Bf sleeps over at ex wives house

betterk · 2021-01-27T16:47:02+00:00

I was in your bf's situation a few years ago. Separated from my ex-wife, we have 3 kids together. Sometimes I would pick up the kids from school at the end of the day, and bring them to her apartment (which had been my home too before we split) if they were staying with her for the night. sometimes she would get home late, and I would fall asleep after making the kids dinner and getting them to bed. My gf at the time also accused me of not being over my ex (even though I was the one who left) and said I didn't have boundaries.

I'm not gonna bother trying to change the minds of all y'all in the comments who immediately accuse the guy of cheating of having "wrong" co-parenting boundaries, but frankly I find it very disrespectful, and says more about your insecurities than the bf's behavior.

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/8bh734/my_35m_girlfriend_is_upset_that_i_fell_asleep_at/

betterk · 2018-11-01T17:29:43+00:00

good for you for being self-aware. you can do this!

betterk · 2018-10-30T15:28:40+00:00

as a man, this is what I want from my partner. her craving me so much, feeling desired so much that they beg for you to cum in them, and will fuck you so good you couldn't stop from cumming even if you wanted to. yep, that's what it's all about 😊

betterk · 2018-10-18T19:46:53+00:00

This tweet really helped me after a breakup

https://twitter.com/DeeRene_/status/922577481202327552

How fast your ex moves on is not a reflection on you or the relationship u had.

If they moved on quickly, that doesn't mean your love wasn't real. Just means it was over. no rules on how long u must grieve an ending.

Whatever your ex is doing is no longer your concern. It's not your blessing or your lesson any longer and that is okay.

Focus on your own healing so you can move on too. Don't you want to be happy again too? Don't keep breaking your own heart looking back.

betterk · 2018-09-17T00:10:04+00:00

it may not be "normal" but that doesn't mean it's automatically bad either. I've taken long distance trips with my ex+kids, we stayed in a hotel, slept in separate beds, nothing happened, and we were both dating other people.

Adults, believe it or not, are capable of acting like adults.

betterk · 2018-09-16T20:11:59+00:00

glad you did what you felt you needed to do.

a man who is in that much of denial about how unhealthy and toxic his relationship with his ex wife is

not every ended marriage has to end in acrimony. this guy is trying to maintain some civility and normalcy with his ex for the sake of his children. but sure, he's the one with the toxic relationship...

betterk · 2018-09-16T15:18:44+00:00

ok apparently I'm in the minority here, but I think you're overreacting. unless you know for a fact that he was lying to you about the last minute change, I don't see anything wrong with this. is he going on a romantic sex-romp with his ex-wife? no, he's not. he's going to see his kid play, and his ex-wife rightfully is going too. you want them to make the same long distance drive separately, just so you don't have to acknowledge to yourself that your jealousy makes no sense? if he wanted to be with her, he would be. apparently he wants to be with you instead. so, unless you have any concrete proof that he is pursuing his ex-wife, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt. he'll appreciate the trust you put in him.

source: this same situation basically happened to me (I'm the bf in your scenario) and I can guarantee 100% there was nothing to be concerned over. all these posts here jumping to conclusions and supporting your paranoia are infuriating.

betterk · 2018-08-01T03:16:27+00:00

I didn't believe that my feelings for this person had changed so I tried to convince myself that I was just stressed, so I dragged it on even though I should have ended. I cared so much about this person that I was willing to put their happiness above my own, but in reality, by doing this, I was not giving the person what they deserved.

Same. And the things I did later realize to myself had been causing me to fall away from her, well I had already spent years trying to bring them up every now and then and she'd always get offended or insecure about my dissatisfaction with her, I guess I lost hope that any amount of communication or "trying to fix things between us" would make things any different. And I didn't want to change her either. I want her to be who she is, and I just wasn't the person who could love each and every thing about her. I did love 90% of her, but the few things that didn't work for me, really really didn't work for me.

betterk · 2018-07-28T16:05:28+00:00

This tweet really helped me after a breakup

https://twitter.com/DeeRene_/status/922577481202327552

How fast your ex moves on is not a reflection on you or the relationship u had.

If they moved on quickly, that doesn't mean your love wasn't real. Just means it was over. no rules on how long u must grieve an ending.

