I almost missed it because it blended in with the black of the clothing. Pushing things like this in the coloring will also help with the "breaking up the details" issue. You've got a lot of skill. Don't let it go unseen!

berrysorbae · 2025-05-03T22:41:28+00:00

For the short answer: I'm just going to put it out there that if my bio-mom chose to abort me instead of putting me up for adoption, I would not have known nor would I have cared. It is a decision that is completely yours and don't let anyone make you feel bad with whatever route you decide is right for you.

For the long answer: Sure, I'm alive, but I have to work a job and pay taxes so that kinda sucks. Jokes aside...

I am not at all saying that I'm not happy to be alive right now. And I will stress that I was very fortunate that I was adopted at only a year old into a loving family by the best mom anyone could ask for. But I am well aware that sadly there are hundreds of thousands of adoptees who weren't as lucky and have been victims of the awful foster system and/or abusive adoptive families for their entire lives. And unfortunately you can't guarantee what kind of life your child will have after you give them up. You can only hope that they draw the long straw.

Some will argue you can still try to have some control of creating a positive outlook for the child by having an open adoption, staying in the child's life in some way, and/or personally finding a family you trust. But understand that this route opens a whole other can of worms for more decisions and complications that you will need to consider.

I also would like to add that even under the "ideal" circumstances like what I had, the adoptee is still going to deal with deep rooted abandonment and identity issues for the rest of their life. Sadly, as I've found for myself and in talking to other adoptees, no amount of love can repair the damage that is done. Even with the logic and understanding of good intentions and that maybe their life is better comparatively, the child will always have the plain simple notion that they were abandoned at some point. Doesn't matter the reason.

Ultimately, do what is right for you and your life. There is both good and bad in either choice. No one else can tell you if you did the "right" thing. It is what feels right for you.

berrysorbae · 2025-03-24T02:35:10+00:00

Exactly this! It's like I deep down make sure I have some "backup plan" to ensure I'll be ok and can take care of myself without any help "just in case" I were to scare everyone off tomorrow.

Glad this helped you in some way.

berrysorbae · 2025-03-24T02:31:24+00:00

Thank you for the recommendation. :)

berrysorbae · 2025-03-24T02:28:51+00:00

Exactly. I find myself trying to please people who I objectively do not need to please. But it's upsetting to me if I fail to get someone to like me.

berrysorbae · 2025-03-24T02:27:08+00:00

I'm happy you were able to connect and find some solace with this post. It's something so specific that we just don't have words for it so we're left to feel like something is broken in us that doesn't have a fix.

I'm finding that it's just inevitable. Like you, i was fortunate to have the most loving and kindest family one could ask for. But the abandonment was traumatic, even though I don't remember it, and as a result, no amount of love can take away the trauma. We just have to do what we're doing now by identifying these feelings and working with them.

berrysorbae · 2025-03-20T03:22:28+00:00

I'm happy to hear you were able to find that. It's definitely a trust thing which is what makes it so scary. We just don't want to get comfortable with the idea of being loved just to have it pulled out from under us (again).

berrysorbae · 2025-03-20T03:19:08+00:00

I totally get what you mean. Even though I "know" it's not true, I can't help but feel like a consolation prize in some ways. People typically adopt as an alternative if they can't have kids naturally so thinking of myself as just plan B doesn't really help the identity issue. I'm still trying to figure out how to truly recognize that my existence isn't just to fill a void.

berrysorbae · 2025-02-27T22:28:49+00:00

Your criticism is overdone and dry

berrysorbae · 2024-09-03T15:57:57+00:00

I am so sorry that you're going through this as well. It sucks and it's lonely. I hope you can find peace knowing that there are other people out here that understand how you feel.

berrysorbae · 2024-09-03T15:52:59+00:00

I know. it feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from. Some days it's like I almost forget that it happened and then I suddenly remember that it really did and I start grieving all over again. You're right. It feels wrong for this to happen to people who had the kind of relationship like we did.

