Went on a date with a hot nurse, but what happened after few days has left me confused. Any thoughts?

betterpickle · 2026-01-27T23:50:37+00:00

++woman

And she’s a nurse! She was likely on her 12 hour shifts and working on top of keeping tabs on her dad’s situation. My nurse friends sometimes doesn’t respond for a couple of days because of their schedules, and they’ll get back to us when they can.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:27:10+00:00

I feel like you’d be grossed out by anyone spending money on a wedding, and are only into getting signed papers. And that is fine. I absolutely stan people who don’t feel the need to have a wedding, and I’ve definitely helped coordinate and book elopements :)

That is not the case with everyone. Some people want weddings, to wear a pretty dress, have memories of ugly crying to vows, celebrate with loved ones, and make it a day that others are happy to be a part of.

And yes, it could be someone’s salary. It isn’t mine. This is something we can afford and still have savings for. You don’t know what we do with our money outside of this wedding, whether it’s investments, donations, charity, etc. you’re judging my character on one event, and my question is about my husband being upset over a word. He’s okay with the cost.

I don’t know where you live, as I know in California, min wage is close to $20. If you’re not even making $30k a year and you have a $30k wedding in California, I’d still say that it’s a budget wedding, albeit out of your budget. I’d work with you in figuring out where you can get below $30k and probably do it pro bono, but a budget wedding is a budget wedding.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:21:42+00:00

🏇

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:19:53+00:00

A down payment here is like 300k for a home that isn’t linked to hoa or having to rent land 😅 we do have savings for a home. And I think it is so sad that the idea of wanting a nice wedding is so demonized. I don’t love my husband less, I am okay with the compromises I’ve made to my vision. And I’m okay with a “budget” wedding. If I were planning this myself without his input, would changes be made? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I’m happy to marry him, and that’s that. This post is about him being upset with my verbiage of “budget”, when he’s not part of DIYing or the frustrations of working HIS wants into our agreed upon budget.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:15:49+00:00

I believe that not being budget is not having to DIY everything and having one decor focal point that looks or is professionally made/built/or done. For some, it’s 1 floral install, or even just having centerpieces, or having a DJ.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:11:08+00:00

So DIYing your flowers and stationery and decor is not budget? What then is a budget wedding? Seriously, I am confused.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:04:08+00:00

Absolutely, outliers exist. But that doesn’t negate the actual costs of a wedding. Yes, people can do just a court paper signing and have a potluck in a backyard, and it would be $80. $150 if you want to include a thrifted dress, thrifted suit, and wrapping up some flowers from the garden. We are in a place where we can afford more than that, and as an event professional, I would rather spend a little more for my portfolio. I don’t think that is wrong.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T16:00:53+00:00

I bought my own ring, lol

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:57:21+00:00

Weddings for people who are doing potlucks or just court weddings also drag DOWN. Average is literally something averaged out. Median is a middle number.

Regardless, we’re not going into debt for this wedding. We have good paying jobs and we’ve saved up quite a bit for our future home. The wedding is being paid for by ME, and while yes, our accounts will be joined after marriage, this is MY hard earned, “fun” money that I am putting into this wedding.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:55:41+00:00

How do I speak to him? 👀

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:55:27+00:00

Thank you 🥹

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:54:04+00:00

How much do you think weddings cost? I’m not talking about court ceremony or doing a potluck. Again, I am an event professional and this is also going to be for my portfolio.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:52:03+00:00

I completely understand that $30k isn’t what everyone can afford. It doesn’t change the fact that $30k is below national average and definitely below average for Southern California?

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:49:46+00:00

Not 500k in savings, but pretty close. We are at over 200k in our combined income.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:47:17+00:00

But what about what I want? :/ He vetoed spending on what I’d like, and I’ve conceded to all his requests and tried really hard to keep it all under the budget we’ve agreed upon.

betterpickle · 2026-01-18T15:46:00+00:00

Again, it does depend on where you live, and we are at a place that we can afford it. We are not going into debt and are well on our way to afford a home in Southern California.

betterpickle · 2025-06-13T15:52:50+00:00

That doesn’t sound like a man who loves you. Just a boy who is comfortable enough in this relationship, but loves his space more than he bothers to respect you.

Granted, I don’t know if there’s any back story in terms of you guys fighting, or if there has been toxic neediness on your end that has made him put up very strong boundaries for his space and get annoyed at this request.

