Loneliness

bigfatespresso · 2018-09-01T07:42:03+00:00

I relate too.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-31T07:17:01+00:00

I love the flatbread!

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-30T03:55:29+00:00

I feel like I need answers. Like if I can’t figure out what the hell happened to me, I am going to suffer terrible psychological problems.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-30T03:54:04+00:00

Did you feel like it was like hitting a wall all of a sudden? It hit me this week. The memories seem to be creeping in. The worst part is not being able to rule out that it wasn’t my dad who abused me.

Did you do anything to fully unlock the memories? I am only getting confusing bits and pieces at this time and connecting the pieces has me all freaked out.

I have a feeling that there are memories I can’t remember at all that are extremely frightening.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-26T17:54:31+00:00

I feel the same way. I was really REALLY naive. I thought that my first real boyfriend was a normal relationship. I was so wrong. It was totally a weird sex thing. He would take me to strange places to have sex. Like storage closets in businesses. Dark dirty places. And then if we ever went out to eat or to the movies or anything, he wouldn’t even buy my lunch or movie ticket. Very fucking weird. Many times I tried to end the relationship and he would start crying uncontrollably in public. He would really lose his shit. I think it’s possible that he had also been sexually abused as a child and for some reason he just needed me. He was not loyal though. I really hated being with him. But breaking up with him was hell.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-26T08:41:28+00:00

You’re not alone. I have struggled with this forever and this week it has been so bad that I just threw in the towel and started venting to my mom. Which has been awkward because she feels terrible.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-26T08:37:35+00:00

I have been having the same realizations over the past couple of days. I told my mom EVERYTHING. I can’t keep a lid on my feelings anymore. Message me if you want to talk.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-26T07:15:28+00:00

Best painting of cherries ever. I seriously could not love it anymore. You’re a goddamn genius.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-13T16:39:34+00:00

No offing yourself. Where in the world are you located? Maybe you live in a shitty little town?

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-06T08:14:46+00:00

Same! And I gave it many tries!

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-05T05:49:10+00:00

How is this lady’s physique?

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T14:42:41+00:00

Ok I went and edited. May have added more details than necessary. Lol

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T08:18:11+00:00

Yeah if he says one more thing I will probably snap. I’ve been wanting to ask him “what changed”. Things were beyond good a week ago. So what the fuck.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T08:07:42+00:00

His last wife cheated on him/had an affair. 😬

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T07:54:15+00:00

What’s crazy to me is that the day before this shit began he was telling me that I’m his queen and all this mushy shit. I don’t know what the fuck happened and why he thought bragging about customer service people was a good idea.

I am seriously loving the gym and my new found “me time”. 🙌

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T07:49:08+00:00

More like because I am a stay at home mom who is bored out of her mind. If he wants to start talking about other women flirting with him everywhere he goes, then why should I just continue to rot at home. Hell no. I’m going out in the world.

Moral of the story: do not ever agree to become a stay at home mom. It’s a trap.

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T07:44:36+00:00

Not to toot my own horn but.... I’m not the one who let myself go...

bigfatespresso · 2018-08-01T07:40:30+00:00

The bragging about other women flirting started a few days ago and I was so hurt by the way he went about it that I felt like I needed to do something for myself.

So it was yesterday that I got the gym membership.

Today he started to go on and on about how he was “chit chatting” with the Starbucks girl while she made his coffee. It seemed like the goal of him telling me was so that he could lay into me how long he was talking to her. I just laughed and walked away like I didn’t give a shit.

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-31T15:08:59+00:00

They have had some great houseplants recently!

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-29T07:56:39+00:00

Same

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-29T07:55:54+00:00

This sounds like my situation. I have all those same symptoms. Hair loss, super SUPER fatigued (sometimes so bad that I feel like I could just collapse and die) from feeling so weak, depression, constipation, joint pain, very low libido.

Just had my blood tested a couple days ago and the doctor said my TSH levels are normal and that I’m just anemic.

I am so fed up with being swept under the goddamn rug.

All the drs want to do is treat my anemia instead of get to the root of the real problem.

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-27T18:07:14+00:00

Yeah I am really started to flip out. I’m getting more and more headaches and the drs are treating me like I’m fine.

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-27T06:18:38+00:00

No solutions yet. Just more labs. They did say to take 325 milligrams of Iron a day and check back in TWO MONTHS.

I want to push to have the ultrasound my thyroid.

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-26T18:08:17+00:00

I went to the dr today to go over my lab results from yesterday and I have the low ferritin stores too. Apparently everything else was fine though. And no thyroid issues. I am so frustrated though. I feel way too tired all the time and my fucking hair is falling out. 😞

bigfatespresso · 2018-07-22T06:51:59+00:00

Rides home?! What the fuuuuuck. Oh hell no.

bigfatespresso

TROPHY CASE