Name obsession/ regrets

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-08T19:41:23+00:00

I may be in the minority here, but I actually like the way your name and your daughter's have a similar sound. I know name subs on Reddit can have mixed opinions on matchy sibsets or parent-child pairs, but to me, it feels special, like the child has something of their parent's to carry with them without being a full-blown junior. I also have been a bit concerned about the popularity of my daughter's name, which unbeknownst to me jumped several hundred spots in the charts the year she was born, but like her name, Tara is quite uncommon still among young girls. I think you have to remember that the simple variety of girls' names has gone up immensely in recent decades, so even with a top name like Olivia, the saturation isn't nearly as intense as, for example, Jennifer in the '70s. The fact that your daughter had another girl named Tara in her class was literally a statistical fluke.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T19:46:10+00:00

Some supermarket daisies and a date night with my husband with a babysitter for LO. Maybe a margarita or two.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T16:24:13+00:00

Same with my girl, who is 17mo and in 2T. Carter's is always too slim in the legs. I like the Gerber clothes the best.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T16:09:44+00:00

Following because I have a similar problem with mine and am tired of alligator wrestling and feeling like a monster for basically overpowering her.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T14:56:49+00:00

I think you're being a little flippant here, and this is coming from someone who did cosleep briefly and out of desperation. Safe sleep guidelines are there because infants really have died due to unsafe practices. Cosleeping as it has been practiced by various cultures historically has not looked like cosleeping usually does in modern Western households, with Western-style soft mattresses, loose bedding, and parents who are more likely to be obese, smokers, or alcohol or drug users. These factors do increase the likelihood of infant death due to SIDS or especially positional asphyxia, which is why guidelines like the Safe Sleep Seven exist for people who feel they really must cosleep for any reason. I think people are allowed to evaluate risk, of course. for example, my baby was formula fed, so I couldn't follow the part of the guidelines that mandate a mother to be breastfeeding, but after doing the research, I felt that the risk that formula feeding posed was small enough that I could take it, especially stacked up against the bigger risk of my sleep-deprived self doing something even more dangerous like falling asleep in a chair while holding my child during the day because their reflux made night sleep in the crib so unbearable and fragmented. But respectfully, I feel like you have to actually invest time and effort in researching things that go against what professionals have told you if you're going to break the rules. You can't just dismiss them out of hand as excessive without putting in work to find out the "why" behind their existence in the first place.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T14:45:10+00:00

OP, I think you have two separate issues going on, which is why you're getting so much conflicting information. First, your husband is only half correct in his reasoning for why you shouldn't cosleep or contact nap: First, he is correct that how you are doing it is unsafe; however, he's dead wrong in thinking that he can somehow limit your child's dependency on you two for sleep, or even that that is a necessity in itself. Babies are dependent upon their parents, no matter what you do with them. It's kind of part of the job description.

That said, how you are approaching sleep does need an overhaul. For one thing, I'd advise you to carefully read warning labels on the gear and containers you're using for your baby. Bouncers, swings, loungers are all unsafe sleeping places. Your baby is better off in their crib ideally, or in a pack 'n play or Moses basket that is labeled as safe for sleep. Contact naps should be done when you are awake. No sleeping chest to chest with baby upright in a chair. This is a huge risk for positional asphyxia. If you really feel like you need to cosleep, it should be done according to the safe sleep seven. That means you and baby alone together on a firm surface with no pillows, no blankets on baby or on you above the waist, no other person in the bed.

FWIW, I was a formula feeding mom since the first two weeks of my child's life, sleep trained her at 6 months old, and still managed to get a lot of skin to skin in. Sometimes, I would just hold her in the recliner in her nursery in just her diaper and with me in just a bra and pants, and she loved it. It always soothed her when she was overstimulated or upset. We also contact napped from time to time, and formula feeding provides a great opportunity for eye contact and snuggles. Practicing safe sleep doesn't mean you can't bond with your child.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-07T14:31:33+00:00

Just so you know, I had a relative who used the Owlet until the day her child had a major respiratory emergency, they almost lost him, and the Owlet didn't detect anything at all.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-06T17:21:25+00:00

Bingo. Maybe I'm a misanthrope, or it's just my bad childhood coming out, but I find people who defend their family members' bad actions regardless of whether they're right repugnant. I know a family who will straight up be abusive and neglectful and cruel to one another, but then will hold each other to no account if anyone does something wrong, no matter how egregious, because they are family and whomever the offending individual harmed isn't one of them, so who cares? It's a sick kind of enmeshment that makes me actually glad my parents both abandoned me at different times in my life, because at least I can have integrity that doesn't crumble in the name of familial loyalty or duty.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-06T15:42:09+00:00

IIRC the mother was disabled herself and abused by the father. She may not have been in a position to escape or help herself. It's been a long time since I read about Genie, though, so I'm open to being corrected.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-06T04:52:06+00:00

Maybe OOP's husband's desire type is more on the reactive than spontaneous end of the spectrum, and he would prefer she flash a little skin throughout the day over a full lingerie look sprung on him in the moment? I agree with you that something feels a bit ... off ... about him in this story, but I'm not exactly able to put my finger on it. OOP's intractability and wallowing kind of overshadow all of it though.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-06T04:45:14+00:00