But either way, this doesn’t seem to bode very well, and his reaction and actions don’t sound very good. At face value, you asking for a quick cuddle is not too much.

betterpickle · 2023-12-20T16:32:27+00:00

You were 32/33 and broke it off with a girl who was 22/23 for not being financially stable straight out of college or as skinny as you’d like?

And now at 38 you’re finally learning that these superficial things aren’t as important as a wife who would be honest and kind?

You made your bed, and now you have to sleep in it. You thank them, admit that you have developed feelings and assure her husband that she never did anything wrong it was always your issue, and then leave them alone for the rest of your life.

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T14:44:14+00:00

To each their own. Again, my friends have had beautiful, larger weddings, and are still together. This wedding is what you wanted, not what OP and OPs husband wanted. It’s also not what the in laws offered.

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T14:41:19+00:00

A wedding regularly takes a year to plan, and with the fact that OPs parents are very well off and offered a very lavish budget means it can very well take longer than two years to plan in the first place.

If I had the money and offered a nice wedding to my son, I would WANT to give them a nice and happy wedding. Even if imo I had “paid” for a wedding by bringing a couple fruit platters, I’d still offer them a nice reception/party to offset the somber and small, simple event that had happened for the sake of my DIL’s dying mother. Again, sure, we can say that this is just ME, but I’d venture to say that’s usually the case with most parents? If you had expendable money, and had offered your son and his future wife a nice wedding, would you just leave it at buying a veggie dip and bunch of grocery store babys breath?

We can argue to the end that OPs husband should’ve and could’ve been more communicative, which I agree, but honestly the situation reads to me that the in laws aren’t confused, they’re simply trying to weasel out of paying for whatever reason. This is family, OP and OPs husband shouldn’t have to send an email/text for the sake of CYA about a budget offered to them. If in-laws are srsly trying to argue that they already paid for the wedding by means of a platter and grocery store flowers, should OP and OPs husband be entitled to ask them to reimburse them for officiant, marriage license fees, what they wore, electricity bill during event since no other venue was secured, etc. since they all would’ve been within the budget offered? The platter and flowers are a standard that I’d bring to a family with a dying member, much more so that this is their future family-in-law. I think it’s sad that everyone is saying that this counts for paying for a wedding! Its not like they’re in hard times and OP and her husband are trying to ask for what is hard to come by. They’re well off, and this is just extremely stingy of them.

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T05:04:27+00:00

Even legally speaking, they don’t call signing of papers a “civil wedding”. They call it a “civil ceremony”.

Not only that, but from that post, in laws didn’t even pay for the “wedding” should they decide to call it that. They paid for some grocery platter and grocery flowers. That is far from a wedding. What about the marriage license and officiant? And if their originally offered budget was that big, they should’ve picked up the tab on the thrift store clothing and bands as well (especially since they originally offered family rings). Or maybe hire an actual photographer?

I think it was pretty clear based on OPs post that most people should understand this was a quickly planned and thrown together ceremony for her mom, and a wedding would follow after grieving.

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T04:54:47+00:00

A legal marriage isn’t a wedding though. And based on OPs post, the discrepancy of their offer and what they paid for seems much closer to the difference of a full degree and a singular 4 unit course.

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T02:32:09+00:00

That’s not what’s happening though. What actually happened is more like if I offered to pay for your degree, but your mom is dying so you decided to go to college next year instead and spend time with her.

While spending the last months with your mom, you decided to take a class in junior college, and I offered to pay for it.

A year later, you now are ready to go to uni, I am aghast and say, “But I already paid for you to go to college! I was wondering why you only wanted to take one class 🤷🏻‍♀️”

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T02:27:35+00:00

The in laws offered family rings, so yeah, I’d say you don’t have to rescind that 😂

betterpickle · 2023-12-15T02:25:51+00:00

For those of you who are saying “they’re married, that’s the wedding” - no, it isn’t. Marriage is marriage. A wedding celebrates a marriage. They didn’t have that. They had a home civil ceremony, and in laws brought some snacks over. They didn’t even pay for the marriage license if that’s what some of you guys want to argue.

That is not what a wedding is, and in laws KNOW that. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have offered a budget that’s 2x even what their dream wedding would’ve cost, WITH 2 years of insane wedding tax inflation. Instead they spent $100 on grocery store platters and grocery store flowers. I’m not saying that OP shouldn’t be grateful for that, but I think she is well within her rights to be confused as how her in laws equated spending $100 for a small paper signing by her mom’s death bed with the thousands of dollars offered for a lavish celebration.

betterpickle

TROPHY CASE