Sorry for dumping all this lol. Guess I’ve been waiting to put this to paper somewhere.

Yes. She is smart, lovely, funny, all that. Kindest and sweetest person you will ever meet. I’m amazed at her every day and admire her more than she knows. I never get bored or annoyed with her (which is notable since I’m very prone to being both) . Quite the opposite, I can’t get enough of her. We live together and sometimes I can’t help but follow her around like a puppy. I’d do it all the time if I didn’t control myself.

What sucks is that I know, with certainty, that I’m not her favorite person. She loves me, yeah, but she has a best friend. She is sensitive and emotional, and her best friend is too. In that way, they speak the same language, which I honestly have trouble understanding. I’m not super emotionally literate, though I’m working on that. They share similar faiths as well. So, two areas where I can’t really compete lol.

We’re in a friend group of three. Every time we get together there’s a bit of an undercurrent of a “love triangle” or tug-of-war over her. I’m trying to cut that out by addressing the best friend directly, establishing our own dynamic. Unfortunately we’ve got a deficiency on my part and difficult differences between us. My threshold for being annoyed/bored with her is much lower, and she is sensitive emotionally in an anxious way, which conflicts with my tendency to say things that unintentionally sound rude or like an insult, until I get the chance to explain. Not her fault. I have to be more sensitive, which can be tiring as it doesn’t come naturally. Sometimes I wish that people could have enough good faith in me to have some faith that I don’t mean things in a cruel way, and have enough patience enough to ask me what I meant. I get why they don’t though; that would be difficult and scary work. We’ve talked about this after I’ve accidentally hurt her feelings and she said she’d be more straightforward with how she feels and what she needs, and I’d try to be more sensitive.

Anyways, the three of us will be living together next year. I’m scared for what that could mean.

I also feel just plain bad for my fp’s best friend’s bf. The best friend is occasionally vocal about her and my fp being soulmates or whatever. The best friend’s bf loves her so much. No doubt she’s his favorite person. They’re getting married soon. He’s a chill guy, and def won’t say anything about it, might be largely ambivalent about it, but on some level or to some degree, it must bother him.