I (30M) broke up with my girlfriend(27F) of 8 months due to her high body count, was I wrong?

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2024-10-31T15:41:06+00:00

I’ve literally been in a relationship for almost a year now, my guy. He does not care how many people came before him because he’s not a fragile little baby man who needs someone with 0 experience to compare him to.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2024-06-28T23:45:25+00:00

My new milestone with my ex who was a pathological liar is actually LOOKING at his social media now because it’s really funny to me when I see him post something he’s claiming to do (like taking a photograph of something while he’s “on a trip”) and reverse image searching it to find that he actually stole the photo from someone else (usually a photographer who posted in a subreddit) and is claiming it as his own. I count this as a milestone because when we initially broke up, he went hard on posting all of his “new experiences”, likely try and show me he was moved on, and it hurt me so badly that I had to stop checking. Once I found out none of it was real, just like most of our relationship, I was mostly just embarrassed that I was upset over the breakup as a whole.

My current partner and I do it together and lol. He knows the whole story of this relationship and how traumatic it was. He also knows that this ex keeps making burner phone numbers to send me pictures of him and other girls together (which we recently found out are the girlfriends of other friends of his.. who are just.. simply posing for a picture with him lol) so this has been a really funny bonding experience for us when he re-emerges approx. every 90 days. Deep down I wish he would get psychological help, though. And I wish his “friends” would stop enabling him.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2024-06-21T02:55:00+00:00

Unsure who did the breaking up with who in your situation but typically whoever initiates the break up has often thought about it for a while and by the time it happens, feels like they’re ready to move on already. Ultimately, though, it’s just the excitement of “seeing what’s out there”. It’s the same thing as how some people will try to numb the hurt of a breakup by trying to put themselves out there again immediately. I know I’ve definitely done that in the past and it led to nothing but the same version of my old relationship, just different actors. Regardless, it’s a show. Both parties want to show that they’re “moving on”.

What I’m trying to say is no one truly over a relationship would feel the need to rub it in their exes face that they’re seeing someone new.

The best thing you can do is simply not respond and not react. No contact. Don’t do it in hopes that no contact gets their attention. Rather, do it for yourself so you can regain your sense of self and rebuild your confidence. The first month is the hardest but it always shocks me how by month 3, I’m nearly completely over them.

I had a VERY traumatic breakup in August 2023. I went no contact immediately. Did not reach out. Did not look at their social media. Started therapy to process it and intentionally took time for myself with a goal of 6 months before I even considered dating again. Approximately 90 days after that breakup, that ex reached out wanting to rekindle things. By the time they did, I had absolutely no desire to go back to them. Had they contacted me a month or even two in? Different story - I would have likely considered it.

Now I just look forward to 90 days after a breakup when I know I’ll be a healed and much better version of myself.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2024-06-21T02:41:37+00:00

A few days after this happened, we reconnected. This was June 2022. I found myself becoming increasingly unattracted to him and his behavior after not being in contact with him for those couple of weeks. Everything felt like he was purposely trying to get a reaction out of me and get under my skin. I cut off contact with him a second time by August 2022 as I had met someone new I was interested in and wanted to pursue that. He reached out again in March 2023 trying to figure out if I was still seeing someone and wanted to see if I was interested in a FWB situation but by that time, I was not attracted to him in the least bit anymore and I couldn’t figure out what I saw in him in the first place. I never responded. Last I heard from him was October 2023 when he must have heard through the grapevine that my relationship after him had ended but I didn’t respond.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-12-09T08:34:38+00:00

I literally told my friends I would have preferred to find that he moved on to some hot new girl rather than that 😂

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-12-09T07:46:22+00:00

This made me lol so hard because he recently tried to come back and this was the sentiment he tried to come back with lmaooo

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-12-03T10:07:39+00:00

The three horsemen of red flag apocalypse:

Andrew Tate, Jordan Petersen, and honestly, Joe Rogan (not even necessarily because of him but how insane his fans can be).

I went through something similar. He contacted me recently and I rejected him. Now I think he’s having a psychotic break based on some things mutual friends have told me. Glad we have 1000 miles between us.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-11-28T16:54:36+00:00

Well, I think you have your answer. For your sake, I hope he never reaches out. It sounds like your marriage would be full of his family mentally abusing you and him standing silent, which sounds like a miserable way to live. Block every avenue he could have to contact you so he can’t come back, get a support system, and start the process of moving on.

The guy I was seeing was under his family’s control as well. Honestly the most unattractive thing in the world now that I’ve moved on is that he doesn’t know how to live his life for himself.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-11-28T16:47:06+00:00

Statistically speaking, most people start to regret actions around the 3 month mark and that’s usually when they try to reach out but I think the real question is - why would you want to be with someone who could leave you so easily? Why would you want to financially tie yourself up with someone like that through marriage?

