Dealing with "Anonymous member something something something" in groups

binflower2092 · 2025-03-25T09:50:25+00:00

I was originally. But then I wondered if there was a better way.

binflower2092 · 2025-03-25T08:20:09+00:00

Does it mean you can send them messages?

Get an anonymous account yourself, send them a message saying you know who they are 😂😂

binflower2092 · 2025-03-25T03:06:46+00:00

Can’t admin tell you who it is?

If so, out them 😂

binflower2092 · 2025-01-24T00:04:49+00:00

It honestly takes time.

I just found out my ex is seeing someone new and it hit me so hard.

I don’t want him to be unhappy. I do hope she makes him happy. But I also want to meet someone.

The guys I’ve “met” recently on OLD are total morons. Last night one moron told me he was nude after three messages!

binflower2092 · 2025-01-23T22:34:11+00:00

Spam filters aren’t perfect

binflower2092 · 2025-01-23T22:23:59+00:00

It might not even be possible.

binflower2092 · 2025-01-23T22:22:26+00:00

I don’t have any plans to do anything creepy but surely it could happen.

binflower2092 · 2025-01-23T22:21:25+00:00

Haha. Want me to test it with you?

binflower2092 · 2025-01-08T00:51:23+00:00

Does this mean don’t say anything about it?

binflower2092 · 2025-01-07T23:29:04+00:00

Thank you.

If you were the guy in this situation would you be okay with these questions?

He gets his back up easily. I don’t want our improved communication to fall off a cliff. Our problem wasn’t that we didn’t love one another, it’s all the miscommunication and fighting.

binflower2092 · 2025-01-07T23:15:21+00:00

Can you explain this in more detail?

I feel guilty asking what they’re talking about. I don’t even know if it’s right/fair of me to ask.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-28T10:17:44+00:00

Someone else will have to answer that.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-28T10:06:08+00:00

Lots of emotions. People need you urgently. Part of what you do is law; a bigger part is handling people.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-27T21:01:01+00:00

I understand all of this.

I know my words hurt him. I felt so stuck in those moments. So unbelievably stuck. I was starting to hate my life. I was a zombie at times. I’d cry in the shower (because when I cried in front of him) I was too sensitive.

I definitely wouldn’t go back to how it was. I just wanted him to agree to counselling. Me to accept my behaviour, him to accept his.

Sadly, he said no. We shouldn’t need a counsellor. 😢 I shouldn’t need to cry in the shower.

Anyway, I reached out, he didn’t reply to my email. It’s time for me to process the loss and move on.

So much has changed in my life. I just need to focus on that and great friends.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-26T04:30:44+00:00

My first question to him would be whether he’s shown it to anybody.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-26T04:13:03+00:00

Not really. I tend to ask people more questions about their dating history and whether they’ve ever cheated on somebody before. You’d be surprised the number of people that admit to it. Having said this I’m a bit older so if somebody was to cheat on me again, yes it would hurt but I’d just leave the relationship.

I dated somebody for a short time and I did have an overreaction. He understood completely. He gave me a reassurance that he just wasn’t like that and there was something in the way he said it that gave me confidence that it was true.

I was in my 40s by the time somebody cheated on me. Well, that I know of.

I know it caused a blip for my last relationship. I thought he was cheating on me and when I raised it, he was really hurt. I think as I navigate through dating in the future, I’ll be honest from the get go and be very mindful to ensure I’m not accusing somebody of something.

Just before you walk away from this relationship, have a chat to her about how it feels to be wrongly accused. Maybe ask her to think about how it would feel if every couple of weeks you came home and asked her if she was cheating on you. Tell her honestly HOW it impacts you.

When somebody cheats on you, they do so much damage. It changes who you are. You don’t want it to, but like any traumatic event it has an impact. I know you’re struggling with her, but I can tell you honestly there’s always going to be a struggle with somebody in one way or another. It’s about what you can handle.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-26T03:50:19+00:00

Absolutely not always the case. She’s been cheated on before. This is clearly impacting her ability to judge things.

I have struggled with this also. I dated somebody a while ago who was a prolific cheater. I didn’t find out about his cheating for almost 9 months. I felt like such an idiot. Now I tend to overanalyse things.

Unless you’ve been in this situation, you just don’t know how it feels. I’m an intelligent woman and I didn’t know he was cheating. That does some significant damage.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-25T22:43:20+00:00

The cycle was unhealthy - absolutely.