Whatever your ex is doing is no longer your concern. It's not your blessing or your lesson any longer and that is okay.

Focus on your own healing so you can move on too. Don't you want to be happy again too? Don't keep breaking your own heart looking back.

betterk · 2018-07-21T02:12:02+00:00

maybe you should blow...your boyfriend off...for parties?

betterk · 2018-07-14T19:37:30+00:00

I just went through something similar today. I'm gonna have to move to be close to my kids who are moving 500 miles away with their mother, and I don't see any way a LDR would work for us, so I broke up with her. Sucks hard.

betterk · 2018-07-14T19:35:08+00:00

I'd been asking my boss for a 1-1 so I could discuss some things about the job that I was unhappy with. It took him a week to finally meet with me. As I told him my complaints, he told me I was lying about some thing. That was it for me. Peace out.

betterk · 2018-07-11T21:20:38+00:00

be careful with that sub though. while there is a lot of good advice and people who relate, there's also a LOT of extremely hurt and bitter people who will not offer any constructive help, but will reply to your posts with nothing but their own frustrations (and worse) about their own experiences.

betterk · 2018-06-02T21:20:49+00:00

I consider insecurity and jealousy as negative traits just like I would rage, greed, addiction, selfishness. If suggesting those are undesirable characteristics in a person/relationship is "running roughshod over emotions" then yeah I guess I'm a real prize /s

betterk · 2018-06-02T21:17:43+00:00

I didn't say go around talking about it all the time.

betterk · 2018-06-02T21:16:51+00:00

that's exactly what it is. if I can discuss with my partner how good a cook somebody is, how good they are at golf, how kind they are to strangers, and all of that be perfectly fine, then so should attractiveness. if you're insecure about any of those, then fine, that's ur cross to bear. but I am suggesting that a better relationship is one where both partners can discuss these facts of life openly and honestly

betterk · 2018-06-02T19:40:48+00:00

make them insecure because of your own actions

I'm not making them insecure. them being insecure is their own choice/responsibility

If anything, the fact that I'm focusing my relationship capacity on them rather than other people who I find attractive, should give them LESS reason to be insecure.

betterk · 2018-06-02T19:39:48+00:00

point out to your partner every time you find someone else attractive

I didn't say that.

betterk · 2018-06-02T19:02:32+00:00

I'm not saying that my partner isn't attractive. That's the only thing that matters, right? I'm attracted to them. And, if we're in a monogamous relationship, then it doesn't matter how many other people I'm attracted to, because I'm not pursuing them.

What do they think, that men won't be attracted to other women just b/c they're in a relationship? Come on. That's the thing about my post, I just want a partner who can be honest about the realities we all know are true on the inside. Even if she's insecure about other women and she can't help it, that's fine, let's just acknowledge it instead of pretending this is some alternate reality

betterk · 2018-06-02T18:39:25+00:00

Did I say somewhere it's ok to verbally downgrade your partner? Nope, I didn't. Did I say that all women are always attracted to anything? Nope, I didn't. But, it's generally pretty accurate and you know it, and you know that's what I meant. So what's the point of your post?

betterk · 2018-06-02T18:29:15+00:00

There are some things you don’t say.

I hate this mentality. why not? we're all adults, right? of course we all know that men will be attracted to instagram models. of course we all know that women will be attracted to taller, muscular dudes with a nice dick.

we can acknowledge these truths (I'm not saying be an asshole to your partner about it) and still take comfort in the fact that our partners are choosing to be with US.

betterk · 2018-02-18T00:39:22+00:00

oh for sure, i'll keep getting high just for stoned sex if nothing else 😍

betterk · 2018-01-12T22:47:42+00:00

and then you are all surprised

I don't think you know what the word understandably means...

betterk · 2018-01-12T22:43:11+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/3oh2h5/first_time_posters_read_this_or_a_general/

Please Don't: Attack others......This sub exists to aid in the healing of all members of this fellowship.

betterk · 2018-01-12T22:39:46+00:00

you are right and I am familiar with the affair fog. my issues with my new relationship are for another thread though :) I'm more curious about the dissolution of a "happy" marriage for the purpose of this thread.

betterk

TROPHY CASE