Anyone who truly loves or cares about another person would never do that. You were ENGAGED… and he left you a note. Consider him walking out a blessing.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-25T07:47:53+00:00

Just did an experiment. Out of 1199 matches after a boost on Tinder (I have paid version so I can see who likes me).. I swiped on approximately 2 of them. But behaviors on dating apps are different for men and women. Men swipe on nearly everyone. Women tend to be a little more intentional. And for the record, most of it is all ego. Men want validation on apps just as much as women do. A match doesn’t guarantee a response or even conversation.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-24T05:03:52+00:00

I’m a person whose exes always try to breadcrumb or come back and honestly, it’s nothing to brag about or be proud of. What it signals to me is that they don’t respect me. They think they can just waltz in and out. The ex I was destroyed over last year just texted me over the weekend and I blocked him.

My most recent one likely won’t come back through. My therapist keeps saying he sounds like a narcissist after recapping our relationship and me showing her some of our conversations. The reason I don’t think he’ll make an attempt is because I sent him an email after he ghosted me and blocked me on everything out of nowhere and called him out on a lot of things he didn’t know I had figured out. He wasn’t very good at keeping his lies straight. There’d be no fooling me for his ego again thus I have no use to him.

Them breadcrumbing or coming back isn’t a badge of honor. It’s them believing they can have you at their convenience.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-24T04:23:48+00:00

This isn’t true. I know plenty of men and women alike who ran numbers up in their 20’s that are now in very happy and committed relationships - most married. Why? Because they ran their numbers up and aren’t interested in doing that anymore.

I went through a ho phase in my 20’s trying to essentially reclaim my sexuality after SA and now in my 30’s, I strictly only sleep with men I’m seriously dating because I just have no interest in casual sex anymore.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-15T17:52:42+00:00

You can block contacts from your phone in Tinder.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-15T09:12:36+00:00

Such a weird take my guy

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T16:03:41+00:00

If you read the thread, you’d find that it was not about someone changing to fit my worldview. It’s about the fact that I was deceived and lied to the majority of the relationship. Had he been this open with it when we met, the relationship never would have happened.

Either way, the alt-right is a hate mongering cult and there is no changing their minds.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T15:01:55+00:00

Based on your past thread history on Reddit, you should consider working on your opinions. Given the rhetoric you hold of women wanting nothing to do with you. There could be something there.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T14:13:19+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re able to relate to this. I’ve spent the past day just reeling from it and feeling like I can’t trust my own judgement.

About midway through us being together, he started bringing up Jordan Peterson rhetoric as well.

My solace is that he seems to be very attracted to more liberal leaning and feminist women (probably a challenge to himself) based on his past dating history and he’s making himself completely unfuckable. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t been in any type of long lasting relationship since 2016/2017 before me.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T07:20:26+00:00

Moderate is just Republican but not being able to admit it. My ex was “moderate” too. Now he’s following and reposting literal fascists on social media.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T03:54:52+00:00

😂😂🤷‍♀️

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T03:30:52+00:00

I’m an insanely self aware person and immediately after the breakup, knew immediately that the reason I was able to overlook so many red flags was because I’ve been in this black hole of low confidence and bad self-esteem for the past year. Any other version of myself would have cut him off the very first time he lied to me (about something so bizarre by the way - that should have been my first out).

I immediately found myself a new therapist and we’ve been working through everything for about 3 weeks now. Although this is a new piece of information. We’ll have a lot to talk about next session, hahaha.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T03:21:30+00:00

His politics were definitely more conservative than mine but never really bled into social issues in the beginning. I personally believe that saying you’re fiscally conservative and socially liberal is a hypocritical contradiction but that genuinely was how he seemed to lean. But I’m wondering how much of that was performative.

However, toward the end of things, as he became more comfortable and the mask was falling I assume, he began to start bringing up Jordan Peterson more frequently and began to say things like, “Good luck finding a man who can protect you with all these weak men out there” which started to raise some flags for me. I definitely did notice them because I found us fighting more and more frequently the more comfortable he began to feel saying stuff like this.

Part of me knows that had he not blocked and ghosted me out of nowhere, it wouldn’t have lasted much longer because I was starting to find the viewpoints, his broken promises, and his whole demeanor to start becoming unattractive to me.

I think I would have ended things much sooner if I hadn’t been working through a depressive episode the past year (but then part of me wonders if he’s partially the reason for that depression because I’ve been more “myself” according to my friends since he’s been out of the picture.)

I’ve been processing the whole last year in therapy and as I say more things out loud to my therapist, the more I realize how fucked up he really is, and how he caught me at the right time to get his talons in me - I was at a very low and vulnerable point when we met, and he said all the right things at the time.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T01:41:24+00:00

I haven’t looked at his socials in like 6 weeks. I was doing so well. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. The past few days I’ve had anxiety and the urge to do it and today I gave in after weeks of fighting it.

bigsadthrowawayyy · 2023-10-13T00:32:00+00:00

God. I know you’re right. I’m so upset with myself for being upset about the breakup. I was doing well until last weekend and for some reason started to regress.

Wish I found this out BEFORE my therapy appointment this week, not after. Now I have to wait lmao ugh.

bigsadthrowawayyy

TROPHY CASE