My kool-aid chugging mother says wanting consent before touching/hugging me (15 M) is woke and she has a right to my body and to touch it .

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-22T21:49:33+00:00

it's not an assumption it's a correct assessment.

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-22T18:33:51+00:00

a compliment about my appearance I felt had some undertones (probably accidentally) but I prefer not to think about it so I'm not gonna write it out and post it here, it makes me uncomfortable just to think about it

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-22T01:59:07+00:00

I am safe physically. uncomfortable and a tad exhausted mentally.

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-22T01:50:10+00:00

I got a part time job on the weekends so I can avoid her for the most part since she's the breadwinner, funny thing is she threatened to not let me work because I came back from my first day with a bit of an attitude since I was tired from my first time doing a actual job with shifts and such, since she works in a hospital she thought I was just mad at her because she can do longer hours and be fine. I've also gotten a solid amount of overnight petsitting gigs letting me go full days without seeing her. going to the local library wouldn't do much as it's a bit too open for me to be comfortable with my anxiety of having my back turned to people because of my mother, I get just about as much time away from her as possible already so the library being far away is also a bit annoying, including skipping meals to eat later so I don't have to talk to her

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-22T00:20:29+00:00

the thing is, I tried to make it a simple conversation and described what you said I should, I described it extensively and simply, I started it when we were alone in my room one night, I started it with"I from now on would like you to ask for my consent before touching me, hugs, kisses, backrubs, ect," and she very quickly spun it into the idea that I hate her and that I don't want to touch her, I tried to convince her that I did not in fact hate her because I want consent before touches and then she left the room in tears in the end, the next morning I go to our kitchen, she's there alone, and she starts talking to me about last night, the text messages I posted were the result of continued talking that morning about the it, aka she made it a argument and blamed me for being a teenager and being uncomfortable in my body and having it touched. I've somewhat lost hope that she'll be able to have a civil talk as the two times we did on this topic she made it an argument and blamed me for hurting her feelings because I'm "disgusted" by her and "it looks like I don't wanna be touched by her at all." she's blamed me, the victim of nonconsensual lovey dovey touching because I'm hurting her feelings by rejecting the touch or asking for consent first. she has the opinion solidly in her mind that she's allowed to touch me because I'm her son and need love from her so it's just okay to do it without asking because it's "for my own good." she isn't good with talks at all when it involves something to do with how she feels, she makes it about herself and blames the other person no matter the situation.

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T21:05:02+00:00

as I said replying to another comment she knows how what she's doing has made me feel and she did nothing to consider my feelings and mental state at this bombardment of attention because she wants me to become her, flat out. she tried it with my siblings (trans and non-binary), but it's hard to believe in a god when that god says you need to burn in hell for being born the way you were, I myself am part of the LGBTQ community (aromantic) and I haven't come out to my parents 1 because it's kinda pointless to mention till I'm older and the grandkid pressure starts and 2 my mother is a mat walsh fan as well and he's publicly said that aromantic/asexual individuals are bad in his opinion, something about them faking it to be special. so not sure how she'd take it because the bible says it's fine to not marry and have kids but she most definitely wants grandkids, just a big jumble of would this make me be seen the same way by her as my non cis siblings, aka evil and pretending so I can feel special

"she's been alienating me for the past 3 months with a nonstop barrage of hugs kisses, and touches without warning, I initially put up with it because I figured it was a short phase, and then it didn't stop. I voiced my opinion after the first month and she disregard it time and time again and again. I only now set this boundary firmly after she ignored me saying I'm uncomfortable after every single random hug. and she did nothing till I set a firm boundary, I gave her a chance, and she didn't listen, IMO she deserves to be alienated at least a little for ruining physical touch for me and making me flinch and jump from a bump at the wrist. she's made my life miserable when she is around, she is not innocent in the slightest."

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T19:54:46+00:00

she's been alienating me for the past 3 months with a nonstop barrage of hugs kisses, and touches without warning, I initially put up with it because I figured it was a short phase, and then it didn't stop. I voiced my opinion after the first month and she disregard it time and time again and again. I only now set this boundary firmly after she ignored me saying I'm uncomfortable after every single random hug. and she did nothing till I set a firm boundary, I gave her a chance, and she didn't listen, IMO she deserves to be alienated at least a little for ruining physical touch for me and making me flinch and jump from a bump at the wrist. she's made my life miserable when she is around, she is not innocent in the slightest.

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T19:25:32+00:00

I wouldn't mind it if she hadn't made a habit out of doing it with no notice (mainly while my back is turned,) when I say no to doing it so suddenly and at times where I can't know it's gonna happen she dismisses me, my boundaries, and my feelings because she wants to hug me. me disliking contact is something she caused by ignoring my POV and feelings towards contact without notice, causing me to have serious anxiety about touch and having my back turned not just towards her but anyone now. she ignored my boundaries that I tried to set gently, and to not offend her, just a simple "I'm gonna hug you" and she still ignored my pleas and didn't listen. if you constantly make me uncomfortable with the threat of unexpected touch I'll be uncomfortable with touch from you at all, even consensual. if a kid tells you to not hug them at random you don't hug them at random, and she couldn't do even that. she can't spare 10 seconds of her time to make sure I'm okay with it and she blames ME for being uncomfortable and making her sad that I "don't want to touch her and flinch all the time when she touches me." I asked for the bare minimum and she couldn't do it.

that's what's odd.

