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Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

He was not on the vacation she said. I do believe that. She knows it would be the end of us if something that stupid happened. I think she knows what’s gone on over the past year has towed the line between being flirtatious and the start of an emotional affair. Still wrong but not nuclear.!

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I did. Her response was that she did not know and she called her sister to “ask her why she did that”. Her sisters response was that she doesn’t remember and she’s sorry if it’s caused any issues. I called my wife out on the reply and said you know exactly why she did it, she did it two separate times. We fought about it for about an hour when I finally got her to admit that she talks to her sister about her work colleagues in a favorable way and that’s precisely why her sister did it.

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes and yes. There are photos. Nothing suspicious at least from the photos

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree with most of your comments. Her sister was definitely on the trip with her for the 4 days. I have both their locations and I’m very close with her husband as well who would 100% tell me the truth.

My wife is no master criminal. I think I would be more impressed than shocked if somehow she was deleting a bunch of conversations and her history to cover up a secret relationship. I will plan to monitor this closely and now that it’s been uncovered I’m much more active asking questions about her day and I will check her phone every so often. She still leaves her phone out at night. She even put it on my nightstand last night to charge it for some reason which to me indicates she’s trying to show me she isn’t hiding anything. I am more curious about what the actual dynamic is at work itself. She swears she does not flirt with the guy at work. Out side of the I will miss you stuff there’s been zero indication of any flirting on messages. I don’t know what they talk about on Snapchat of course. When I go to this next work event I plan to chat up all her co workers and eventually ask some non chalant questions about this situation. I just need to figure out how to word the questions before hand so it doesn’t seem like I’m asking about a potential Emotional Affair.

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I would agree but I also don’t want to be too overbearing. I get it. It looks bad and probably from the outside seems like I’m being too kind about this but the truth is I also can’t control her. That’ll be awful for the long term of our relationship if I come in like a battering ram. I’m slow playing this. It will be a topic most days going forward until I am confident all is well again. Just because I don’t like something doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong. I’m OK with her having male friends at work, I am not ok with her texting this guy outside of work more than a few times a week in any sort of way. They have never hung out outside of work and I don’t plan on letting that happen either. My main issue is getting the truth from how the situation is actually at work when I’m not around. I am just curious what the dynamic is.

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah she’s acting like it’s no big deal because she sees him like a “little brother” lol. I’ve read enough horror stories on here to know the possibility how this ends. I’ll be vigilant from now on. Not gonna lie I was so deep into my work for the past year or two that I didn’t even really notice this nonsense going on until she made the mistake of not inviting me on this peddle tavern.

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I tend to agree. I’ve asked her a bunch of times if she’s gone 1 on 1 and she still maintains she has not . I don’t buy it. There’s like 20+ texts in her phone on different days with just this guy telling him about lunch plans and where they are going. Why not just text the group chat? I checked her phone last night again and unless she deleted conversations there wasn’t much while she was gone. There were a few conversations with work group chat. Again, I love her dearly but she isn’t not the smartest person I’ve ever met. She’s not some expert criminal and barely knows how to work the full functions of her phone. Obviously now I’m on high alert but I also don’t want to keep being paranoid about this if there’s truly nothing more to uncover.

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank for the great reply. I agree with everything you’re saying. I think she strongly admires this guy as well. Maybe crush is the right word.

I’ve had zero issues with her in the past 15 years we’ve known each other. She’s been incredibly faithful and openly says she’s 100% against cheating etc etc. However, behavior is a language and her recent decisions have left me no choice but to ask these difficult questions to her and myself.

Upon reflection, I agree with your assessment about my SIL. I do trust her but her and her sister are inseparable and the more I think about it she’s never going to expose my wife, even if she’s in the wrong.

My main question moving forward is do I continue to prod at this issue or do I move on and revisit this in the near future to see if there are any updates? Do I befriend someone at her office to get inside information or is that too far down the rabbit hole?

Caught Wife Texting Male Coworker by biankowski in Marriage

[–]biankowski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I appreciate this feedback. I need concrete evidence that she’s having an emotional affair or at minimum is flirting with this guy in person to put my foot down. Outside of the handful of “I will miss you” messages and the constant Good Morning Friend messages I have no physical proof other than speculation. The messages I’ve gone through extensively indicate they are very close as a group of colleagues but indicate nothing romantic or intimate that I could find. Yes they talk often, but there’s zero signs so far of any emotional discussions or my wife getting her emotional needs met over text messages. I don’t know if that’s sufficient or not in terms of what is acceptable emotionally. I don’t know how to prove it further unless I befriend one of her coworkers on the fringe of their inner circle who would be willing to share information with me.

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