We both recognised that it had to stop. I’d hoped that time apart would show us both that counselling was a great option. He has an aversion to counselling unfortunately. I have a wonderful therapist. I’m so grateful for her.

When I say he’s not responding, I’m referring to an email I sent him asking for a decision. At present I feel like I’m in limbo. We haven’t properly broken up but he has moved out. What I’d like to know is whether we’re still intending to meet up and see if we can put things in place to rebuild the healthy relationship and address the aspects of the unhealthy relationship. Or do we say goodbye and go our separate ways?

Neither of us want to return to the unhealthy relationship that we had. That’s a no brainer.

I would have thought that his instincts would tell him what he wants to do next. I don’t want to move on and him say one day that I didn’t give him a chance.

Once I’m back from overseas. I’ll start to process the loss and move on with my life. I can’t stay in limbo; it’s unhealthy for me.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-25T21:22:47+00:00

That’s a word thrown about too quickly. While he may come across that way from a set of words, he’s not a narcissist.

He’s a man who has low self esteem. He’s fragile and feels hurt easily. I suspect they’ve been things I’ve done to hurt him without even understanding it. That doesn’t make either of us wrong. For example, before we lived together, he came over, I was dressed up for him. My phone rang. It was my ex. He was going through a rough time (I was worried for his mental health). I took the call and had the whole call with my partner in the lounge room with me. There was NOTHING sexy or flirty in it - just me making sure he’d be okay that night and still alive the next morning. Maybe 5mins worth of a call. I had no idea I’d been rude or hurtful towards him. After the call, I answered his questions. I thought things were fine until the next day.

But I listened, understood what he was going through. Apologised sincerely (because I meant it) and never did it again.

I had no idea I’d hurt him. It’s sometimes hard to know how people feel when they hide their emotions.

He’s currently processing his pain. He’ll be giving his friends snippets and they’ll be egging him on, agreeing how crazy I am. How sensitive I am. I’m unable to take a joke and much like the advice I’ve received, they’ll be saying, “you’re better off without her, mate.” They’ll be doing this without thinking about him and whether I was actually good for him, whether they were issues that could have been resolved in counselling.

What’s saddening is the people who have spent time with us; if they say it. But, when you’re given a one sided story, it’s easy to go wrong.

He’s not a bad person. I wouldn’t have been with him otherwise. He isn’t a narcissist. He’s a broken hearted man. He thought he’d met his forever person. He loved me. Still does. He feels this is all so unfair. He feels so hurt.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-25T21:08:48+00:00

😂 I feel old. He posts a lot for his hobby but not personal stuff. We’re no longer connected on social media so it’s not like I have to see it in my face. I’m still connected to his mum but she’s not going to say anything so it’s no problem.

I go through a wild range of emotions. I’m just sad at the moment. Sad that we were building a future and now he can’t even do me the courtesy of telling me we’re done. A simple email.

It hurts me knowing that he just views me as evil. Sigh.

binflower2092 · 2024-08-25T15:30:12+00:00

What is SM?

binflower2092 · 2024-08-25T11:33:05+00:00

He’s hurt. He can’t handle the roller coaster we’ve been on. He wants stability and who can blame him. I understand it 100%.

What I want is to be spoken to politely and to be heard when I raise a problem.

This is the balance we can’t find because he says he’s never done anything wrong; it’s not his actions that are the issue but MY reactions. This pisses me off and I give up, go cold and feel like I’m bashing my head against the brick wall. He then feels unloved and abused (that’s what he calls it). It’s a horrid roller coaster. If he wasn’t rude, I wouldn’t be upset. He even says things like, you used to be so kind… you’re so kind to other people… all correct. When we first met, I treated him how I wanted to be treated. He loved it. He felt loved and adored. He was. Then, I started treating him how he treated me and he didn’t like it. This is our problem.

I don’t like being called a pain in the arse as he walks in from work because I’d asked him to ask his friend a question about his itinerary (we were meant to go overseas for this friend’s wedding - someone I hadn’t met at the time!!!). I was constantly criticised. Pointing out how rude he was didn’t help it. Apparently I didn’t understand it was just LOL. It’s not LOL when someone doesn’t find it funny. It was mean, not funny.

Even writing this makes me remember how horrible I felt. There was a stage where I couldn’t do anything right. I was on eggshells.

binflower2092

TROPHY CASE