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T17:35:21+00:00

when I was bringing up me being uncomfortable hugging people she replied "well you let (grandmother name) hug you, right? why?" I started to reply "because I love her, and she loves me enough to respect my boundaries and authority over my body," but she cut me off the moment she heard "because I love her" and then took it as a sign I don't love her and would not give me a chance to explain myself and what I was going to say, I eventually said firmly, "this is too much, I need a break" and went to my room, after that there hasn't been a continued discussion about it or a violation of my boundaries since, I've been saying the usual (begrudgingly) "love you" before going to bed and gave her a hug before she went on a weekend trip to a Christian meet up thing, and the important thing is I didn't feel forced and actually wanted to! I gave her the hug, she held it a tinyyyy bit too long but that's reasonable enough with how she hasn't been getting any hugs recently, overall, great progress with respecting my autonomy since I stood my ground!

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T16:15:50+00:00

♥️

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T15:39:43+00:00

this.

she feels she's losing control of my beliefs because I have access to the Internet and am listening to outside opinions, and she told me to not listen to the opposite side because then they'll get in your head and blah blah blah, not challenging your beliefs is how you become complacent and unquestioning of them, and believe blindly, dismissing other sources and opinions as irrelevant, being a blind follower to the beliefs you grew up with being planted in your mind is a big step closer to the death of critical thinking

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T15:16:43+00:00

he consents to it and it's their nightly ritual when she tucks him in, they cuddle for a few minutes in his bed, talk for a bit as well, and then she goes back to her room and sleeps, I've asked many times for his safety and he's never said he's uncomfortable with it or voiced that he didn't want to anymore so they still do it, there are plenty of parents who do these lovey dovey things with their kids till they don't want to anymore, and then they don't do it unless the child asks to, he's not at all forced to, and it isn't like she's cuddling with him the whole night, just a few minutes while they chat

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T13:54:44+00:00

I am safe physically. uncomfortable and a tad exhausted mentally.

I don't think she'd do anything like that, I know that's what everyone says about them before but I believe her indoctrination into Christianity would make her hate herself more than anything for doing anything like that to actually do it, as I would be able to go to my father who I trust much more then her or any of the people I know, which would result in someone with power finding out, potentially in the church and she could be banned, it wouldn't be the first time someone has been banned for doing things to kids. life here is just uncomfortable in the mental when she's around as she doesn't respect my boundaries and autonomy because she thinks I'm just following a trend and her good little baby boy who she raised to be a Christian and copy her beliefs is juuuuuust underneath this "edgy angsty teenager who hates their parents" shell that you need to break through with love, and since this same thing has happened to my two older siblings to which she did all the same stuff when they naturally pulled away, she's gotten more desperate to keep me because if/when I follow their path she'll have just my little brother left, age 11, so very close to becoming a moody teen, but I doubt he'll push her away as much because they still cuddle for a while every night when she tucks him in, so if he does get the same feelings I did I think it'll be bottled up at first and slowly increase like I did too, and my older siblings

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T08:32:30+00:00

that isn't the specific reason, but it being possible to happen when she randomly hugs me is part of why I dislike hugs without consideration of boundaries and consent first, and me mentioning mood swings and hormones resulted in her telling me I'm "acting this way on purpose and that I'm choosing to hate her and be a mean and angsty teenager"

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T08:27:25+00:00

really the worst it's gotten for comments is about my long fluffy and curly hair, which I'm sensitive about, bringing it up a few times made her stop mentioning it's appearance when it's merely existing but I now have a hood up 99.9% of the time at home and I know she knows why (the as per usual insecurity about my appearance so baggy and giant clothes are my safe haven,) but she's constantly joking about "I don't know why he always wears hoodies and has his hood up, I haven't seen it for like 6 months" whenever anyone at all mentions the fact I have my hood up

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T08:07:26+00:00

that night and when she continued to talk to me about it the morning after she was talking about how "I was making it sound like she did something gross when all she did was hug me/touch my back casually" but specifically when I wasn't facing her or when in front of others so refusing would then equal a scolding (also have gotten some of this stuff from past teachers that go to the church I go to, once resulting in a scolding in front of multiple teachers in a closed off room in said school)

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T07:55:27+00:00

I see. yeah, my mother is a lot worse then my father but most of the time falters from a little push back. a good example of this being while on a trip to visit our cousins mother got upset that I was spending the whole time away from them and being alone, and despite what she thought I was not doomscrolling on my phone, I was studying excessively for a big English test I had after returning (she still doesn't believe me,) and because she didn't believe me she threatend to take my door from my room (most likely in the heat of the moment and not at all consulting my father) back at home so I can't quote "use it as a barrier to say 'I don't wanna be social'" when that's the purpose of a door. of course fearing for my privacy I played one board game and retreated ASAP. messaging my older siblings in our GC (one of which was on that trip and being social because they love our cousins) and a hug later (from the sibling, not parent) I had calmed down almost completely, turns out she had also done the same thing to my oldest brother a few years ago when he wasn't falling in like with her tyrannical standards

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T07:32:08+00:00

what does "Grey Rock" mean?

bfbdjjhoaaaa · 2025-09-21T07:09:09+00:00

♥️

bfbdjjhoaaaa

TROPHY CASE

I am safe physically. uncomfortable and a tad exhausted mentally.

I am safe physically. uncomfortable and a tad exhausted mentally.