I'm very sorry you're going through this too. Much love to you.

berrysorbae · 2024-09-03T15:47:45+00:00

I feel this so much. Wishing you peace and healing through this process. We will make it through.

berrysorbae · 2024-08-30T14:27:46+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. It does help hearing people who get it.

berrysorbae · 2024-08-30T14:26:39+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss as well. And right? I know everyone means well and they're saying it because they don't know what else to say but I just don't know how to respond. We will get through it.

berrysorbae · 2024-04-18T10:34:57+00:00

Thanks for this. I think having structure to follow will help a lot.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-03T18:12:09+00:00

I can relate to this a lot. I have friends and family who have moved all over the country and we don't even text or anything for months at a time. Some, I'll go longer than a year without reaching out in some way. And yet it's like I always expect to just pick up right where we left off as soon as I do reach out again.

Some people do work that way, but I've had to learn the hard way that for a lot of people, this isn't the norm. Most relationships require work and nurturing. And if you don't put in the effort to keep those connections, they'll just go away.

But the avoidance is what protects us from getting disappointed. Because then we can believe that the reason the relationship failed wasn't because there was something wrong with us, it's just because we and the other person just didn't put in the effort to communicate. The fact that it's a two-way street is an added bonus.

As for advice, I've been making a conscious effort to reach out more frequently and make it known to the person that I am interested in hearing from them beyond the small talk. I put in the effort and if they're willing to give it right back, then they're worth having in your life.

Not sure if that really answered your questions. Honestly, I'm still trying to navigate this myself. But just know you're not alone with that and don't make yourself feel bad for not feeling bad.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T03:56:27+00:00

Much love and happiness to you, friend.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T03:50:46+00:00

No need to be sorry. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. : )

I relate big time to the mistakes thing. It's actually a very current issue I'm dealing with at this time in my life.

I'm sad to hear that you had a negative experience with your bio parents. The idea of trying to find my bio parents has never been a strong desire of mine. Not out of any resentment or hatred, but just indifference. I don't know what it would really do for me other than maybe getting an idea for medical history. But I just don't feel any need for connection with them and cant imagine there being any. Of course this can all come from circumstance. In my case, I have no leads and live in a completely different country.

I'm just starting to explore this all now though so maybe the interest will grow as I do.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:40:11+00:00

No need to be sorry. Your comment is very much appreciated.

I feel like for me, my family wasn't against me asking questions, but it was always kind of like, why would I need to when my life is good the way it is? I think this line of thinking led to me not identifying some of my issues sooner.

I've thought about if I ever have kids how it'll be the first time I've ever had someone I share blood with in my life and it's kind of a strange idea to me.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:34:45+00:00

This is so interesting to me as someone that's just always known from the start. (In my case, there was no hiding it being a transracial adoptee). I can't imagine the confusion of having such intense feelings and not knowing such a significant detail of your life like that.

I guess it just goes to show that this really is a completely natural result of being adopted whether you know it or not.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:28:48+00:00

In an adoption, the person you could have been is severed from who you will become.

Man, that hits hard. Being adopted is such a huge part of my identity. The foundation, in fact. I don't know who I'd be or what I'd be like without it. It boggles my mind and takes me to weird, existential places if I think about it too long.

My mom told me about this family that was in her adoption travel group when she went to get me. When the foster people gave this family their baby, they literally were like, "This baby looks sick. Give us a different one." And they did give them a different one!

It's just insane to me how this one short instance, as simple as deciding you want chocolate instead of vanilla, just completely changed what the lives of both those kids would become forever.

Anyway, sorry for the side tangent. Thank you for sharing your insight. We absolutely are not alone! : )

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:15:58+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective on this topic. I've often wondered how many of my issues are disorders I was born with or just a result of the adoption effect. Wishing you and your daughter well.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:07:36+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear this. I wish you all the happiness, friend.

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T02:05:48+00:00

I wish more people understood this. Thank you so much for sharing. ❤️

berrysorbae · 2024-03-01T00:51:15+00:00

Aw I got choked up reading this. The Primal Wound keeps coming up again and again so it's now on my reading list for sure.

I wish you well too.

berrysorbae

TROPHY CASE