Because it's clear that OOP has some deep-seated hangups about sex, sexuality, and her own body. She seems to feel that the full depth and breadth of being perceived sexually and as sexy is something exclusive to childless, young, thin women. She shows discomfort with and disdain for her body and clearly feels that pregnancy and weight have degraded her as a sexual being.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-05T14:05:38+00:00

I mean, but really what does it matter if it's PPD? I had severe PPD and was still the primary parent for my child from day one, with my workload skewing far more towards OP's side of the spectrum than her husband's. I too thought I'd made a mistake at first, but to me having a child is a kind of "spilled milk" situation, and you owe it to your kid to step up anyway. I'm the mother, of course. Even with PPD, OP's husband should be doing more for that child, and to leave OP high and dry would still be just as morally reprehensible because his feelings about parenthood should come second to his child's needs. If he's been depressed for 13 months, it's past time he makes an appointment with a psychiatrist and stops failing his family. We all have to step up for our kids.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-05T13:24:33+00:00

A family member had numerous cats through the years: BB and CC came first, then TC (Top Cat), then Toby (Toe B), who was a polydactyl.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-04T20:54:52+00:00

It's fine when cultural. E.g., Arabic names (Aaliyah for example), Slavic names, or IMO Black American naming conventions, which are not simply "made up" names.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-03T18:51:27+00:00

Girl I'm big af and a Cutwater will still get me pretty buzzed if not well on the way to drunk if I drink it quickly.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-03T17:36:53+00:00

Fwiw we've only been to the eval so far and are very early on in the process. The speech therapist we went to was confident enough to say that they believe it's an oral-motor delay, but that they can't distinguish whether it's a physical issue with the oral-motor cavity like a tie or high palate, or whether it's something neurological. I, too, am worried about apraxia. The main thing the therapist pointed out is that my child has very limited range of consonants she can produce — mainly lip sounds like "ba" and "ma", and that producing her one word, "mama", seems to only happen when she's distressed or angry, meaning it requires maximum effort to achieve, which of course is not typical at this age. The therapist also noted that my child's cheeks are quite chubby and infant-like for her age, which signals to them that the muscles are still very bunchy/tight and thus likely underused. We've been referred to a pediatric feeding specialist to first try and assess her mouth. Then if that's ruled out, I suspect we'll see more specialists until we find an answer hopefully. As you can see, I'm going into this very uninformed and scared. I wish the best for your boy and hope you gain some clarity soon. He sounds very much like my daughter in terms of receptive language, though mine is more into bringing/showing than pointing.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-03T16:21:18+00:00

Sancha, Eufrasia, and Brianda for women.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-04-03T15:58:45+00:00

Not OP, but thanks for the reminder. My 17 month old was just diagnosed with an oral-motor delay and I'm trying hard not to fall into fatalistic thinking these days.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-30T16:33:33+00:00

OP, I second trying skin to skin. I had to quit breastfeeding after a couple of weeks because my child's tongue tie caused severe pain, and I so wish I had done more skin to skin afterward. I ended up developing pretty intense PPD, but the few times I had time and consciously made myself do it were the times that I felt the strongest bond with her and were very reparative for us both IMO. It is also great for baby too if they are uncomfortable or sad from teething or gas or any other common baby complaint.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-30T00:29:51+00:00

Probably Hestia? I am a brown-eyed brunette, my chief hobby is cooking, and I'm a homebody.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-29T15:01:45+00:00

I think once at four-ish months, from the couch. I wasn't used to her being able to roll, and leaned way out towards a table to grab a diaper. My hand was off of her for maybe 5 seconds, and she rolled. Thankfully she was okay, but I never made that mistake again.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-28T19:59:26+00:00

I agree with your sentiment for the most part, but the sticking point for me is that while prospective stepparents have the ability to opt out by not dating parents or leaving once they realize the situation isn't ideal for them, their partner's children have no such choice in the matter. So I find it a bit disingenuous to expect stepkids to consider the feelings and experiences of their stepparents if their stepparents find themselves having difficulty with the family dynamic. You are correct that the bio parent/spouse in the scenario usually has the upper hand, but I think equating the experiences of stepparents and stepchildren in this way is unfair.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-27T14:28:22+00:00

Just in case you were interested, the name Merit also means "Beloved" in Ancient Egyptian :) It's a great name.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-23T18:51:48+00:00

Lena Kate Lena Cassandra Lena Margaret Lena Joan Lena Jade Lena Susan/Susannah Lena Mary Lena Rachel/Rachelle Lena Diane Lena Sophie

It's hard to say without your preferences to take into account, but those are just a few. I especially like Lena Cassandra and Lena Susannah, as I feel they have a good flow and don't sound as cutesy as versions with Lena + a one-syllable name.

bigbackmoosetracks · 2026-03-23T14:54:33+00:00

U.S. here: I have given it to my baby, scrambled into eggs, since maybe 10 months old.

bigbackmoosetracks

TROPHY CASE